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G- you’re NOT low risk. By your own admission you’re not able to keep 6 feet from your coworkers. And you enter a building every day where patients have been.

Surveillance studies in Iceland showed 50% of people who tested positive were asymptomatic . So you don’t know which of your apparently healthy coworkers might expose you. You need to be wearing a mask at work, covering your keyboard with glad wrap and replacing it frequently, washing hands frequently.

My niece who is an ECMO nurse and has two family members at home with underlying conditions takes off her clothes in the mud room when she gets home and goes straight to the shower in a bathroom that is dedicated to her only.


The problem here is not him maintaining - appropriate - social distance from you. It’s that he’s not doing the other things that might make you feel supported. Like dropping off home cooked meals on your doorstep. Like having well thought out Skype dates with you. Or even visits by standing in your yard and waving through the glass window. You get the idea.

You’re not missing M, you’re missing the fantasy you had of M. Don’t forget that he wasn’t what you thought he was. But you have a good idea of what you would like your future mate to be like, and sounds like E is missing the mark.

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Everything KML said - word for word. I get that E and his sons are nervous. Public is being told to quarantine. But if he wants to court you, there are so many other ways he could do that and he hasn’t stepped up. He doesn’t seem bad, but maybe lazy? Or just doesn’t know how to pursue a woman. That’s his problem not yours though, cause he’s gonna lose out if he hasn’t already. Sounds like you know your worth. And sometimes people show wh they are in a crises. You got to see early.

And you might not be bedside, but All of you guys deserve the cheers and accolades you are getting. You guys deserve so much more ! And that includes before COVID. I will never forget that one nurse in Sloan that held my hand during the entire surgery in which I wasn’t allowed to use general anesthesia. - I always remember that nurse for doing something small but comforting to me. You guys are doing big stuff an I am so ashamed by our president but in awe of all of you guys.

Don- Ginger is from an area unlike other areas in the country. It’s high density and diverse. I’m hoping what’s going on here is not a predictor for what’s to come in other areas. And I’m sure you would not want to invite any of us over for dinner right now. But there’s a sentiment out there in other parts of the country that this is all being hyped up by the media and this sentiment is continually perpetuated by the president. I’m not sure if that’s what you were getting at in your comment - but it’s that overall belief that’s making it hard for healthcare personnel to get equipment. And it’s simply not the case out here. It’s really hitting hard. Maybe your friend works at a hospital not being designated the COVID cases? But a lot hospitals out here are being overrun. My ex has it and is really sick, my sons friends parents have it and are sick. And I mean sick like fever for 10 days going - getting admitted to hospital sick. Not just low key sick stay home and watch soaps. I get that people think it’s political - but come on already if The whole world is saying it’s a problem it’s a problem.

And thanks ginger - for giving us the real deal on this.


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Hope you are having a good break from work. Much deserved and overdue. I cannot even imagine being in your shoes
Originally Posted by Ginger1

I need him to be a man, and make the decision for himself


I don't think you will like what I have to say, but I am going to give you my honest opinion. I think he is being a man and making the decision for himself. He is choosing to prioritize the safety of his kids. He is choosing to prioritize the wishes of his kids and allay their fears. I am not sure I can blame him either.

Now, what he is not being a man about is telling you how he really feels and choosing to say he is doing this because his sons said so.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

make the decision for himself that he feels confident in me and as his a father to tell his kids he will be seeing me again.


I feel that you are asking him to prioritize your wishes over that of his kids. That's a pretty big ask. Personally, I would put my kids first without any second thought. I would actually lose respect for any person that prioritizes someone they have been dating for 3 months over their kids. If they can do that to their kids what's to say they won't do it to their partner if someone else comes into their life later?


I think you have decided that E is not right for you, probably with good reason. I feel that you are trying to justify breaking up with him. He is a nice guy, cares about you and thinks you check all the boxes so you need to find good reasons for why it his fault to not feel guilty. Seems like a story with most WAW.

I know I could very well be wrong here, but wanted to give you my honest opinion.

Stay strong and fight the good fight. Thank you and your co-workers for everything you are doing

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MLC-
I am ok with everything you said. I agree with it in a way.. Yes, I guess he should respect his kids wishes. It's the way he goes about doing that. I know his kids rule him. I know he is fearful of his own kids. His kids can only have bottled water, so he was out looking for it. These kids had no problem exposing dad because they can't use water from the tap with a BRita filter. When his kids made this decision, they were having friends over in their garage to lift weights. They also did not cancel their trip and had also just come off a plane! They get take out food multiple times a day. Not afraid of that! His kids are basically spoiled brats and E is scared of them. ANd for me that's what gets under my skin. E was also continuing going to Physical therapy after he made this decision. A PT who is seeing a bunch of random people from the community and having physical contact. He didn't stop until I called him out on the double standard. As you can see, I hate double standards. But you are right, he should respect his kids wishes.

I will say you are not correct on me trying to make it his fault as to why I break up with him. I don't need him to be at fault Those reasons would not be his fault. It would be me knowing this is why he isnt for me. That's not on him at all. It's on me. These qualities are just not what I am looking for. That's not his fault at all. He is who he is and he is going to stay who he is. He's not a bad guy. Which is why this makes it more difficult for me ot break up with him. I really do appreciate your feedback and it opened my eyes to some things. And i will say you are right, he should respect his sons wishes. I just can't stand double standards.

KML and JUju, I think you ladies got this right as to why this is also irritating me. I think if he did some nice thoughtful things I would be oK with this separation. He calls, he texts....... we facetimed once because he thought I was breaking up with him. But yeah, I have actually thought how nice it would be if he made me some of the food he keeps taking pictures of and sending me and dropped it off. I have hinted multiple times about wanted something in particular to eat, or I have even said " oooh, bring me some!" never has. He only lives 15 minutes away. I suggested a date where we keep a 6 foot distance and he actually said "what's the point if we can't touch eachother?" He touts himself as a romantic, but hasn't done anything romantic yet. I even got this game that is a bunch of questions for couples to get to know eachother better and I sent him a picture of a card each night. I am trying. I really am. But I know men don't think like us women, and it is unfair of me to think he would do any of these things for me. They w ould keep my interest while we are in this situation. But then again, he was already acting like we were a married couple.

I don't know. I have become very hard to date, I admit it. I think I finally had enough after M. He was the straw that broke the camel's back. I spent a year being patient with him, letting us do things his way, being his main support, only for him to dump me. I just cannot be that person anymore. ANd i feel bad for anyone who dates me now, because my standards are way high.

I guess my plan going forward is for me to not try to hard during this unknown period of how long we are going ot be apart. I am not going to say anything anymore about his decision not to see me. I am not going to be the one to keep this things we have alive. I bet without any effort on his part it just dies off. Maybe he steps up to the plate and I become more attracted. WHo knows. But I take the blame for my part in this, for sure.

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Your not impossible to date and your not setting standards that are too high. He just hasn’t done anything to attract you to him. I think a lot of these guys - 2nd time around settle down pretty quick into married mode and move out of courtship mode as quick as they can. That was my last boyfriend and it’s just laziness. I disagree that you are acting like a walkaway wife. You are in the beginning phases trying to determine if you want to pursue a relationship with him and all the things your upset over are pretty understandable. It’s your inner voice coming out. And that’s what dating is for - to determine if you want to pursue or end things. You straight out told him to bring you some food. If he didn’t do that then that’s pretty lame.


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Ginger,
Thanks for keeping an open mind to the feedback. I do understand there are a lot of things about E that make him the wrong person for you. I am not trying to defend him. The reason for my feedback is to help you see blind spots on your side so that they are not an issue in your relationship when you eventually find Mr. Right. And yes, given all the positives in you I am sure you will find Mr. Right in due time!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
MLC-
He is who he is and he is going to stay who he is. He's not a bad guy. Which is why this makes it more difficult for me ot break up with him.


One of the things this forum teaches a lot is that 'nice guys' can sometime be worse than 'bad guys' in some ways. From what you have said, E does seem to exhibit NGS tendencies which may be the reason he is so annoying to you. His NGS may also explain why you were initially attracted to him but are not now since many with NGS can put on a fake persona but the mask wears off over time. Hence, breaking up with him because he is a nice guy is not something to feel guilty about. Just make sure you have clarity on why he is not the right person for you since that will help you in your next relationship or rather avoid starting a relationship with the wrong person and save you the heartache next time smile

Originally Posted by Ginger1
MLC-
I don't know. I have become very hard to date, I admit it.


I don't see it that way at all. E seems totally into you and that shows you are not hard to date. The problem is not that you are hard to date but you have high expectations and people you date don't live up to that. So, it is hard for you to date which is different from you being hard to date. Subtle but big difference here. Note that there is nothing wrong with that but just make sure your expectations are not unreasonable. I went through a phase of online dating where I got many matches but I decided not to meet some of them after chatting on the app and some others did not go beyond the first date. My initial thought was that I was hard to date but I soon realized I was rejecting people or giving out a vibe to potential dates that I was not interested. Between taking care of the kids when I had them and my work schedule, I was so busy that I actually felt relieved to have some time for myself if a date got canceled for whatever reason. More importantly, I realized I was actually mostly contented with my life. Subconsciously my attitude was that while finding someone compatible would be nice, I was not unhappy without being in a relationship. As a result, my standards were high and unfortunately the people who could meet my expectations were already taken smile

So, don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy the good in your life, play the cards you are dealt and let life take its course. As for the immediate future, stay safe till this pandemic is behind us. God protect us all!

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Originally Posted by MLCxH
More importantly, I realized I was actually mostly contented with my life. Subconsciously my attitude was that while finding someone compatible would be nice, I was not unhappy without being in a relationship. As a result, my standards were high and unfortunately the people who could meet my expectations were already taken smile

OMG who is this guy. smile. Great, great comments and perspective. I could not agree more.

Ginger, while perhaps bad that you’re not finding Mr. Right, it’s beyond good, great even, how you are growing. I also agree with the others: You are not hard to date. Hard to keep, perhaps? That’s not a bad thing. I think you are doing much better than you may realize.


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There is a quote that says something like once you get really good at being alone your standards do go way high.

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Originally Posted by kas99
There is a quote that says something like once you get really good at being alone your standards do go way high.



certainly seems true

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Thinking of you G. Stay safe. xo

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