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Wolfman Offline OP
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Hey everyone. I just received this text from my ex. When does she ever stop poking at me. Is this normal? Did your exw do this to you guys? Hereís what she text me:

I know you completely ignored me when I asked you to please have our kids be diligent about washing their hands and for you to be aware of who they are spending time with... Iím going to ask you again to please be very diligent. This is not a joke and it has zero to do with me and all to do with the safety and well being of our children! Son gets sick very easily and precautions need to be taken...you constantly say how much you love them then remember that the only important thing here is THEM and nothing or anyone else!!!

How do I respond to this or do I not respond?

I will respond to your previous comments. First time I had time to get on here.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 647
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Hey Wolf,

You played football right? Me too, and I coached high school for 6 years. Blocking and tackling are the fundamentals, hustle between drills, always do the right thing - not the easy thing. Discipline, commitment, hard work...remember 2 a days? Remember how we always said football teaches life lessons? Well we forget to use them! We get too cute, too caught up in the wrong things. Positive mental attitude (PMA) is something I used to preach and live. I'm doing it again now.


I did play football, in college and semipro. That was one of the things football taught me, never quit. And I didnt for a long time. It was hard for me to let go of my dream of being a pro. So I guess you can say the same about my marriage. I believe football taught me you WILL get knocked down but I continued to get up. Even though I was hurting I would keep going because we always preached football was a family and you donít give up on the guy next to you. I felt the same about my family donít give up on them. But unfortunately it got to a point where it was out of my hands and I had to let go.

Originally Posted by LH19
Point taken OB. Maybe I crossed the line with Wolf. I know my communication style isnít for everyone. I just feel blowing sunshine up someoneís a$$ who has a victims mentality does a disservice to him and his children. I will be more conscientious in the future.


Please donít blow sunshine up my butt. I donít want that. I just didnít need the insult. LH I read a lot of your link and you are an emotionally strong guy who seemed to move on ďfairly quicklyĒ or at least it seemed you handled it fairly well. I am not like that. I know I made tons of mistakes it doesnít mean Iím not listening. I just struggled with a lot. People heal and move on at different rates. If we both broke our leg I bet we wouldnít heal at the same time. I also bet that itís possible one of us might not heal 100%. I just ask for patience and not to quit on me. As far as telling me things bluntly, thatís fine. Just not the name calling.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change

As a group of men supporting each other, I believe we are collectively trying to help each other change and grow.


This right here. I donít feel like I can talk to any of my buddies. One they are all married with kids and are so busy. Two they donít get the pain one truly feels going through this. Here we are in the same boat and understand the pain and how to deal. This place has been amazing. Some days I come here just to read others people situation and read the advice the vets give. There needs to be more support groups for men. I think a lot of people just think we are men and can deal with this and just move on, and why not, we are men. We are the ďtoughĒ ones. But like I said my friends donít understand the hurt of divorce. Especially when we donít want it.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Hey everyone. I just received this text from my ex. When does she ever stop poking at me. Is this normal? Did your exw do this to you guys?


Oh yes indeed, I got so many messages like that after S and D. It's aggravating but I usually replied with something like "thank you for the reminder" and then let it go. XW doesn't ever send stuff like that anymore. Maybe she was trying to get a rise out of me, possibly to remind herself why she should "hate" me? No telling. But take the moral high road and it'll diffuse things before they get ugly!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Hey everyone. I just received this text from my ex. When does she ever stop poking at me. Is this normal? Did your exw do this to you guys? Hereís what she text me:

I know you completely ignored me when I asked you to please have our kids be diligent about washing their hands and for you to be aware of who they are spending time with... Iím going to ask you again to please be very diligent. This is not a joke and it has zero to do with me and all to do with the safety and well being of our children! Son gets sick very easily and precautions need to be taken...you constantly say how much you love them then remember that the only important thing here is THEM and nothing or anyone else!!!

How do I respond to this or do I not respond?

I will respond to your previous comments. First time I had time to get on here.



Text is informational. IE there is no need to respond.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Is this normal? Did your exw do this to you guys?
Yes, my X could have written this.


