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All new to me #2885977
02/17/20 02:18 PM
02/17/20 02:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,374
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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Previous Thread:

Trials and tribulations of dating 3

Probably an appropriate title. Because this really is all new to me.

Deja, KML, LH, , and bttfly , you are all right. Everything has been very appropriate so far. Neither of us are seeing anyone else so not much changes with the ďtitleĒ . Iím happy to be his girlfriend.

I usually date guys who are uncomfortable with that. Have so much baggage , are j sure of what they want and are easily scared. E Is divorced, very cordially, no hard feelings and no soft feelings either. They are over and done romantically, not bitter towards each other and raise their kids very well together. He has hobbies. He likes to be partnered. He likes to have one person to do things with and spend time with. Heís spoken of travel and a bunch of other things he would like to do together.

Itís the most normal appropriate thing I think I have ever had. And itís not boring . Itís just so freakin new and something I have never ever had. There was always a huge barrier or issue with like every guy Iíve dated. Whether it be age, distance, baby mama drama, midlife crisis. Love avoidant, everything.

Havenít seen anything yet. He Hasnít shown me anything worrisome as of yet.

Iím going to remain open and aware and enjoy having an attentive sweet boyfriend who wants to spend time with me.

Last edited by job; 02/17/20 02:52 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2885978
02/17/20 02:22 PM
02/17/20 02:22 PM
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Posts: 4,560
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Woohoo G thatís awesome and I believe all you ever wanted. Very happy for you and he sounds normal.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2885984
02/17/20 02:44 PM
02/17/20 02:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,446
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Sound good Ginger.

My own opinion, which is not the consensus here by any stretch - is that when two mature people go on to a dating site they go in with a set of expectations about what they're looking for. Similar to when doodler goes to Home Depot - he's not looking for prawns, he's looking for Venetian plaster. He finds it, figures out the self-check-out and moves on with his day. He doesn't walk around the store picking up the box, putting it back down, wandering around looking for the seafood display, dress himself in the shower curtains to see if they match his pumps, he goes in for what he's there for and gets on with things. (Apologies for drawing doodler to your thread laugh )

You are quite the catch. Stable, pretty, independent, with a kind heart and a sense of fun.

He obviously thinks so too so I certainly can expect him to believe "yep - this is the one for me" and then proceed with getting to know each other and making sure.

On the other hand, make sure to protect your own heart and make sure that this train is going where you want it to go and at the speed you are comfortable with. Honesty and communication are the things to keep in mind there.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: All new to me [Re: AndrewP] #2886033
02/17/20 06:57 PM
02/17/20 06:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,849
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DonH Offline
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Well there, see, even Andrew thinks this is all good and is how OLD should work, and at a good pace. What better, ringing endorsement could you need Ginger? smile

I have to agree with KML, although again, it's still too soon to really know much here yet, but you have said multiple times now that you are scared or something is different or, well even though I'm paraphrasing, you can't really seem to put your finger on it, just something is not normal or right or normal for you. This is sort of what some of the guys you've dated have said to you in the past, they like you, you are great, just something is missing or off. Could the shoe be on the other foot as KML suggests?

I still stand firm that it's too soon to tell and nothing wrong with continuing dating. Things are again moving pretty fast - boyfriend/girlfriend within 4 or 5 dates? Talking future plans. Then again, fast has been your past model so nothing new there. He doesn't seem to be your typical type, even though you say you don't have one. I know you say the age doesn't matter and from your end it may not, but any early 50s guy that can date a late 30s decent looking woman is going to be thrilled. I know it's 51 and 39 but that is still 12 years and I know how I felt and what I thought, and was willing to overlook, with a 13 year younger decent looking woman - it was an ego boost. I have a 55 year old friend with a 42 year old GF and he constantly says she's not the one and it's just for now yet he's close to 2 years in. Of course he doesn't tell her this, just us. What's my point - my point is the age could be a factor for him - a positive factor now, but a factor nonetheless.

I just hope you are not so smitten that you are overlooking things - like older kids, like his speed and love fast, love hard (burn out just as fast perhaps) ways. His dorkeyness (that you've mentioned several times and is novel now but it's new). His low level drinking which was a deal-breaker before you met but no longer seems to be. He clearly likes you though I've not really seen what you like so much about him - other than he likes you.

You clearly have one speed - even when it's someone else with their foot on the gas. Only time can tell and as long as you don't get hurt, there's nothing at all wrong with enjoying it.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I know why, and I'm not telling! Enjoy the ride honey.

You know why Ginger feels it's completely different and incredibly scary, but you're not going to tell? And this helps how? Other than to tease the rest of us? LOL


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2886039
02/17/20 07:21 PM
02/17/20 07:21 PM
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DejaVu6 Offline
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I think it all sounds really positive Ginger. RE: the age thing... my R with Jack did not break up because of that. We were just in very different places in our life and his lack of baggage was, in a way, baggage...lol. You and E seem like you are in similar places...both loved and lost, both with kids you love and are committed to, good values, attraction to each other, both not looking to serial date. IDK...seems pretty good to me. I think he just knows quality when he sees it and doesnít want to risk losing it. Nothing wrong with that.

