Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I
Irish M Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
Hi Everyone

Gerda, nice hearing from you,
Quote
This dialogue is an amazing portrait of how people who don't have ears to hear can't hear


yes, its amazing what people what to hear. I'm sure they are aware ; they just don't have the tools to deal with it.
Sorry that your son pays the price of ignorance.

Quote
I think it helped me in other parts of my life though, as realizing it made me realize that I have always been tortured by the need to be understood, to explain myself, to be the good one.

totally agree with this. It took me a long time to finally let it go. NOt easy and sometimes I slip but I do come back from it faster now that in the beginning.

Hi Bttrfly xxhugsxx
Unbelievable about your XH. married. I presume your son had no clue either. My XW I think she is remarried not sure. Someone said the heard she got married on a row boat in the river lol. Not sure it counts.

I agree, so happy we didn't hold our breaths for them to come back to reality. Sad some stay stuck.

Dejavue, If your XMIL is in the picture you are lucky. If mine had shown some support for the girls at least I would have kept them involved. My XSIL is my oldest god mother to boot. Nada from her. Their loss because my girls are amazing.


HI Job,

Blood is thicker than water. way thicker. But my D's are Xmil blood too , I guess they don't see that.

I think as my girls get older; they will one day reach out to her. Maybe when they become mothers themselves. Who knows. Completely agree on the only talk to them if its rational one.


Hi Andrew,

Yes my XW never was the one to start a conversation to deal with something, Every argument we had it was silence from her. The next day she'd wake up like nothing ever happened. It was draining on me because I am a fixer. My girls thank god love to talk about everything. If something is bothering them we discuss and solve.

HI DnJ
I was surprised they played along with it. Especially XSil. she in the beginning told me she was happy the girls were with me. Seeing first hand the type of men XW was with. I guess time changed that thinking .
Yes, Hurt people do hurt others. Sad when one side knows what the other side should do. In her case i know if she'd start slow, open up to the girls, listen to them and accept the attacks. They could build from that.

Hi Nickwing
Sorry you are in this MLC circus.

I read your comments and yes, I should be cold and cut it off if I hear what I don't want to hear.

I was worried because it was out normal that XMIL or XSIL would try to reach me. I wasn't going to hang up.
I don't hate these people. They chose their own paths. Me hanging up is anger and I don't have any. Anymore at least. I am disappointed in them all. Curious to why they do what they do.

I'll will defend myself to the end. So, if they challenge me I won't just hang up.

More than 5 years into this . I have moved on.

If MIL would call me or write. I'd answer each and every time. I have nothing to hide, I did no wrong. If they ask me something I don’t want to do like force or trick the girls , I'll just say no with the reasons why.

Why should i hang up and ignore.

I trully hope XW figures it out. I want her to be in their lives if it is a healthy relationship.

you say she’s crazy and i agree she does have a mental illness. I could just say nothing to her remarks and hang up. My remarks probably are unheard.

Or I can stay the course. Stay consistent in my replies.

Trust me , I'm not going on a 3 day back and forth text and email battle with these touches. I state my point. I repeat what I have been saying all along and i go on with my day.

Nickwing, we will all do this it our own way. Sure, this site gives us input and suggestions. No 2 stories are the same even though we share a lot of similarities.

All I know is I sleep well, my girls are well and healthy. They are in college and are communacative on all levels.
I will always answer a call in a calm and rational manner. If the MLC circus decides one day to join into rational conversation then it's good. If XW, XMIL and XSIL want to avoid, blame and hate, it's their choice. I will respond with the same responses i've given for 5 years. Then walk away from that conversation with a smile.

have a great week, stay safe everyone


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
son knew it was going to happen, just didn't know when. it was postponed from earlier in the year due to Corona, as were so many others.

yours remarried in a rowboat? good grief.

have to admit mon ami I am struggling with this a bit. some days are really hard, others I don't give it a thought.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I
Irish M Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I haven’t been on for a while. Hope you all are doing good.

Covid hit my family hard

I know this site isn’t about Covid but my MLC’r ex-wife has proven to me that there is no hope for her because of it.

My parents in their 80’s end of march came down with Covid. First my mom thought it was her seasonal allergies. As days progressed my dad fell ill as well. Myself and my brother do from time to time drop in on them. Bringing them food etc.
Always distancing and wearing a mask.

My parents are autonomous. Very healthy, well as healthy as an 80+ year old can be. This virus hit them hard. It was the UK variant . A very high level of infection

I brought my mom to get tested and was feeling off as well with a weird feeling in my throat that day. well I got tested too.

Both results positive for Covid.

Rush my parents to the hospital with myself as well. Asked my brother to go get tested.

My parents were put into the ICU. I was kept in emergency for 24hrs and sent home to self-isolate and rest. My parents were doing fine for the first 3 days then it all went south. Both had to be put in comas and on ventilators. 4 days after they were gone. Passed away 3 minutes from each other.

