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Mumin Offline OP
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First thread

Very short recap:
Me: 34
Wayward wife: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019

Christmas sucked!
January was a lot of chaos
Feb
-Finally had enough and changed my mindset
-Understanding DB for real and getting more control. GAL etc
-I told the kids about situation late February.
-Wife admitted seeing OM.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 572
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Mumin Offline OP
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My last posts at the previous thread:

Quote Ovr:
Quote
Just politely let her know that you are not open to that idea.

You mean not open to sharing a bed? OR to separating the beds and sharing the room?
Not sure I can enforce her NOT sleeping in the house, given the kids are here and the days that she is actually at home are the days that are supposed to be her time with the kids...
Will think and consider this during the week.

-----

Question in regards to a post by Steve85 on another thread, by kto626.
So I guess the question is mainly for Steve but obviously open for anyone to discuss/answer.

On the other thread you wrote:
Quote
The best thing I can see you doing at this point is to take her Plan B away. I would highly consider retaining a lawyer and filing for D.


I think our sitches are fairly similar however when I have mentioned D it has seemed most ppl say "wait", "let her do it" "how will that help you?" etc.
So how is his situation different? I cant really see that.

To be clear, no matter I fully agree on not filing for D when you are not ready.
So this question is more about whether filing is, in general, a good action or not towards a WW.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,668
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I meant to say that you should tell her that you are not open to splitting the bed at all. You're going to sleep there.

But, I'm not sure what you meant about the bed exactly when you said
Originally Posted by Mumin
What do you guys think about suggesting that we split the bed in two.
Today its one King size bed with a single King size duvet.


LH saying she "sleeps in the cabin" just meant that she can get out of the MBR. Everyone agrees that you cannot force her to leave the house either.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Mumin Offline OP
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OK, So the King size in our MBR is actually possible to split in two singles.
If W is to sleep in the house, but not in the MBR, the only room left is the kitchen...
So hence my suggestion to arrange for two separate beds in the MBR.
Will probably sleep at my brothers place tomorrow to avoid W for another night. Then during the weekend I will probably need to take this fight. Unless she accepts this and just sleeps in the Cabin for now..


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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M,

I donít think you are quite grasping the concept. Itís your house you are not the cheater. You are not avoiding her (you didnít do anything wrong) and you donít give a fuch if she sleeps in the dishwasher.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
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I second LH,

why the phuc would you want to accommodate her? Let her sleep where she wants, the main thing is that you do not leave the MBR. Do not split the beds. she can split them if she chooses to. Do not go out of your way trying to help her.

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Originally Posted by Mumin
Will probably sleep at my brothers place tomorrow to avoid W for another night.
This will lose you respect, and make you look even more unattractive to your W (and every other woman).


What are you afraid of?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I remember wanting to get out of the house in my sitch. My dad told me I could stay there, my mom said no. Looking back, God bless my mother. What am I, a homeless child? No. I regret asking her. Be a man, stay in your home. Why delay the inevitable "fight".

You're are being too emotional about this. It's your house, your bed, and she's the one who wants out. Let her get out.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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A woman is attracted to a man that will protect her. In her mind (maybe even subconsciously) she will ask "how can he protect me if he won't even stand up to me."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks LH, ovr, Vapo, R2C!

Quote
you donít give a fuch if she sleeps in the dishwasher.

Quote of the day! And sort of what I wish for her most of the time.

Quote
A woman is attracted to a man that will protect her. In her mind (maybe even subconsciously) she will ask "how can he protect me if he won't even stand up to me."

Also very good!

Might sleep at home tomorrow. Depends on my night tomorrow.
To explain a bit if I am out in the city past 22:00 I have to take a cab home for like (at least!) 100 US dollars.
We live in the woods far away from the City. My brother basically lives in the city center.
However, it is a very good point to not delay the inevitable "fight".
IF I do not sleep at home it should ONLY be for purely logistical purposes.

Thanks again!!!

Last edited by Mumin; 03/12/20 10:27 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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