Got triggered so I got off this board for a week. I'm shaky emotionally so I'm afraid to read the responses on newcomers. I had to get on anti anxiety meds to get through this as I'm having a hard time coping. I'm diligently working to read nothing but positive things reminding myself that no matter what I will get through it. I'm starting fresh on this side of the board. Just looking for support and a place to journal.
Talked to my L today and court is still on for Monday, February 24th. H won't get served his L will. This date is to get the judge to sign off on the change from complaint for support to complaint for D and a request for temporary support while the D is in process. I do not have to be there since this will all happen in judges chambers.
I'm filing because I need more support. He is paying enough for necessities (keeps me off the street). If something big happened he "might" pay for it but that's a big no from me.
Don't worry, I looked back on your Newcomers thread, comments were supportive.
You're right to look after your financial interests. Divorcing and securing your financial well-being doesn't prevent him from reconciling in the future of that is really in the cards - people can and do get remarried sometimes. But it's important to protect yourself financially. It's good that he just got a promotion too!
I know all this feels terrible and not like an opportunity, but believe it or not, it is. It's an opportunity to get back in touch with your true self, not the self that has been pretzeling herself to try to please her H. It's a chance to try new things that he may have been holding you back from. (I learned to play the drums in a punk rock band when my H left!). It's a chance to chart your own course in life. It's a chance to do the things that he may have ridiculed or poo-pooed or just didn't want to spend time doing with you.
Start thinking about ways on which your future could be brighter. Start broadening your interests and your friendships. You will be okay. This is an opportunity to become a new and improved version of you. Living well is the best revenge!
kml I get a bit twitchy at times and then I withdraw until I feel better. My teens are happy I got more meds. They kinda turn me into a bit of a zombie but it's better than the alternative. I've gotten worse the closer I get to opening pandora's box. I don't think H knows I've filed for D yet.
**I have things to say about opportunities but I'm short on time**
I filed for temporary support right after he left. I got a court date and he got served. To nice him back I cancelled it, my L instead postponed it (I drew a good judge). Now that I'm changing my case from support to divorce it requires a judges signature to proceed since it's not a "new" case. H's attorney won't be notified until after the judge signs off on the change. I'm speculating based on how my court operates. I can make changes like addresses and amounts but I can't just change the nature of a case without a judges signature.
Don’t be. I’ve never seen someone ruin a real chance of reconciliation by filing, but I HAVE seen many women get scr@wed financially by trying to “nice” their husbands back.
Fight for your kids, for your fair share of marital assets, and work on building a duccsssful future for yourself. Step out of your comfort zone. Model resiliency for your kids.
You can do this Kas!! Don’t be scared. You are doing what you need to do for you and your children. You didn’t ask for this... he did. Stand tall and whatever you do, don’t let him goad you into a conflict. Try to see it as business. I know that it is more than that but for this purpose, getting your share of the assets and being able to look after your kids, business it is. (((HUGS)))
Be aware that the moderators on this forum are somewhat voyeuristic; they read our posts. Strange. Anyway, the following is a list of words you shouldn't use:
In addition, you can say, "I'm going to take my trash to the dump", but you can't say "I'm going to take a [censored] on my XW's porch. Context can be important.
I wish I would have had the strength at the time to file right after my XW told me she wanted a D and moved out. Instead I gave her 8 months to get comfortable and situated with her life then she told me she was ready to proceed.
I know it's not what you want but be very proud of yourself.