My brother who tested positive as well. Was home until he got very ill and since I had Covid as well I brought him to the hospital. He was in the ICU for 3 days. Oxygen support and multiple drugs to help him fight it.

The stress of being home , sick, isolated, losing my parents in one sweep and the thought of maybe losing my brother made me sicker. I was in and out of Covid clinics dealing with heart rates over 160 while laying down, fevers, pains, low oxygen and extreme fatigue. My family here at home did great. Avoided me and dropped food and water at my door. Luckily I have an joining bathroom so Isolation was 100% . they were all tested and all negative.

21 days of h*ll for me. How I managed to get up to get food, no apetite, lost 10 pounds and handle it all is beyond me.

The turnaround for me was when my brother was released from the hospital. 7 days he was there. Now recovering nicely.

It’s been 5 weeks now. I am doing much better. Slowly getting back to work. Coping with the loss of my parents who for sure had several good years left of enjoying life stolen from them.

My girls were so lucky having them in their lives. The trips we did with them each year and seeing them every 2 weekends before Covid hit was so amazing.

I’m comforted that my parents are together and one didn’t survive without the other. They celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary the day before they died in the ICU. Always together in life and now in death.

Now for my Ex-Wife. I heard she was aware of all this . Also my D18 who has reached out to her updated her on the passing of my parents.

D18 got no comment, no sorrow , no condolences from her MLC mother.
I got nothing either.

It just shows me that she is nowhere close to the person I once knew. She is now to me nothing. A faded memory.

My D’s have also expressed their hatred in the coldness of their birthmother . That is all they see her as now.


Sorry for the long and sad post. As you see even Covid and the loss of people that supporter her for 20 years means nothing to a lost soul to MLC.

Take care everyone. Stay safe and hopefully get vaccinated.



Last edited by job; 05/05/21 06:38 PM. Reason: edited a word

M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your parents. It broke my heart to read your posting. I hope that you and your family (brother) are doing better now. Covid has taken a toll on a lot of families in the last year and half. It just makes us more aware of how we must live each day to the fullest and your parents were there for each other to the end. Just know that they are together and looking down on all of you and are there to listen whenever you need to talk.

Irish, your xw's empathy chip is broken and I do not think that she'll ever realize just how precious life is and how quickly we can lose our loved ones.

Again, I am so very sorry on your loss. We are all here for you and your family.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
Dang Irish... I am so sorry to hear. What a heartbreaking story. You have been through so much. Sending positive energy your way.

Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 549
Likes: 4
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 549
Likes: 4
I am so sorry for this great sudden loss, Irish. It’s so strange reading it all summarized in a post—there is so much loss packed into such a small space that it’s breathtaking, wrenching to read, but there is also love and survival and hope for you and your brother and your family in your words too. Wishing you strength and comfort and space to grieve too.


T: 16 M:10
BD 6/2019
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
So sorry to hear of your tragic loss Irish. There are no words really. Very glad your brother made it out of the ICU and no one else in the family was infected. Hard to believe there are still people out there who think CV19 is a hoax and/or overblown and think mask-wearing is somehow denying them their rights when there are so many people with similar stories to yours. My sincerest condolences. (((HUGS)))

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
I'm so sorry Irish. This is awful. How terrible to lose both parents.
To everyone else on here - GET VACCINATED. Don't hesitate, don't wait any longer - DO IT. You do not want this.

Irish - please take care and pace yourself. Returning to doing too much too fast is a mistake with Covid. In Long Covid patients, alcohol and sugar trigger relapses, antihistamines (both regular claritin or Zyrtec and H2 blockers like Pepcid) seem to help for some reason.

Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
(((((((Irish))))))))

I was struck reading your post that you most certainly can know a person by how s/he faces loss, devastation, death of loved ones, death of the loved ones of someone s/he used to love. Your XW handled it in a way that made who she is very clear to you. But your light shone through this post too -- the way you faced this terrible journey and loss with love and courage and hope and sorrow -- even your sorrow and despair is a light to us reading this story. Your parents lived love all the way to the end, and you are the son anyone would want there at the end of life, even if it came in this way that seems so unfair. What do we really have in this life but to love each other as hard as we can while we can, to enjoy every moment, and to stand by each other when we are sad or sick -- or dying. Your story shows this at each stage, how to live with this kind of love and grace. You always inspire me as to what a man and a father can be, and now also I see that you are equally wonderful as a son and a brother.

Love to you and your family, so glad your daughters had that model of love in their grandparents, and from their dad before, now and always. They have suffered so much loss, your girls, but I am sure that all the love they have had from you and their grandparents has given them a real foundation, they will be the wisest girls in the world, hard-earned for sure.

Last edited by Gerda; 05/06/21 04:48 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,277
Likes: 8
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,277
Likes: 8
OMG, I am so sorry for your loss Irish.

Page 7 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard