CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885578
02/14/20 10:56 AM
02/14/20 10:56 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Ginger1

Iím scared. Usually Iím scared for other reasons. Waiting for a guy to not be able to handle things is usually my fear. For them to get scared when things get real.

And I think Iím scared of things being normal because I have never had that. I have never had a normal relationship.



I've learned that when I feel fear in a situation, it's time to stop a minute and analyze the source of the fear. Is it old fear, from previous trauma? What about the current situation is the trigger? It is then time to focus on the trigger and bring forward whatever is ready to be offered up for healing.

If there's something about the current situation that the's source of the fear, that's a different story entirely. You'll know the difference between the two if you take some quiet time to reflect.

The point of fear is to lead to healing of past trauma or protection so we don't get traumatized in the present. Does this resonate with you?

Fear of the unknown is real. You've never had a normal relationship. Ok, well, everything usually seems great in the beginning. It takes time to really get to know someone, quirks, flaws, etc. What I'm hearing is you're out of your comfort zone and it's uncomfortable. You don't know what to expect and you don't like that feeling..

Guess what G - this is where you break the pattern.It doesn't mean this is your forever guy. His purpose in your life could be just that, to help you break a pattern that's been holding you back. Or, he could very well be the forever guy - too soon to tell. What we do know is that he's the today guy. Live in today. Trust that all the work you've done has brought you to this place and this moment with this person for a reason. Face your fears and live. You can do this! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: DonH] #2885579
02/14/20 11:01 AM
02/14/20 11:01 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Iíll never tell! My sex life is better kept private. Iím not a big fan of having it analyzed, I realize.some things are better kept between your best girlfriends!

So thatís a definite YES - on the 3rd date too. Which, ya know itís really totally up to you. But at least letís be honest with each other and ourselves, you just didnít want to hear what some of us were going to tell you.

So this is something that's made me uncomfortable here for a while - the commenting on others' sexual choices. Again, I feel like I'm going to be called a prude but honestly, it's none of our business when G decides to sleep with anyone, unless she chooses to tell us that herself. I get being protective of G - we all love her and want her happiness. That being said, she's an adult and deserves respect and privacy about this most intimate of matters until and if she chooses to share that information. And frankly, it's not our place to comment unless the comments are solicited. Her lack of communication on this subject is a boundary we all need to respect. JMHO.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: DonH] #2885583
02/14/20 11:26 AM
02/14/20 11:26 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by LH19
So Don based on your response of way too soon my guess is your thinking 8 dates wtf???.

No, no, no. That was written very poorly - I even thought of clarifying/correcting it, probably should have. I was not referring to sex on the 3rd date although that was part of it, but my ďtoo soonĒ was referring to its too soon for me to form a good opinion on this guy or comment intelligently on the status or on if having sex on the 3rd date will negatively impact things. More time and dates need to pass for me to do that. Thatís the too soon I was referring to. I should have finished that thought before moving onto ďa lot of ground being covered quickly.Ē I ran two separate thoughts together. Sorry about that. I blame it on my head injury and TBI of 10 years ago. Lol.

Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by LH19
So Don based on your response of way too soon my guess is your thinking 8 dates wtf???.

No, no, no. That was written very poorly - I even thought of clarifying/correcting it, probably should have. I was not referring to sex on the 3rd date although that was part of it, but my ďtoo soonĒ was referring to its too soon for me to form a good opinion on this guy or comment intelligently on the status or on if having sex on the 3rd date will negatively impact things. More time and dates need to pass for me to do that. Thatís the too soon I was referring to. I should have finished that thought before moving onto ďa lot of ground being covered quickly.Ē I ran two separate thoughts together. Sorry about that. I blame it on my head injury and TBI of 10 years ago. Lol.


Thanks for clarifying Don and I am in agreement that it is too soon for a good opinion, ,


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: DonH] #2885586
02/14/20 11:33 AM
02/14/20 11:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
Originally Posted by DonH
Although, that said, I disagree with you too, as do many others including the books Iíve read. But of course you think sex should happen on the 2nd date. We all believe what we do is correct and best.

Originally Posted by DonH
Although, that said, I disagree with you too, as do many others including the books Iíve read. But of course you think sex should happen on the 2nd date. We all believe what we do is correct and best.

Lol. My words always get twisted. IMO sex should happen when the woman feels safe and comfortable with me. If it's date 1 great. If it's date 2 that's ok too. If it gets to date 5,6,7,8 then she doesn't feel comfortable with me and probably will never or she's super uptight and although there is nothing wrong with that it is not for me.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885604
02/14/20 01:50 PM
02/14/20 01:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,520
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,520
LH - whatís interesting and implicit in your writing is the assumption that YOU will have sex on the first date anytime itís offered. Maybe you ought to watch Fatal Attraction???

Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885609
02/14/20 02:05 PM
02/14/20 02:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,340
K,

I donít really look at sex as being offered. I look at it as an end result of two people who have a connection and are attracted to one another. Iíve had my share of one night stands and thankfully to date no one has boiled a bunny in my kitchen. Knock on wood lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885613
02/14/20 02:19 PM
02/14/20 02:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,792
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,792
Well, well, well! Good morning !

Yes, I believe that putting my sex life and choices out there does no good because I know how to decide what is right for me because I am an adult. I donít have a ďruleĒ I roll as LH does. If it feels right, I will do it. Because I WANT to. When I make the decision itís because it felt eight to me.

Having so many opinions on my sexual choices clouds my mind.

I only know about this guy what is right in front of me right now. Thatís it. So far so good. We are dating and getting to know each other and Iím enjoying it.

As far as the drinking ? He drinks. Heís just a super light weight. I am not. He had wine with me the other night. I do drink more and when I want to party, I want to party. And I do so with my girlfriends and if he doesnít like that, too bad. But he has not put his 2 cents in yet.

Time will tell a lot of stuff. We see each other again on Sunday night. Heís very sweet to me and excited to see me and we enjoy each other.

The pace is good for me so far.

Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885616
02/14/20 02:40 PM
02/14/20 02:40 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,482
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,482
Way to go G!!! It sounds like you are in a good place with a good guy!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885622
02/14/20 02:56 PM
02/14/20 02:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
Member
bttrfly  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,407
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Well, well, well! Good morning !

Yes, I believe that putting my sex life and choices out there does no good because I know how to decide what is right for me because I am an adult. I donít have a ďruleĒ I roll as LH does. If it feels right, I will do it. Because I WANT to. When I make the decision itís because it felt eight to me.

Having so many opinions on my sexual choices clouds my mind.


yes.. your life, your decisions.. no one else's concern..

Originally Posted by Ginger1

I only know about this guy what is right in front of me right now. Thatís it. So far so good. We are dating and getting to know each other and Iím enjoying it.

As far as the drinking ? He drinks. Heís just a super light weight. I am not. He had wine with me the other night. I do drink more and when I want to party, I want to party. And I do so with my girlfriends and if he doesnít like that, too bad. But he has not put his 2 cents in yet.

Time will tell a lot of stuff. We see each other again on Sunday night. Heís very sweet to me and excited to see me and we enjoy each other.

The pace is good for me so far.

I like that this is working for you gf. xoxoxo keep it up and happy Valentine's Day!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Trials and tribulations of dating 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2885746
02/15/20 12:58 AM
02/15/20 12:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,792
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,792
Sigh. I really hate Valentineís Day. I am pretty down.

And Iíve eaten like a pig today for the first time in a long time. Bacon, French fries, Chinese food, and cake. I ate my feelings.

Tomorrow is a new day. Exercise and eat healthy. And I will not go to the 75 percent Valentineís Day candy sales

Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004