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A Message from Michele
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Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2917961
04/19/21 03:18 PM
04/19/21 03:18 PM
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pinn Offline
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interesting story LH... thanks for the update

Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2917962
04/19/21 04:39 PM
04/19/21 04:39 PM
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Wow LH. Sounds like you handled that really well. Perhaps you will be hearing from her again, perhaps not. Either way, you will be AOK. I think that is the takeaway from having gone through the things we have gone through with our ex’s. We know we can be and will be just fine. Hope you have a fun weekend!!! (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2917981
04/20/21 08:05 AM
04/20/21 08:05 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 379
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OnlyBent Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
So the beauty of DB, researching relationships, reading books my reply was instantaneous and clear as a bell. " I could tell something was off. I wish you well." No need to talk, no need to state my case no need for anything else. It stung for sure but I am ok with it.


You Miyagi'd yourself. Its amazing how when you put the work in, good things happen. Just out of interest, did you ever do IC?

Originally Posted by LH19
She is an amazing woman who has a decision to make on what's best for her and that's history. (I think the number one reason people go back to their exs) It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. I am just going to appreciate what we had and let her go. Just look at my tag line I have had for 5 years now.


Such a healthy attitude and response, much respect mate.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2917982
04/20/21 12:46 PM
04/20/21 12:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,735
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Dawn70 Offline
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What?!?!?!?! You met a decent woman online? I thought only losers and freaks went online for dating.......oh wait, that is right, there are decent people out there both in the real world and online and online works for some. I met Sparky online and I think we are both pretty awesome catches, if I do say so myself, but I digress....

What I actually wanted to comment on was one little thing you said near the end of your post. You mentioned something and said you think it is the reason people go back to exes. I have never, for the life of me, understood why people do that. I have always and will continue to subscribe to the theory that people do not inherently change who they are, so it seems to me going back to an ex would just, at some point, invite the same old issues. Now, before I get all sorts of hate, I'm not saying people can't change their attitudes and opinions about things. H3ll, I hated tomatoes when I was a kid and I will eat them like they are the greatest thing ever now, but that is just a change in my tastes, not a change in my overall, underlying, inherent core belief system. What's that old saying "a leopard can't change his spots"? Yeah, that. People do NOT change. They change attitudes, opinions, socks and underwear, but deep down, they are always who they are.

Great update, by the way, but you don't really need validation from me to know that. Keep on keepin' on!


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: OnlyBent] #2917985
04/20/21 12:53 PM
04/20/21 12:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,403
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LH19 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Originally Posted by LH19
She is an amazing woman who has a decision to make on what's best for her and that's history. (I think the number one reason people go back to their exs) It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. I am just going to appreciate what we had and let her go. Just look at my tag line I have had for 5 years now.


Such a healthy attitude and response, much respect mate.

I think it is Dr. Seuss who said "Don't be sad that is over be happy that it happened".


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: Dawn70] #2917986
04/20/21 12:58 PM
04/20/21 12:58 PM
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LH19 Offline OP
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LH19  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
What I actually wanted to comment on was one little thing you said near the end of your post. You mentioned something and said you think it is the reason people go back to exes. I have never, for the life of me, understood why people do that.

So Dawn for the most part I agree with you but I think it depends on the circumstance. If the break up is about the person then I agree most people don't majorly change and it shouldn't be considered. But if it was about a circumstance like stress, loss of job, a major move or something along those lines then I think a reconciliation is possible.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2917997
04/20/21 04:08 PM
04/20/21 04:08 PM
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Posts: 2,735
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Dawn70 Offline
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I definitely agree that there could be a certain circumstance that might lead to a reconnection, but in my opinion, in order for that reconnection to happen, the original break would need to be caused, mainly, by some external source. Likeyou said, job loss, major move, etc.........I could see reconciling after something like that, but I don't know if that is really the root cause of many divorces. Maybe it is, I don't know.