Four to five dates and thinking about someone being your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think by then most people know if they want to go down that road...most donít say it for many different reasons. Kudos to the person who does though. I hate games. I like knowing where I stand. Itís not what you are used to but sounds like you like it too. Enjoy!!! You certainly deserve this. Really, really happy for you!!!! xo


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2886040
02/17/20 07:27 PM
02/17/20 07:27 PM
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Wow don, thanks. Heís just into the novelty of me being a 39 year old decent looking woman?

Low level drinking was not a deal breaker. No drinking was. I happen to like that he isnít some pr*ck and he is pretty charming and adorable.

I like a lot more about him than the fact he likes me. We have great conversations and similar goals and like doing a lot of stuff together . I have no idea what you mean that my foot is on the gas and we are going full speed ahead. We are dating like normal people do. We chose not to date others while dating each other.

We have a completely healthy and appropriate thing going on here.

Last edited by job; 02/17/20 07:37 PM. Reason: edited a word
Re: All new to me [Re: DejaVu6] #2886041
02/17/20 07:28 PM
02/17/20 07:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,374
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I think it all sounds really positive Ginger. RE: the age thing... my R with Jack did not break up because of that. We were just in very different places in our life and his lack of baggage was, in a way, baggage...lol. You and E seem like you are in similar places...both loved and lost, both with kids you love and are committed to, good values, attraction to each other, both not looking to serial date. IDK...seems pretty good to me. I think he just knows quality when he sees it and doesnít want to risk losing it. Nothing wrong with that.

Four to five dates and thinking about someone being your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think by then most people know if they want to go down that road...most donít say it for many different reasons. Kudos to the person who does though. I hate games. I like knowing where I stand. Itís not what you are used to but sounds like you like it too. Enjoy!!! You certainly deserve this. Really, really happy for you!!!! xo



Thank you! We cross posted, but you expressed what o was trying to express better than I did.

Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2886047
02/17/20 08:04 PM
02/17/20 08:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,849
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DonH Offline
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Wow don, thanks. Heís just into the novelty of me being a 39 year old decent looking woman?

Talk about twisting my words. I even had to go back to make sure I didn't say something different than what I thought. You may need to re-read again as well as that's not at all what I said. The age gap is but one of many factors.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have no idea what you mean that my foot is on the gas and we are going full speed ahead.

Again, not what I said.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: All new to me [Re: DonH] #2886060
02/17/20 09:06 PM
02/17/20 09:06 PM
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bttrfly Offline
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Originally Posted by DonH

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I know why, and I'm not telling! Enjoy the ride honey.

You know why Ginger feels it's completely different and incredibly scary, but you're not going to tell? And this helps how? Other than to tease the rest of us? LOL

I'm not on this thread to help the rest of you. I'm here to help G. If anyone else gets something out of it, all well and good, but on her thread she's my primary concern. Probably sounds more blunt than I mean it, but sometimes the 2x4 swinging has the opposite of its intended result.

G, my feeling is that you are getting what you want, and now you have to relax enough to enjoy it and figure out if it really IS what you thought it would be. That will take a little while. Enjoy the ride in the meantime, doll xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: All new to me [Re: Ginger1] #2886077
02/17/20 10:24 PM
02/17/20 10:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,374
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Don, I reread the post a few times. Iím not mistaking anything.

Bttfly, thank you. You also described it well. I am getting what I had hoped for. And I do need to relax enough to enjoy it, make sure itís consistent and that I am not accepting any less than what I want or deserve. Iím enjoying myself. I am having fun making plans with someone who wants to do stuff. Who is excited to see me. We are going to a concert together in March. Fun date! He is wants to take a cooking class with me I was interested in. He likes to just chill with me and binge on Netflix. Itís fun stuff! We have the same idea on enjoyable travel. I donít feel like I have to pretzel to him.

I am eyes wide open, I am constantly evaluating. But I am enjoying. Because if you enter intuitions with a pessimistic attitude, you set yourself up for misery. If you go in with a positive attitude, itís good.

Iím sure he finds it thrilling that Iím a young hot thang. But I donít think thatís the only reason he is interested. Iím sweet, Iím fun, Iím independent and Iím successful. I feel like he sees that in me.

On a side note a crazy OLD story. Remember that guy with the 3 kids I went on that date with back in October and he acted all weird and we never got together again even though he talked a good talk?

Brace yourselves. The census for the whole hospital comes up on my computer. And there he is in the ICU for sever alcohol withdrawal. I obviously couldnít open the chart, but I can see the diagnosis. He is a raging alcoholic. I had no clue because he had 1 drink because he is a type one diabetic. I have a feeling he was an alcoholic before he got diagnosed and he went back to it. Unbelievable. It had me a little shook today.

Anyways, E was going to have me come by before he went to tennis, but his son wasnít going to the gym until later.

Itís really nice he wants to see me when he can. We wonít be able to see each other until this weekend.

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