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#2887646 03/01/20 07:36 AM
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~J~ New thread, new month. I like when things align like that. Had a great conversation today. It really helped to put me back in the optimistic mood I usually dwell in. I truly am a positive person and really believe my gut/intuition. I believe more will be revealed with 00. Not to me, but he'll open up to family. I'm only going on my gut feeling here, but I feel since he's reaching out to his family, there will be some invervention of sorts. We all care about his well being & no one would judge him on his actions that have happened. I don't know what he's willing to share. I'm hoping everything. Nothing to loose right? 00 has been in contact with those that will ask questions & want answers & they will listen. I hope 00 listens too. I was crying happy tears today knowing that 00 will get the opportunity to release some stress by talking honesty with family.

I've also opened up a bit more to my extended family. Not everything, but just enough. They worry, they know something is wrong. Things are JUST getting started here. Lots of twists & turns. I don't know what's coming next. I just need to figure my own things out. I love this man so much I gave him his freedom to go on this "journey" he needs. That's what you do! Everything else is just dust in the wind. I might not like what's happened, but it needs to run it's course. Let the universe playout whatever it has in store. This is just today, and there will be a tomorrow.



~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
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Hi Can,

Yes, that’s all you can do.....leave it to the universe. It’s a journey he has to travel.

Trust your gut, and leave him to it. But know that this will go on for a long time. A marathon, not a sprint, right?

I admire the way you are dealing with it, truly amazing lady.

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DnJ Online
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Good Morning Can

New thread. New month. smile

New clarity?

You are doing so well. It really shows in your posts.

Yep, leave H to his path. It’s his journey.

I love your line:

Originally Posted by CanBird
I just need to figure my own things out.

There is a definite shift within an LBS when they start to drop the rope.

No longer tangled within the loops and twists. No longer dragged around.

You find balance.

You can stand. In all the sense of that word.

I am hoping you get the job tomorrow. Good luck!

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Originally Posted by Westo
Hi Can,

Yes, that’s all you can do.....leave it to the universe. It’s a journey he has to travel.

Trust your gut, and leave him to it. But know that this will go on for a long time. A marathon, not a sprint, right?

I admire the way you are dealing with it, truly amazing lady.


Thank you Westo, that means a lot. I've been reading your sitch & find a lot of inspiration there. I relate to it a lot. I'm a strong woman & am here for the long haul because for better or worse, you don't give up on people you care for. Your strategy might change along the way but you don't give up.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Good Morning Can

New thread. New month. smile

New clarity?

You are doing so well. It really shows in your posts.

Yep, leave H to his path. It’s his journey.

I love your line:

Originally Posted by CanBird
I just need to figure my own things out.

There is a definite shift within an LBS when they start to drop the rope.

No longer tangled within the loops and twists. No longer dragged around.

You find balance.

You can stand. In all the sense of that word.

I am hoping you get the job tomorrow. Good luck!

DnJ



Hi DnJ. Thank you. I alway enjoy hearing from you. Yes, I guess I do have a new sense of clarity as things have starting to fall into place for me. It sure feels like they are! That "shift" you mentioned; I feel it. A positive shift. I need to feed that feeling & keep my positive fire fueled!

Keeping my fingers & toes crossed for that job. It'd be the perfect fit.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Posts: 715
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~J~ 00 reached out via text and it was detailed! Not short at all. Said where he was (which I already knew; we discussed it post departure).

He also apologized in detail (wow!!), for being short with me the other day when we spoke on the phone. WOW. He explained in detail why he was short too. WOW.

What's next? Well see NEXT week. YIKES!!! (CLEAN THE HOUSE!!!) He told me he plans to return HERE to see D3 & has other business to tend to (which he explained in detail). Those weren't his exact words, but that's the plan.

Zero expectations right? I can't help but analiyze a few details, pieces of this situation. Of course the little hamster in my head is running at full speed on her wheel. SLOW DOWN GIRL! Breathe....

For me, it's the first time 00 has returned since his full confession. I'm 99.9% sure he's been with OW/xgf. Regardless of what he's been up to or where he's been, it's part of his "jouney" that he must do & it has nothing to do with me. I get it.

If it wasn't for this forum, the DB book & everyone on this forum, I don't know how I'd handle this. (It's almost been a year since the first BD). I've never been to IC & as a couple, we've never went to MC. (I'm all for it because I want R). Not sure about 00, but 99.999% he hasn't spoke to any C. Hopefully he's talked to family, and has some more clairity about the deeper stuff from his past.

My question now is, how do I conduct myself while 00 is here? I'm assuming he's staying in our home, as he hasn't said otherwise. Act as if he's a room mate? Treat him like a brother (without hugging him?). Ugh... it will be SO hard not to be flirty with him. He REALLY REALLY still does it for me. Anyway... suggestions please!

Love you guys (((((Hugs))))))


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Can

wow
I would keep it simple, as you did the last visit
and let him lead

I feel certain more will be revealed
just keep working on you
have plans and play dates but be open to his lead

I would not bring up R talks and keep expectations low..just like last visit

He obviously feels safe enough to return...
and he is choosing to not stay in hotel?
I think
many a MLCer would choose a hotel

I dont know the extent of what he shared with you this text, but he may be coming to do doing exactly what he said
see D3 and finish business that needs his attention

He may be coming because he has more clarity in a certain direction or is still very unsure

This situation seems different because many of the MLCers here do not seem to return even for short periods and stay in the home, but some do come back..some leave again..

He is still early in the MLC if it is true MLC--so I would expect less than more while still being hopeful
that no matter the direction...You are ok now and forever


married 14 years
H 42
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D final 3 /09
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ACT AS IF you are going about your interesting life. In fact, this is an opportunity to put a little doubt in his mind.

Note: I am NOT suggesting dating other people, but it might not hurt to let him WONDER if he might lose you to someone else. (They usually think we are just waiting on the shelf, pining for them, a safe Plan B. It doesn't occur to them that what is good for the goose is good for the gander or vice versa).

Some things you can do:
Set the stage - house is clean, warm, inviting. Stage it like you would for a house sale. Good smells etc.

Leave some clues. Sexy new lingerie drying in the bathroom ("Hmmm, is some other man enjoying her in that new lingerie?"). "Accidentally leave out a pair of used wine glasses and an empty wine bottle ("did she have a man over?").

While he has your daughter, let him see you dressed up, perfume, looking ready for a date as you go out the door. If he asks what you are doing you are "meeting a friend. You don't know them". Then go out, even if it's just to the library.

Sometimes WASs reconsider when they feel the pain of seeing their LB dating someone else. Usually it's too late then. So again, not suggesting you date, but plant a seed of doubt in his mind.

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Can, I think the friendly cashier is a closer approximation. A roommate still has an intimacy that I think you'd be best to avoid now.

Many, many of them have early false returns. Mine showed up in the house a week to the day after I put him out the first time with all of his stuff begging for a chance to start over. I went out of town three days later for work and he stopped communicating. When I got back a few days later, he was clearly mentally gone and I put him out permanently one week to the day he came back. Keep those expectations very, very, very low. Your excitement jumps off the screen here. Don't let him see that (pressure). Don't worry about where he sleeps. And don't try to initiate any affection with him. Mirror his behaviors, but let him lead.

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Hi Can

This is an interesting turn.

Be friendly. Expectations at zero. And no pressure.

I know you have questions of him. He has months of stuff to answer for. This isn’t the time to ask him.

Let him lead the the conversation. Mirror him.

You don’t really know what he is wanting. So for a good portion you’ll just play it by ear. Remain calm and detached. You can scream and punch something later at the gym. smile

peace, kml, and Own have given good advice.

Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Everyone and every situation is unique; with overall similarities.

Remember to focus on you. You might have a job by then.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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