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A Message from Michele
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Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: HesAble] #2895472
05/20/20 07:31 PM
05/20/20 07:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,976
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Posts: 5,976
H,

Those are valid concerns and you can ask him to move out.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: LH19] #2895480
05/20/20 10:26 PM
05/20/20 10:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
Originally Posted by LH19
H,

Those are valid concerns and you can ask him to move out.


This. I'd add one word: sternly.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: HesAble] #2895483
05/20/20 11:15 PM
05/20/20 11:15 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 220
H
HesAble Offline OP
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HesAble  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 220
I have asked him to leave several times and he has not done so. He claims he will not be able to contribute to any joint bills if he moves out and uses that as his excuse.


H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9
BD - 11/2019
Married 14 years; Together 20 years
Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: HesAble] #2895486
05/20/20 11:42 PM
05/20/20 11:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,047
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CWarrior Online
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CWarrior  Online
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,047
Originally Posted by "HesAble"
I feel that him going out only he and God knows where interacting with people is putting our kids in jeopardy of contracting coronavirus. Maybe I am alone with these concerns.

It's valid to be concerned about an extra exposure, but to put things in perspective, your risk profile is about the same as if he divorced you and remarried her, which is legal and common in the US. It's frustrating to raise your concerns and have them fall on deaf ears, but consider limiting risks that are under your control--e.g., visits to shops, good handwashing, and protective gear. Maybe he'd be more willing to comply with those methods of limiting exposure since they don't require him to discard someone important to him.

Of course, if you can get him to leave, that's even better. wink


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: CWarrior] #2895619
05/22/20 05:24 AM
05/22/20 05:24 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 220
H
HesAble Offline OP
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HesAble  Offline OP
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H
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by "HesAble"
I feel that him going out only he and God knows where interacting with people is putting our kids in jeopardy of contracting coronavirus. Maybe I am alone with these concerns.

It's valid to be concerned about an extra exposure, but to put things in perspective, your risk profile is about the same as if he divorced you and remarried her, which is legal and common in the US. It's frustrating to raise your concerns and have them fall on deaf ears, but consider limiting risks that are under your control--e.g., visits to shops, good handwashing, and protective gear. Maybe he'd be more willing to comply with those methods of limiting exposure since they don't require him to discard someone important to him.

Of course, if you can get him to leave, that's even better. wink


Yeah, clearly this woman means everything to him, so much so that he is willing to jeopardize all including his children's health, to be with her several nights a week. I give up. I am actually out of DB mode at this point. He utterly disgusts me and, if this is the person he has become, reconciliation is no longer a goal. He has done too much damage to the relationship.


H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9
BD - 11/2019
Married 14 years; Together 20 years
Re: COVID-19 stay at home orders [Re: HesAble] #2895621
05/22/20 06:13 AM
05/22/20 06:13 AM
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
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Spiral Offline
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Spiral  Offline
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Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
Well, even if you don't want to R, I'd recommend staying in DB mode for you. Personally, I live alone with my children and have for two months. DBing has been great for my mental health.

But, if you can get him to leave, that does sound ideal.

Keep the Faith,
Spiral

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