Quote
Hereís what she text me:

I know you completely ignored me when I asked you to please have our kids be diligent about washing their hands and for you to be aware of who they are spending time with... Iím going to ask you again to please be very diligent. This is not a joke and it has zero to do with me and all to do with the safety and well being of our children! Son gets sick very easily and precautions need to be taken...you constantly say how much you love them then remember that the only important thing here is THEM and nothing or anyone else!!!

How do I respond to this or do I not respond?


I always ignore statements like the one I crossed out. they do not warrant a response.
I wait to respond.


H:"W, thank you for sharing your concerns. I have been following the C virus issue closely and I am concerned as well.
I will clarify good hygiene practices with the children. regards, Father"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
When does she ever stop poking at me.


These are the words my X used when I was focused on getting my kids into therapy:
"I still think they would benefit more from having parents that love and support them."


That was about the last dig on me from her. By that point, I was not taking the bait anymore. That was 5 years after D. That statement was made about 5 years ago.


Be patient. Don't take the bait.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Wolf. I'm home with S2 on this gorgeous day, was sick over weekend with XW vommitting and diarrhea. I got the same crap from XW today as well and had to straighten her out. Understand the fears most parents and mothers have with this Corona Virus going around is real though. I know it sounds like nagging. Just understand they are fearful.

Last edited by IHCLACS; 03/09/20 09:15 PM.
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You re a better man than I am Wolf... I just don't GAF and let it fly now. Ill put up my text exchange in my post Wolf if you want some amusement and humor.

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Havenít posted in a little while on my thread. I hope everyone is safe and healthy!!!

I am disappointed in myself, I backslid on DB principles. I kinda got blindsided. My ex called me and my first mistake was I picked up the phone. She started off with what time I was picking up the kids. Then went into that I donít care about her and the kids. That I havenít texted her to see if she is ok and if the kids are ok. To check to see if they have food and water. That I donít care about them. I told her I have been texting both kids everyday (the days I donít have them) to see how they are and if they are ok. She said no I havenít. I should of just got off the phone tight then and there. But I responded I have absolutely been texting the kids. She said it shows what kind of person I am but not checking up on them. That her own dad calls her a couple of times a day to see how they are. I said I am sorry you feel that way but do you remember we are not married anymore? She said instead of texting her or a soling to see is they are I contacted her that she had to pay the electric bill.

Quick background on that, when I lived there we had balance budgeting, when she took my name off they did a final reading and she owed a lot of money, they tried to automatic deduct it from her checking like they always did but she didnít have enough money to cover. So I got a notice there was insufficient funds and I got the letter at my new address. I told her a week ago about it, I went to check 2 days ago and she still didnít pay it. So I text her to remind her to pay that bill.

So she was mad that I only contacted her about the money she owes. And she said I am so selfish that I wanted the kids at my house on the day I am suppose to have them. I said my house is very clean and I am not taking them anywhere. I said why are you so angry? You got everything you wanted, a divorce the home. She cut me off when I said home. She said, Home!!!? I bought you out and a real man would have just left the home to the woman!! Then she started to bring up the past and how bad I was. Blah blah blah. At that point I had, had enough and told her this conversation is over and hung up.

Couple of mistakes on my part: 1. Answering the phone. 2. As soon as she got off the kids should of hung up. 3. I let it go way too long.

What was the point of that? Does she not realize we are not married? I am worried for my kids. I text them all the time to see how they are. I use to text her to see how the kids were. I stopped that a while ago. Our communication is very limited. I have gone dark as much as I could with someone who shares kids. Just a guess I feel like she is realizing she is losing me as her safety net. Or maybe she got into an argument with her BF. I donít know but there was so much anger in her voice. I am so confused why this happened? We have been very cordial and interactions have been limited. Why now? Why this explosion on me??? Besides my mistakes any insight would be great. Even though she has done this to our family and herself, I honestly feel bad for her. I really donít think she understood what divorce was going to be. Financial hardship, having to do this on her own, dealing with kids alone, dating. Thanks everyone, hope everyone is well.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
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W,

It happened because you allowed it to happen. Toxic people love drama and you two feed off one another. My friends parents were like that when they divorced and it really fuched him up. Iím afraid this will also happen to your children. For whatever reason she doesnít respect you and gets off on emasculating you. You take it from her because you need to still feel connected to her.

You need to put a stop to it for your kids sake.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
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