The one thing I can say for sure is that I wouldn't care if my XH showed up at my house draped in 100 dollar bills with a new car and a new house and everything I've ever dreamed of and apologized, took responsibility for his part of our marriage failures, said all the right things. I STILL would not go back to him. No how, no way. Of course, of late, the girls have filled me in on some things about him and he, as I always suspect, hasn't really changed. He's still unhappy and blaming it on everyone and everything around him rather than taking a real look at himself. I don't need that!


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: Dawn70] #2917999
04/20/21 04:22 PM
04/20/21 04:22 PM
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Posts: 6,403
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LH19 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
The one thing I can say for sure is that I wouldn't care if my XH showed up at my house draped in 100 dollar bills with a new car and a new house and everything I've ever dreamed of and apologized, took responsibility for his part of our marriage failures, said all the right things. I STILL would not go back to him. No how, no way. Of course, of late, the girls have filled me in on some things about him and he, as I always suspect, hasn't really changed. He's still unhappy and blaming it on everyone and everything around him rather than taking a real look at himself. I don't need that!


Dawn I totally get what you are saying and you are happily married so I am sure you wouldn't second guess it. Right now I wouldn't take my Exw back either. Too much damage done right now. Having said that say 20 years from now and we are both single who knows? We would have all that history together and it would be easier on the kids. My friends parents did that after 35 years apart and they literally hated each other.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2918019
04/20/21 09:42 PM
04/20/21 09:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,886
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DonH Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
Ok people it is time to reopen this thread as there isn't much going on in DB land other then Ginger has left the board for the 15th time lol.

Now that was pretty darn funny! I actually laughed out loud for real when I read it yesterday. Wasn't until today that I was drawn out to comment, however.

Originally Posted by LH19
So in January I met an amazing woman online (That's right Don).

Amazing woman huh? Hmmmmmm, well let's see.

Originally Posted by LH19
I sensed something was off... She usually didn't go more then 3-4 hours without messaging me. So I blew I sent her a GM text on Wednesday and didn't hear back until 2:30 so I definitely knew something was up. So at 7:30 I get a text that she has to step back from us and that she has been contacted by someone form her past and she needs time to figure out some stuff.

Hmmmmm interesting, and thanks for again proving my point about OLD. Sounds as if she had broken up with someone and jumped back in OLD to distract herself. That's of course just an educated guess on my part but clearly something we've all seen many times. So rather than do the work on herself, she found someone to distract her, enter LH19. As soon as the guy she was need to be distracted from returns, it's bye bye, LH19 - on text no less!

Dude, she broke up with you over text! This is an amazing woman? Who are you turning down? But sounds about right for OLD. A text break up SMH.

Now I'll be honest (and a bit last snaky) and repeat yet again, I'm not saying and have never said there are no good people online - there are. They are just the huge minority. Sure this same thing could have happened offline - and often does. It's just dating and it sounds like you had fun with her which is great. It also sounds like you've caught feelings, further supported by the fact that you've not posted about a woman here in many, many months and this shook you up enough to need or at least want to post about it. Again, nothing wrong with any of that. I'd encourage and support it. I also think you handled it well, although I have to wonder if she didn't know you were not going to get serious and that's why she wants - it seems to be what they all want in that age group. So if this guy is promising marriage and happily ever after, she likely has figured out LH is mostly about H-H-H and she wants more. Again, just an educated guess.

So I'd give you an A for the way you handled this. But I'd have to give you a C on thinking an amazing woman would act like this and break up over text. And I'd have to give you a D if you think this proves quality, amazing woman are all over the place OLD. But the first grade is the most important and you aced that one so I'd go with that! You handled that well.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: The Misadventures of LH OLD VIIII [Re: LH19] #2918020
04/20/21 10:10 PM
04/20/21 10:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,621
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CWarrior Offline
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[quote=DonH[I have to wonder if she didn't know you were not going to get serious and that's why she wants - it seems to be what they all want in that age group. So if this guy is promising marriage and happily ever after, she likely has figured out LH is mostly about H-H-H and she wants more. Again, just an educated guess.[/quote]
That crossed my mind, too, that maybe the ex is offering more on the commitment front. It sounds like it was a rewarding relationship, and I'm ridiculously impressed with how LH handled the breakup.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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