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Originally Posted by LH19
It happened because you allowed it to happen.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!

That's it right there.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by LH19
W,

It happened because you allowed it to happen. Toxic people love drama and you two feed off one another. My friends parents were like that when they divorced and it really fuched him up. I’m afraid this will also happen to your children. For whatever reason she doesn’t respect you and gets off on emasculating you. You take it from her because you need to still feel connected to her.


That’s it? She does it to just drive me crazy? What to make herself feel better? I know I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen, but why does she continue? She got what she wanted. I leave her alone now. I’m focusing on my own life.
LH you said we feed off one another. How do I? Anytime I contact her now it’s about the kids. She is the one that will bring something up. Does she do it to reassure herself that she is making the right decision? I just don’t understand her thinking.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Why do you care so much why? Would the why change anything?

The way doesn’t matter. You just need to quit allowing it to happen. When it happens, you excuse yourself from the conversation. That’s it

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W,

It drives you crazy because you allow it. You are both addicted to the drama. If you weren’t you wouldn’t answer her calls. Your kids are roughly the same age as mine and I haven’t spoke to my ex on the phone since November. You know why because there is no need for it. My kids have phones and anything logistically we text. I certainly would never let my ex talk to me the way your ex talks to you.

It’s possible that these calls could be to see if you if you finally grew a pair and are ready to stand up to her, but you routinely fail the test. I just hope your kids can overcome this toxic behavior.

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Originally Posted by Wolfman
My ex called me and my first mistake was I picked up the phone. She started off with what time I was picking up the kids. Then went into that I don’t care about her and the kids. [END THE PHONE CALL RIGHT HERE] That I haven’t texted her to see if she is ok and if the kids are ok. To check to see if they have food and water. That I don’t care about them. I told her I have been texting both kids everyday (the days I don’t have them) to see how they are and if they are ok. She said no I haven’t. I should of just got off the phone tight then and there. But I responded I have absolutely been texting the kids. She said it shows what kind of person I am but not checking up on them. That her own dad calls her a couple of times a day to see how they are. I said I am sorry you feel that way but do you remember we are not married anymore? She said instead of texting her or a soling to see is they are I contacted her that she had to pay the electric bill.

So she was mad that I only contacted her about the money she owes. And she said I am so selfish that I wanted the kids at my house on the day I am suppose to have them. I said my house is very clean and I am not taking them anywhere. I said why are you so angry? You got everything you wanted, a divorce the home. She cut me off when I said home. She said, Home!!!? I bought you out and a real man would have just left the home to the woman!! Then she started to bring up the past and how bad I was. Blah blah blah. At that point I had, had enough and told her this conversation is over and hung up.

Do you see how you are getting sucked in? Why are you even engaging at that point? Stop worrying about defending yourself and let it go -- there is no winning.

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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by LH19
It happened because you allowed it to happen.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!

That's it right there.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by LH19
It happened because you allowed it to happen.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!

That's it right there.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!

(ASCII art is fun. Oh! I agree with the point, too.)

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Wolfman Offline OP
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Wow ok. Thank you everyone. I get it. I don’t know why I answer the phone. My own stupidity I guess. After we got off the phone she continued to text me and I did not answer a single text. There was no need for it.

Originally Posted by LH19
W,

It drives you crazy because you allow it. You are both addicted to the drama. If you weren’t you wouldn’t answer her calls. Your kids are roughly the same age as mine and I haven’t spoke to my ex on the phone since November.


That is Great!!! I hate that sometimes I make these mistakes. I have to really stop answer all phone calls from her!!! It’s just not right for me to answer. Talk about your slow learner.

Journaling: With everything going on and being stuck mostly inside, I just really miss my kids. Obviously I still get them on some days, but the days I don’t, I just miss them terribly. I think of all the board games we could play, taking them out for a bike ride. Just playing with them in the yard. This divorce has hit me hard when it comes to my kids!!! I will never understand when I read on here how the husband/wife just walked away from the family. I kinda understand leaving a spouse, but your children??? I hate that my kids have to bounce back and forth. I am trying my best to get my house ready for them, so they feel very comfortable. I never wanted this for my kids. They are suppose to have stability and loving parents. I know we still love them apart but that is not the best for the kids. In my opinion. Today is gloomy and as I look out the window realize the love I have for my children is beyond what anyone could imagine especially my kids. Everytime I see them it’s like seeing them for the first time when they are born. That love, that excitement, that joy. I just needed to write this, it made me feel better.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Wolf, answering the phone isn't stupid. Some people prefer phone communication to text, I usually do. If having a record is important there are a bunch of recording apps. I use them.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I will never understand when I read on here how the husband/wife just walked away from the family. I kinda understand leaving a spouse, but your children???


Everyone knows this is a consequence to the choice to divorce. Some people see it as good, some do not.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I am trying my best to get my house ready for them,
Are you doing a project or what exactly? Just curious.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I am trying my best to get my house ready for them,
Are you doing a project or what exactly? Just curious.


Painting all the rooms. Just ordered new carpet for all the bedrooms. Ordering furniture. Bad time to be ordering all of this stuff. Everything is delayed. Trying to stay safe. Just went for a 30 minute walk and about to do some push ups and sit ups. Ex and I barely talk. It’s better that way. I am remembering what everyone has been saying about getting my respect back and that’s what I have been doing. Ex made a comment through text about me doing the “right”
thing as far as splitting some of the kid costs. I replied don’t speak to me that way. I always split the cost. And ended the text conversation. She definitely did not like that. Gotta run


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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