We have been dating a little over a month and i know in the beginning you should keep it light. But there is only so much you can say about netflix and food. And we all know I am a foodie. I caught him once getting a little vulnerable but he pulled that back pretty fast I think because he thought it would turn me off. I honestly don't think he is the one for me. But I can give it some time. We haven't had a "real" date for over two weeks. He was sick, so we had a date cancelled. We had lunch one day and went to BBB. Then he came over saturday night and we ordered out some food and of course, netflix. Nothing this week because of his intense selfcare/GAL schedule. Maybe something Sunday. I would like to have a real date date with me again. He also really stinks at making decisions, planning,a dn taking the lead. Which is something I find extremely attractive in a man,. We are supposed to go to a concert on March 28th which will probably be cancelled. What I need to see from him is a little more depth and maybe a little more going out. I think he is content with a woman to eat with and netflix and chill with and not much more. ALthough I think he would want to commit to that woman and live with that woman, but that would be the relationship, and it is not enough for me. Which apparently is too much pressure according to doodler.
I realize I have been 12 years and no remarriage or LTR. I am most certainly an outlier. I also realize that if I wanted it "that bad" I am sure i could be married to the wrong person by now. I am employed, a good mom, not hard on the eyes, funny, and independent. But truth be told, I am not willing to just settle for anyone. They need to be a good fit. I am not single still for the pure reason I am a bad partner or I have a bad picker, or I am all messed up. I am single because as much as I desire a long term partnership, it truly needs to be with the right person.
In other news, I am probably not going on my cruise. We also had our first confirmed case at my hospital. Found out at 3pm today. It's a big deal. We are a small community hospital. Odds are strong we have been in contact with someone who was in contact with him. Work is going to become a huge challenge. It already is. It's scary. We are skyping meetings, socially distancing, the whole 9. The hospitals are taking serious precautions. Many many business might shut down or work from home, but that will never happen to a hospital. Fun times.
I just have to say my ex has become so much of a better ex husband than he ever was a husband. He buys my dog stuff, he sent me a link last night where I might be able to save on my cruise, I told him I was replacing D12’s bedroom door, and he offered to come help....... I don’t even know who this man is! He would jump to help his sister and friends always, but to do anything nice for me.... never. He hates it. I was the burden. Now, he offers help.
Maybe he’s changed a bit. Or maybe he’s just awful to the people he marries? I don’t know.
Yeah, it takes a lot of pressure to shoot down the bigger bugs; the mosquitoes, not so much.
Quite a few years ago I was at a sailing regatta on Lake Conoy just off Chesapeake Bay. It started bucketing down rain on the second day - nasty rain that didn't fool around. The darned mosquitoes still kept attacking. Nothing like our polite Canadian mosquitoes that during bad weather would go off somewhere for a beer and a dish of poutine. It would take an awful lot of pressure to defeat those.
Not having my own thread is fun
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Maybe he’s changed a bit. Or maybe he’s just awful to the people he marries? I don’t know.
But I’ll take it!
Doubtful that he's changed. Hasn't he made it pretty clear that he would be happy to have an "ex with benefits"?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
We have been dating a little over a month and i know in the beginning you should keep it light. But there is only so much you can say about netflix and food. And we all know I am a foodie. I caught him once getting a little vulnerable but he pulled that back pretty fast I think because he thought it would turn me off. I honestly don't think he is the one for me. But I can give it some time.
vulnerability = true intimacy, which takes time to develop. Glad you are giving it some time. It may be that you will move on, or maybe you will find that he's been hiding his light under food and Netflix conversation. Either way, enjoy what you have while you have it (as I know you do). xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
G....I have been dating the Doc for over a year now and we don't get bogged down with a ton of in depth conversations. We both know we are committed to each other so what else is there to say? She talks a lot about her day, her life, things that happen in it. I mostly just listen and validate. We have had some general conversations about marriage but nothing specific about the details of it.
Not sure what you are expecting unless you want to discuss his thoughts on the Lebanese position and the overall global impacts of the future markets.
My guess is that it's more than that. Is he not Alpha enough for you?
Here's what I think.. You're just not that into him. I have to be with someone.who can talk about things other than food and Netflix..I'm not talking about intimate talk or vulnerable talk. I'm talking about someone being able to speak about what's going on the world or history or music or entertainment...something..
Ive had the feeling since the beginning that he isnt your guy, G. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Maybe he is just supposed to be your tv and eating buddy, ya know.
You’ve not talked much about this guy - and that in itself may be saying something. Based on the little you have said and in knowing how you’ve handled and spoke about other guys, I agree, you’re just not that into him. The chemistry is just not there. You say you don’t have a type and you may not but this guy is not your type. You poo-poo’d his not drinking and if it was JUST that it might be okay but it’s part of the package of who he is. You said you wanted a boring Netflix and chill guy. Well you’ve got it. But the chemistry is just not their. If it was you would not be able to help yourself from telling us how great he was and how wonderful things were. He’s just not it.
And all of that’s okay. Good even that you are holding out for the right guy. I do the same for the right girl. I don’t nessisarily set out to but it’s what I feel. It’s not even that there is anything wrong with him. He’s likely not a bad guy - he just doesn’t do it for you. You don’t think about him all the time, can’t wait to see him, e5c. - at least it doesn’t seem that way. You’ve given it a chance, you’ve given him a chance. It’s just not there. That’s dating. It’s okay. It’s normal
While I still just chalk it up to not a match, I do wonder if the lack of challenge has a piece in this. Other than the first week or two where he asked you out last minute, he pretty much made you his GF very early on. There was very little challenge or mystery for you. And you claimed that’s what you wanted. Just like you claimed Netflix and chill was what you wanted. The coach and others would say this is a route to the friend zone. Who knows. It just is interesting that some times what we think we want is not what we really want. Just something to think about.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
J- I’m sure if your conversations revolves around two things, you’d be pretty bored. I’m not looking to get into world affairs here, but I like a good debate, to see how people think and get different perspectives on things.
You are absolutely right that he is not alpha enough for me. He’s not alpha at all. Even his kids walk all over him and he admitted he has no power at all over them. His son who lives at home gets away with being completely lazy and not going to school. Like he is extremely passive.
And yup, UR, you are right. I’m just not that into him. And he may just be my food and Netflix buddy. And he is friend zoning himself a bit.
Don, I am not just looking for anyone to be with to Netflix and chill with. It’s a great part of an R, but there needs to be more there for that to survive . It’s definitely not the lack of challenge. I don’t need that. But I do need a man to take the lead and be a little alpha. Show me he’s a man. Make plans, be decisive, not be so passive all the time.
But it what it is right now. At work we have positive case and a few highly suspicious. It’s getting dicey. School will be from home for 2 weeks. Thank god she is old enough to be home alone and she’s pretty disciplined with school . They have certain expectations and she will be logged in. She already set up her home school, lol. She likes structure . At least the dog will have company all day.
And my coworker is pretty sure her son has it. He lives and works in NYC and has 4 roommates and one tested positive and today he isn’t feeling well. I’m a little worried because my coworker told him to come home. I share a closet of workspace with her. This should be interesting
Life is weird right now. I’m stealing TP from work because I only had 2 rolls left and you can’t get it around here.
Well G, I am sure that is what caused issues in his marriage as well. I know over the years I got to a point of just pacifying my xw as it was just easier to deal with her. If I had taken a different approach I might not have ended up in this situation. I learned though and am now very aware of when I need to call the doc out on her stuff. Just this morning she cut me off mid sentence and instead of just taking it I told her she cut me off and didnt allow me to finish. She apologized.
Anyway it sounds like maybe he needs to read some books 😉
