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kml Offline
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Often sad to see them waking up. Must be painful to wake up and see the wreckage they caused.

I’m actually grateful my ex doesn’t seem like he’ll ever reach that point. Last thing I’d want from him now is for him to show up with regrets. I just want him to become a better father, but his narcissism is unlikely to change.

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I have no words on eew. She made her bed and I pity her.

I like your positive attitude and think the move will be good for all. Try to get as much rest as you can given your current workload. Good luck - I know the right home will appear at just the right time. xoxo happy birthday a tad early!!

Last edited by bttrfly; 05/15/20 11:22 AM.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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HI everyone

hope you are all fine. Time flies when you are busy and the last few months it's been nuts.
Sold my house and moved to the other side of the city. So from southshore to west island.

Girls are so happy, nature and horses is the theme here. A huge change from the town we were in last.

We have an addition to the household. My girlfriend and her son. They are living with us and so far its good. Some minor adjustments but eveyone is happy.

XW did message me not long ago. