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Oh DV I had been wondering about you, hoping you were alright, knew you were traveling. Of all the options for quarantine you are very lucky that you and your sis can stay in your home isolated from others. I'm glad for that.

I'm sure you're going stir crazy, but it gets easier. You'll find your way through.

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DJ! I am very happy you got our there to vegas for your tournament because I know how much you were looking forward to that. Totally worth the 2 week quarantine. YOur concern is so sweet! It is pretty bad over here, I am not going to lie. ANd it is scary. Watching the nurses on my unit having to deal with this since our unit turned into the COVID unit, they have been really strong, but really scared, because we have to beg the community for donations of PPE because there isn't enough. There are patient's who are dying. SOme who have it, but are OK. We don't go into patient rooms anymore,we do everything telphonically but we are on a unit, and we are shoved into an office because ours is closed with 6 inches of space in between us, but no exagerration. We could work from home, but that will never happen.

Anyways, I go to work, and I come home. D 12 is doing well. It's scary. But we are all holding up. Stay safe there, and really, just stay home when you can!

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Hi All.

Day 12 of self isolation and so far so good other than I’ve had a killer headache since Friday. Probably got about an hour sleep last night so I texted my boss that I am taking a sick day...in my house...which is also my office...lol. So bizarre. This is my last week doing my old job and next week I start my new one. I’m going into the office but it is closed to the public so there will just be me and ?? Who knows? Apparently we are on a rotation so there is only two people in the office at the most. I haven’t met any of my staff so this is going to be strange. And people are projecting that this is going to go on for at least four months which is the period of time the federal government is basically supporting anyone who doesn’t have a job. My SD20 lost both her jobs because of CV19 so is applying for the emergency benefit which apparently is about $2,000 a month which will actually be a raise for her...lol.

Speaking of... she’s moving in this coming weekend. I am supposed to go to the mainland on Saturday to get her. Her dad was making noise about keeping the kids (didn’t say it directly but that is where he was heading with his texts) because she is moving in. I guess he thinks because she is 20, she can’t be taking this seriously and was demanding to know how I was going to “keep her quarantined”. Uh...she isn’t quarantined, she is under the same social distancing rules that everyone else is. Never mind that she knows NO ONE here so I have no idea why he thinks she is all of a sudden going to be going out. She told me she is only going out to walk or run with the dog and that’s about it. She assures me that she is taking this seriously and I trust her. Ironic, isn’t it? He is trying to use the fact that HIS daughter is moving in with me to keep me from MY kids. No... hey DV....thanks for taking care of my daughter. Nope. Not once as he EVER said that to me. He thinks because she isn’t talking to him right now that all of his responsibilities toward her stop. It would go a LONG way with her if he sent her some money once in awhile without any expectations or wrote her a heartfelt apology letter for not stepping up as a dad. But no... he won’t. He won’t because at the end of the day, he just doesn’t get it. Not because he is stupid but because he really doesn’t want to get it as that would mean he would have to take a good long look in the mirror and he avoids doing that at all costs.

Then, after having that fun text exchange with XH, I have XMIL texting me yesterday that she stayed up “all night” worrying. She then asked me if Jack was going to be here at all. He is working 45 minutes away from here so I had offered for him to stay with me until all this is over. I told her that if he does stay with me, he is doing the same thing as everyone else. He goes straight to work, works up a ladder by himself and then comes home unless he has to go to the grocery store. He washes his hands and disinfects like everyone else. Maybe even more so because 1) he has asthma and knows he is at higher risk and 2) he is a self-admitted germaphobe. I also reminded her that I will also be going out to work and to the grocery store so am the same risk as he is. She replied that going out to work once in awhile is not the same as going out every day. I then said that is irrelevant and that I could go out 100 times and not be exposed or I could go out once and be exposed. The important thing is that we follow the same procedures every time to minimize the risk. I also reminded her that we don’t live together and that if she wants to keep herself 100% safe, all she has to do is close the door between our two living spaces (which she has done while I’ve been isolating) and not have the kids or SD20 over.

Her response... well, now she’s worried about the kids’ safety too. Sigh... XH, who is now an expert on infectious diseases apparently, has decided that because D12 has mild sports-related asthma, she is at high risk. I’m sure he has been in his mom’s ear about it. Will I ever just get to be divorced?!? I love my home but there may come a point when we just sell and go our separate ways cause I refuse to be parented by my X’s mom and get passive aggressive messages from him through her. I’m an adult. I get to make my own decisions and I am not an overly anxious person the way he is so I will not be made out to be a bad person because of it. My kids are counting the days until they can come home so they are coming home and I will take care of them the way I always have. Frankly, it’s insulting to be questioned like this. If XMIL told me she was going to have someone move in with her, I would not say one word about it. Why? Because I trust her to do her part but, more importantly, she can do what she wants with her place. We do not live together. She lives in a completely self-contained suite that I do not go into unless I want to talk to her in person which is only about 10% of our communications... mostly we text. Why she and XH don’t seem to get that is beyond me. Okay...enough of that. Writing about it just makes me mad.

I texted with Brook for awhile last night. We still talk now and again. He is a nurse at his local hospital so is on his own most of the time as his daughters don’t want to be around him and risk getting CV19. He’s a hugger so he is feeling pretty lonely. We have nice conversations when we do talk but we have definitely moved on from where we were in January. Him because I think he is just too soon out of his divorce and me because I still need to figure out where things are going with Jack. I miss Jack. I miss his hugs and just having him around in general. I was thinking that if he stays with me for awhile, I will cash in on those guitar lessons he promised me. I just need to figure out what to do about my nails since there are no more nail or hair appointments. Now THAT is scary. I can live without the nails (just have to figure out how to get the polish off of them) but my hair is another story. This will be a real test of Jack’s love for me cause it won’t be pretty after awhile. I have to get out of this self isolation so I can get some hair dye...lol.

Anyway...been thinking a lot about everyone on this board - in particular those of you in areas that have been hit hard with CV19. Our government in Canada has been unbelievably steady and calm in this crisis. I don’t care what party you are affiliated with, when I look at what is going on in other countries, I am unbelievably grateful and proud of our leaders for stepping up the way they have been. Our PM has been addressing the nation daily from self isolation and answering questions. There have been daily updates from the provincial government as well. Every time you turn on the tv, the message to stay home, do your part, socially distance, etc... is front and centre. No one here has ANY excuse for not getting on board with social distancing.

Meanwhile we have the American president accusing New York doctors and nurses of stealing and hoarding medical equipment and talking vaguely about conspiracies and how someone should look into that. Oh...and he never said he wanted people back to work by Easter, that was just an aspirational statement. And any shortage of medical supplies is Obama’s fault even though he has been out of office for almost four years. Apparently America’s military was “out of bullets” when he was elected which was also Obama’s fault...lmao. Out of bullets!!! Everything that comes out of that man’s mouth is a lie. He even tells people when they quote him verbatim that they are lying because he can’t keep his lies straight in his own mind. When he was told recently that up to two million Americans could die if they continue to go on the trajectory they are on, he said no one ever told him that even though there is footage of him being told that exact thing two weeks ago. Wow...there are no words...it is like when the Russian government was denying Chernobyl was going on even though we could all see it burning from space. It is insane. He and North Korea’s leader are a couple of public executions away from being the same person.

My apologies to my American friends on here but I am just so upset by this man’s negligence and lack of caring for his own people. He and his lackeys actually suggested there are lots of older Americans out there who would be happy to die of CV19 to save the economy. Wtf?!?! And he has high approval ratings??? How is that possible??? I just don’t understand. Okay. Rant over. Sorry if I have offended anyone here but d@mn...it is just so hard to watch.

Praying for all of you. Wash your hands and don’t touch your face!! Stay safe and be well.

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Yes it was ridiculous. Apparently he couldn't understand that in ordinary circumstances, masks are only worn in certain circumstances in a hospital. Now ALL the staff - janitors, food service people, secretaries, ALL doctors and nurses - have to wear masks 24/7. How can he not understand that that means you need a HUGE increase in masks???? Of COURSE you have to go from 20,000 to 200,000. He is embarrassingly moronic.

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And for those who weren't watching this weekend - Trump questioned why NYC would need this increase in masks and implied they were being sold off the back of the truck. Yes. he did.

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TDS. It’s everywhere - even Canada. smile has he ever done ANYTHING right? Anything?


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I watched that entire newscast and yes, Trump did question why the request jumped from one number to a rather large one for masks.

I am happy to see that the naval ship "Comfort" arrived to help people in NYC. They have been slammed hard and I honestly hope that the other "hot spots" will get some relief in the coming days.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Hi All.

Thought it was time for a check-in. Hope this post finds everyone well and in good spirits. Thinking about those of you in the hardest hit areas and praying people do their part to bend the curve. So far so good where I am. The vast majority of people are staying home and our daily numbers aren’t terrible considering what they could be. Hospitals are managing well apparently. The government has really stepped up and trying to support the people who are out of work as much as possible. Everyone I know who applied for the emergency relief benefit ($2000 a month) got their money within two days of applying. That’s pretty good considering we are talking about a couple of million people applying in the same week.

I started my new job last week. I am one of the lucky ones who has been designated essential services and my workplace is small so I am able to go into the office most days and still follow the social distancing rules. I really like my staff but am becoming aware of some issues that need to be dealt with over the next couple of months. The last supervisor was apparently “done” and putting forth minimal effort with respect to supervising staff. This was okay for the staff who had been around for 15 years but towards the end of her tenure, those people left and she got a couple of new staff who were experienced clinically but new to this area of government and one of them new to government completely as he had been in private practice.

Anyway...the supervisor left and while they were waiting for her replacement (me), my counterpart in our capital took over some of the supervision and became aware that things weren’t being done that should have been. So she provided some feedback (I’m sure quite gently given my experience of her) and asked for them to make some changes which they either did half-way or ignored her requests altogether. The things she was asking were not out of the ordinary (no-brainers in my estimation) so the push back was a bit perplexing to me. What I’ve come to realize is that because they were not trained properly and left to their own devices, they experienced the feedback from my counterpart as meddling and her not understanding that “we do things differently” here.

So...I have some work ahead of me. I’m not a micro manager or someone who doesn’t support creativity when it comes to working with clients however, I know that if something goes sideways with a client, it is really, really, really important that what you are doing and have done with them is accurately reflected in their files. And, as I explained to one of my staff on Friday, I’m ultimately responsible so I have to know what is going on and there will be some things that are non-negotiable. That wasn’t the easiest conversation to have as I am aware that there have been some resentments building for some time and they had pictured me coming in and defending them. I am happy to do that but only if I agree and some of the things they are upset about, I just don’t agree with. So I had to address some things with him and I think it was a good conversation but the thing about being the boss is that there is I may never really know.

On the home front, things are going well. I had the kids for a week after my self isolation ended and they went back to their dad’s on Saturday for another week. My son really struggled with leaving. He says a week is a really long time to be at dad’s without seeing me. He loves his dad and wants to visit with him but his dad’s place isn’t home. He was quite clingy the last two days and constantly hugging me and telling me how much he would miss me and that he wanted to stay. It was upsetting but I just reassured him that we could FaceTime whenever he wants and that when he is older, he can decide where he wants to be and for how long. My son is such a sensitive little soul.

Jack has been staying with me for a week and it’s actually going really, really well. SD20 and XMIL are warming up to him. We had Easter dinner last night and Jack played some classical guitar which is always a hit - especially with XMIL. He is talking more with everyone and has been playful with the kids. We had family game night on Friday with XMIL and played some basketball with D12 and then Saturday morning he and SD20 had a nerf gun fight with the twins while I was in the shower. Having him around definitely makes life less lonely for me - especially when the kids aren’t home. We had a good talk last week. We love each other but still question whether we are fooling ourselves that it could last long term. We’ve basically decided that he is going to stay with me until the CV19 social distancing measures are over with and then we will reevaluate. Who knows? After four months, we should definitely have an idea whether or not we are compatible to live together. The great part about this particular situation is that it gave us a good excuse to try this (either we lived together or we didn’t see each other) and also a natural out if things don’t go well. So far so good but it’s only been a week so we’ll see.

I’ve thought about this a lot and I just don’t think I am capable of that “all-in, head-over-heels, blind faith” kind of love anymore. In the past, I’ve thrown myself into relationships and ignored any warning signs or niggling doubts...this was especially the case with XH. I knew he was capable of cheating and lying but I just didn’t think it would happen with us because of how head over heels in love we were. I realize now that those behaviours don’t just happen...they aren’t accidents...they aren’t a measurement of how much someone loves you. I thought that he couldn’t do those things to me because of how much he loved me but that was faulty thinking on my part. Even during the worst times in our relationship, I could not have done the things that he did to me. Commitment, honesty, loyalty...these are character traits and they don’t change without a lot of serious personal work that begins with taking responsibility and ownership of your behaviour. XH doesn’t do that. He never has and I don’t think he ever truly will. Seeing how he has dealt with SD20 is proof of that. What is that saying? When someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. Makes a lot of sense to me now. And I think that is why I don’t see myself rushing into anything with anyone anymore. People show you who they are over time.

Anyway...that’s enough rambling for the day. Stay safe and stay well everyone!!! (((HUGS)))

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DejaVu6 Offline OP
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Another week of social distancing and I am super proud of my area of the world. Only three deaths in my health authority thanks to people taking this seriously and working to flatten the curve. I am still flabbergasted when I read posts on here from people who are minimizing the impact of this pandemic or making an argument for doing less, not more, to stop the spread. People’s capacity to deny reality when it suits them never ceases to amaze me.

Kids’ teachers are sending weekly plans so their school is going well. They’ve been at their dad’s for the past week and will be coming home today. Looking forward to having more bodies in the house. Had a nice chat with SD20 last night. I hadn’t seen her for a couple days as she mostly stays downstairs and eats with her grandma. She comes up to sit on my deck and work on her tan.

I am still going to work every day so not a lot has changed for me day to day other than my VISA bill is a lot smaller because I’m not going for out for dinner or shopping for anything other than groceries. I get to see my sister pretty regularly still as we walk our dogs together (six feet apart, of course). She’s not working so is quite bored.

Jack and I are still doing reasonably well. He’s trying hard to follow my rules around keeping the living areas of the home relatively clean and tidy and adjusting to having scheduled dinners. He’s used to living the life of a bachelor and doing what he wants 24/7 on his own timeline so having to consider someone else’s is a big change. We’ve had a couple of clashes because of it but nothing major. Still not sure if this arrangement is going to last any longer than social distancing restrictions but time will tell.

Time to get my Saturday started... thinking about those of you who are living in areas that have been hit hard by this illness. Stay safe and stay well!!! (((HUGS)))

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Glad that your area is doing much better then ours. Common joke when our president got in was “time to move to Canada”. Its been really sloppy and messy in the US. Embarrassingly handled - I’m not sure if someone could do a worse job but not surprised to be honest.

Anyway, I wanted to respond to predicting who will be a cheater. I don’t think there is any way to predict. Obviously, if they cheated on someone else with you - you know eventually they will cheat on you. If they have a history of cheating that’s a huge red flag. But other then that what do we have to go on? There’s different types of cheaters as well.

When I met my ex husband I never felt head over heels or intense chemistry. I went for him believe it or not because I felt like he was stable and wouldn’t cheat. He wasn’t romantic, he was not a womanizer. I felt like he was shy, humble, and honest. He had tons of asbergers qualities that I felt safe with when it came to cheating.

Maybe one factor is that they tend to be entitled. My ex was always late - and even made comments like “they can wait for me”. It was always about him first. Maybe that’s a predictor for a cheater. But a blander less passionate no drama relationship isn’t a safety net. Trust me - I lived that.

Best of luck and glad to see your doing well in all of this.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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