I appreciate your explanation. FWIW, I was getting stressed, too, and that's why I thought I may need to step back. Anyway, I'll try to keep my posts shorter and to the point, if I can. I have lengthy post syndrome.
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I guarantee her plan is to work from my house to help. I know it isn't recommended, aI know it isn't smart, but how am I going to be on camera for 4-6 hours a day, talking to students, parents, etc, while doing this by myself. This is going to get harder....
Okay, gottcha. It's a tough spot, and a tough call. You have to consider your job, and the health of your child.......which, I think, you are doing. The way you were previously talking, I was concerned there was over-lapping in you desire to just get W back into the home any way you could, and having her there to help you with D3. I don't recommend she sleeps there. She's there to work or keep D3 while you work......whatever work arrangements you decide.
Last edited by sandi2; 03/26/2004:19 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I cannot be a full-time employee and a full-time dad at the same time. I get 5-minute spurts to get something done. Not 4-6 hours.
Hi Kto626,
I hear you. Since this choice isn't ideal for reconciliation I wanted to share some ideas--
"Remote learning" for public schools around me hasn't come close to 4-6hrs/day of live teacher video--closer to 30-45min/day. Even those attempts were halted due to technical and privacy challenges and I live in a very technological area. Are you currently required to do 4-6hrs of online video per day or that's a prediction? If it's a prediction, maybe you can wait to act until implementation gets closer.
I vaguely remember 3 years old. It's amazingly exciting and challenging. Can you plop him in front of a Leappad or similar educational play device for two 1hr sessions/day without feeling like the worst parent ever? I taught at a co-op when my son was 2-3, and at home he was occupied for a bit if I gave him clay or waterplay containers! Yes, I'd have to be prepared to change his clothes afterwards, lol.
My kids are older now, but I do 2-3hrs of live video per day. While your "space" is still expected to look professional, these days even CEOs have young children wandering in the background. I know an Ivy-league professor whose elementary school child attends her classes on dinosaurs and sometimes chimes in! Maybe small parts of your lessons could be fashioned to entertain or be taught by a young child.
Just to add a data point. My kids, 3 and 5, definitely watch TV(netflix,youtube, public TV) ~2 hrs per day. Some days less, some days twice as much. I know it it not ideal but I realized all those demands you put in yourself as a parent these days are counter-productive.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
"Remote learning" for public schools around me hasn't come close to 4-6hrs/day of live teacher video--closer to 30-45min/day.
I do not know yet what the requirement will be, however, the email from my principal said to be prepared for 4-6 hours online for students and parents, which include online teaching to your classes. I hope to now more this weekend.
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Can you plop him in front of a Leappad or similar educational play device for two 1hr sessions/day without feeling like the worst parent ever? I taught at a co-op when my son was 2-3, and at home he was occupied for a bit if I gave him clay or waterplay containers! Yes, I'd have to be prepared to change his clothes afterwards, lol.
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I agree to find different activities for my D. I don't want to plop her in front of TV unless I have to. She is an amazing kid, but she is 3, so it can be a lot at times. But I am trying to embrace it because she won't be 3 forever.
My kids are older now, but I do 2-3hrs of live video per day. While your "space" is still expected to look professional, these days even CEOs have young children wandering in the background. I know an Ivy-league professor whose elementary school child attends her classes on dinosaurs and sometimes chimes in! Maybe small parts of your lessons could be fashioned to entertain or be taught by a young child.
Also a great idea. Thank you CW, you are offering sound, thoughtful suggestions. Everyone must understand that through this difficult and unusual time things may be a little different for work expectations.
I had a little argument again with my W regarding the parenting schedule. She continues to ask me to take my D on her scheduled days due to daycare being closed and she has to work. I know I need to help, as my W is a nurse. I am at home(even though work is going to ramp up next week), and my W is trying to keep my D from being around people which leaves me to take her. I just asked my W to understand my work will get more difficult and will need some help, in which she became so angry and defensive about how stressed she is. At one point, she said, "I have to work, you have to take her, what are you going to do if I don't take her, file papers?" I replied, "sure if I have to." My wife said, "I am sure you have figured all that out already."
After that, she became angrier and began crying. I stood my ground. I said "you did this and marriage is between 2 people and not 3. I will not accept you talking to him and this will come to an end of you don't" (was that wrong to say?). I told her "I have too much self-respect for myself to live like this and you continue to ask me to help, give you money and I won't do that." She argued the money front and then I aid, "go ask your BF for your money...(I know, I shouldn't have said it).
She left in tears. I know I shouldn't have said some of the things I said, but I am angry and sad about it all. I will ot let her walk all over me like this.
Later, in good social distancing protocol, I had a bonfire outside with my friend and his wife while staying away from each other. They both talked up my importance and how I am a good catch, etc. I needed it tonight, They told me I would be okay, that I will make it through. I need that reassurance b/c I don't always believe it. I just don't understand my W and how she could be so hurtful, still. Her selfishness, her ability to blame and attack me, and her want to have me support her financially while still talking to this guy.
Thank you to Sandi, CWarrior, and Mumin. You guys are so helpful and I will never forget it. I believe in good karma and you all deserve a whopping portion of something good!
I just finished reading OS2's threads and I see a lot of similarities. I just don't understand WW's that think they can continue to cake eat and hurt the person they married.
Yesterday, my W began crying when she started yelling at me about her work schedule and how she can't help me, even in her scheduled days. When she did this, she said "just file the papers then" which I said I would. She began to cry and said how overwhelmed she is. I'm sure being a nurse and dealing with this health scare has added to that but she had an A and she should be overwhelmed!
After reading OS2's thread, he began asking about filing for a D. I agree with Sandi and CWarrior on this, I'm not doing that yet because I'm not ready (plus I couldn't even if I wanted to b/c courts are closed due to the virus. But should I set up the paperwork to refinance her car? Currently, both of our vehicles are in my name and after BD I told her we need to figure out finances. It could be a good way to show her that I'm moving forward. To be fair, I am making her pay me for the payments, but putting it in her name may make it more real for her. Thoughts?
Again, yesterday I told her she knows what my expectations are, that marriage is between 2 ppl and not 3 so contact with the OM is unacceptable. I was firm and unemotional in saying this, also leading to some of her tears, yesterday. I figured being firm again in my expectations and then having paperwork ready for her to sign to refinance and title her vehicle in her name may confirm how serious I am (even though you all know I still have my weak moments).
WWs continue cake eat mainly because the LBS typically serves in on a platter and everyone loves cake.
That’s great that you were firm and told her the being in contact with OM is unacceptable. I say that tongue and cheek because it is acceptable to you. What are the consequences for her continuing. If there are none then it’s a weak statement on your part.
That’s great that you were firm and told her the being in contact with OM is unacceptable. I say that tongue and cheek because it is acceptable to you. What are the consequences for her continuing. If there are none then it’s a weak statement on your part.
Good question. Other than not allowing her in the house and not communicating other than anything to do with our D, I guess nothing right now. What other alternatives do I have? I don't want to divorce, it has been 2 months since BD so I think it is early and I am not there yet. I also couldn't if I wanted to due to the courts being closed.
Yesterday, when she came to pick up our D, she began to go in the house and I asked her not to, which she complied but git angry about. What else can I do?
