Mumin, I'm sure this has been mentioned before, but be sure you are doing this because it's well and truly what you want and not just some trick to "wake her up" or snap her out of the fog. Because it won't work. If this is indeed what you want then go for it (mail the papers). Good luck.
I miss her. Might write more later but I have been thinking if someday I should ask her if this is really what she wants or if she knows what she wants. This would have to be a month or two from now.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Ok buddy reading between the lines you went all in and she called your bluff and now your trying to pull your chips back. Not a good move man. If you weren’t ready to D you shouldn’t have filed. She’s ready to D and the quicker you get on board with that you quicker you can move on. Then and only then she make look behind her to see what she’s lost.
M, I don´t comment on threads often but no, you most certainly should not ask her if this is what she really wants or anything similar to that. It seems LH is right and if you just filed to get a reaction or to take back control, that is going to backfire as everyone here warned you about. They've seen this happen before on these forums.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
When your words do not match your actions you come off as weak in regards to this.
You miss her and want to be with her but you filed for divorce and took all the hard work away from her. That hard work is hard for a reason. If you didn't mail it yet you can hang tight on it.
It's one thing to say you miss but you gotta file for D and stay strong but you aren't there IMO.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Hey again (funny how 24 hours off of here sometimes feels like weeks).
Thank you for your input guys.
To be clear: I did not file just to get a reaction, and I still believe I am ready. My previous post was impulsively written and doesn't show the full picture. I was coming on her to ventilate my feelings and get support... I am sure days will come with more feelings of loss/sorrow, and I recall BenB you had the same feeling a short while after you filed. Which I am sure most people do. As you said Ovr, missing and staying strong is fine.
It is true I did the hard work but I am actually glad I did. Looking back on this I believe it will mean quite a lot to me. Also important to consider the 6 month waiting period and since we have kids not much will change for a few months.
Anyway I read LHs post right before falling a sleep last night and woke up with a similar feeling so today I arranged a telephone-IC and talked through things, also spoke a bit to my mother. I feel much better and am starting to consider how my perspectives on things change now. Also, I have NOT shown any of this to W. I have been quite active actually with work, fixing the car, workout, groceries etc. I will not ask her about if this is what she really wants. I wont be asking her anything right now... Since we have kids I will have to decide how I would like things to be in the future, in regards to W. My favorite quote trough my threads(from Ovr):
Quote
SHOW them that life in 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Yo M I’m 20 months post D and I sometimes have bouts of sorrow. Not about my ex but the loss of the family unit. I’m not gonna lie you have a tough road ahead but you will get through it. IMO you did the right thing. I know this is a divorce busting site but your W has a boyfriend and that is completely unacceptable. Not to mention you’ve only been married for a few Months. She has serious issues she has to work through. If she can then down the road you can give it another go if you do choose.
Big big thanks to all the support here recently LH, Ovr, Ben, neffer, KTO, Cwarrior! Extra thanks for this previous post LH. Perspective and hearing others situations gives me a lot of "self-control".
Gym work-out session this morning. SUCH a good feeling! Im starting to get a bit buff actually. Onw more year of muscle building and then more focus on lean and mean. Crossfit isch. Looking forward to this weekend with my kids!
Will bring up some questions for vets with kids about vacations and such. It will be very strange this summer when we still have the house together. Especially if Corona lingers on... If she brings OM to the house I would fkn flip.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
No way she can bring the OM to your house! And cancel your vacation if it was with her. My W had me rent a $3000 house on the beach 2 weeks before BD. I have already reached out t the owners and they said if Corona continues into May they will allow me to cancel and get my money back. I would gladly give away the $3000 if my W ever thought she could bring the OM. Otherwise, my D and I will have a nice time without her.
I hope one day I can have the strength to file. Just not there after 2 months. I still am holding out hope she will change and want to work on herself to be able to come back. But I am finally starting to believe I can't control that so dont worry about it. I will not be an ingredient to her A.
I have learned a lot from your sitch, Mumin. Continue to be strong so I can learn that from you too.
