Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2887756 03/02/20 01:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62710&Number=2887064#Post2887064
That is from my previous link.

Job can you link my old one to this one. I cdd as my do it, it’s closed. Thanks

I have a question. My ex is definitely poisoning my daughter about me. My d says things that would it come from a 12 year old. Like my girlfriend is too nice, that is fake no one is that nice. Or she my d actually said, why is a 40 year old still living at home. What’s wrong with her? There must be something wrong if she still lives at home. I responded to that with, “There is nothing wrong with that. She is very picky on who she wants to spend her life with. I hope that you would do the same. Not rush into anything with someone. She is being smart. I would want you to do the same thing.”
The point is my ex is bad mouthing me. Is there anything I can do or should do? I know if I confront my ex. She will deny anything. Or is this just going to be divorce? My d is drifting more and more away from me. In case anyone forgot my d already had an unhealthy obsession with my ex. My IC and my kids IC said to me it’s normal for the abused child to latch on to the abused parent, always looking for love, that they don’t want to be discarded. Abused verbally at times. She has told my d she looks like $hit, she smells like $hit, her hair looks like a birds nest. That’s embarrassing how you go out. And she has seen my ex cut family and close friends out of her life permanently. It just hurts so much, how much I love my children and everything I did for them and how I could die in front of my d and she would step right over me and keep on walking. I know my d is hurting and this is hard for my kids. I just feel like I lost everything. Family and home. Any advice would help.

Last edited by Wolfman; 03/02/20 01:53 PM.

M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
Another question. When I have the kids, she will text me 2 to 3 times, “How are the kids?” I always respond with, “Great.” I usually text her once when she has the kids, “How are they doing?” Should I stop doing that? I want to fully detach at this point. Or is that fuel she will use to tell my kids I don’t care because I don’t text to see how they are. I use to text my d once a day too. But some people have said because of how she is feeling to give her space. Love her from a distance. That I shouldn’t text her either anymore. Help please.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
Originally Posted by Wolfman
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62710&Number=2887064#Post2887064
That is from my previous link.

Job can you link my old one to this one. I cdd as my do it, it’s closed. Thanks

I have a question. My ex is definitely poisoning my daughter about me. My d says things that would it come from a 12 year old. Like my girlfriend is too nice, that is fake no one is that nice. Or she my d actually said, why is a 40 year old still living at home. What’s wrong with her? There must be something wrong if she still lives at home. I responded to that with, “There is nothing wrong with that. She is very picky on who she wants to spend her life with. I hope that you would do the same. Not rush into anything with someone. She is being smart. I would want you to do the same thing.”
The point is my ex is bad mouthing me. Is there anything I can do or should do? I know if I confront my ex. She will deny anything. Or is this just going to be divorce? My d is drifting more and more away from me. In case anyone forgot my d already had an unhealthy obsession with my ex. My IC and my kids IC said to me it’s normal for the abused child to latch on to the abused parent, always looking for love, that they don’t want to be discarded. Abused verbally at times. She has told my d she looks like $hit, she smells like $hit, her hair looks like a birds nest. That’s embarrassing how you go out. And she has seen my ex cut family and close friends out of her life permanently. It just hurts so much, how much I love my children and everything I did for them and how I could die in front of my d and she would step right over me and keep on walking. I know my d is hurting and this is hard for my kids. I just feel like I lost everything. Family and home. Any advice would help.


You can't control your ex-W. Your D is naturally not going to like anyone you date. This is not proof that your W is behind it. I could see my D at 12 saying and asking those kind of things. You talk about 12 yearolds as if they are all the same.

So don't fixate on it. Just make your kids life the best you can when you are with them. Kids are smart. They see when a parent is a good parent. So be a good parent and let your exW deal with them her way.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Another question. When I have the kids, she will text me 2 to 3 times, “How are the kids?” I always respond with, “Great.” I usually text her once when she has the kids, “How are they doing?” Should I stop doing that? I want to fully detach at this point. Or is that fuel she will use to tell my kids I don’t care because I don’t text to see how they are. I use to text my d once a day too. But some people have said because of how she is feeling to give her space. Love her from a distance. That I shouldn’t text her either anymore. Help please.


Stop overthinking things. If she has the kids and you legit want to know how they are doing, text her and ask her. If you are doing it as an excuse to text her, then don't.

And if I am worried or wondering about my D I will text her. She is my D, I am not handling her like a WW.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 129
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 129
W,

Holy $hit where to begin. I don’t think neither of you are fit to be parents and your children don’t have much of a chance but you’re the one here so I’ll give you the advice. Get them in therapy and make it crystal clear to your W not to talk to your daughter like that. EVER!

Do you not see the irony where you tell your daughter not to rush into anything with someone????? I thought your gf was in her twenties or something. Why is she still living at home at 40?

Anyways focus on your kids Wolf they need someone normal and dependable and right now you may be the closest thing to it.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Is your daughter in IC? If not you should consider that. Talk to the counselor and explain that you feel XW is poisoning her and see what he/ she can do to help your D process those emotions. It needs to be an independent 3rd party, if you try to argue with D over every thing XW tells her then you're lowering yourself to XW's level and just confusing D. If you try to talk to XW about it I think it'll just be a waste of time. She will either insist she's right or she'll call you paranoid or both.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by Wolfman
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62710&Number=2887064#Post2887064
That is from my previous link.

Job can you link my old one to this one. I cdd as my do it, it’s closed. Thanks

I have a question. My ex is definitely poisoning my daughter about me. My d says things that would it come from a 12 year old. Like my girlfriend is too nice, that is fake no one is that nice. Or she my d actually said, why is a 40 year old still living at home. What’s wrong with her? There must be something wrong if she still lives at home. I responded to that with, “There is nothing wrong with that. She is very picky on who she wants to spend her life with. I hope that you would do the same. Not rush into anything with someone. She is being smart. I would want you to do the same thing.”
The point is my ex is bad mouthing me. Is there anything I can do or should do? I know if I confront my ex. She will deny anything. Or is this just going to be divorce? My d is drifting more and more away from me. In case anyone forgot my d already had an unhealthy obsession with my ex. My IC and my kids IC said to me it’s normal for the abused child to latch on to the abused parent, always looking for love, that they don’t want to be discarded. Abused verbally at times. She has told my d she looks like $hit, she smells like $hit, her hair looks like a birds nest. That’s embarrassing how you go out. And she has seen my ex cut family and close friends out of her life permanently. It just hurts so much, how much I love my children and everything I did for them and how I could die in front of my d and she would step right over me and keep on walking. I know my d is hurting and this is hard for my kids. I just feel like I lost everything. Family and home. Any advice would help.


You can't control your ex-W. Your D is naturally not going to like anyone you date. This is not proof that your W is behind it.


I feel she is by what my d has said. About my GF living at home. Or she is too nice.

Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Another question. When I have the kids, she will text me 2 to 3 times, “How are the kids?” I always respond with, “Great.” I usually text her once when she has the kids, “How are they doing?” Should I stop doing that? I want to fully detach at this point. Or is that fuel she will use to tell my kids I don’t care because I don’t text to see how they are. I use to text my d once a day too. But some people have said because of how she is feeling to give her space. Love her from a distance. That I shouldn’t text her either anymore. Help please.


Stop overthinking things. If she has the kids and you legit want to know how they are doing, text her and ask her. If you are doing it as an excuse to text her, then don't.

And if I am worried or wondering about my D I will text her. She is my D, I am not handling her like a WW.

I guess for me I should just text her on occasion. I don’t get much but that is ok. At least she will know I care.

Originally Posted by LH19
W,

Holy $hit where to begin. I don’t think neither of you are fit to be parents and your children don’t have much of a chance but you’re the one here so I’ll give you the advice. Get them in therapy and make it crystal clear to your W not to talk to your daughter like that. EVER!

Do you not see the irony where you tell your daughter not to rush into anything with someone????? I thought your gf was in her twenties or something. Why is she still living at home at 40?

Anyways focus on your kids Wolf they need someone normal and dependable and right now you may be the closest thing to it.

My GF is 26. She made up that number 30. My d does go to IC but once a month. I think she needs more. I do focus on my kids. I try to make sure I am the best dad when I am with them. It’s hard when d doesn’t want to be around me.
And yes this is really ruining my children. I can only take care of my part. I really feel at this point I will lose my d. Hopefully one day she will realize what a good father I was. Or at least tried to be.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Is your daughter in IC? If not you should consider that. Talk to the counselor and explain that you feel XW is poisoning her and see what he/ she can do to help your D process those emotions. It needs to be an independent 3rd party, if you try to argue with D over every thing XW tells her then you're lowering yourself to XW's level and just confusing D. If you try to talk to XW about it I think it'll just be a waste of time. She will either insist she's right or she'll call you paranoid or both.

I agree. There is no point in talking to ex. I will let my d’s IC know for next time.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
I am detaching more and more from ex. And really starting to fall for my GF. As I detach more the ex is getting more and more mad and trying to gaslight me. 2 weeks ago she took the kids on a cruise while I was in Brazil. She was angry that I did not call the kids or text them that week while they were on the cruise. She said what kind of father doesn’t speak to his kids for a week. I said you were in the middle of the ocean.
Then yesterday my sons basketball team went to a minor league basketball game. My sons team got to play on the court before the game started. When the team was going out on the court, she was not there yet. I text her to tell her the kids were going on the court. Her response was, “Oh your here, good communication. Top secret huh?” I just responded I’m here. She doesn’t like that I am detaching more and more. Honestly she is making me despise her more and more. I’m tired of the gaslighting. I’m tired of her angry emotions all the time.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 129
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 129
You may want to look up detaching because that you definitely are not.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
Originally Posted by LH19
You may want to look up detaching because that you definitely are not.


Ok you might be right. I guess trying to separate myself from her. But I am working hard to keep detaching. I just read the thread.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard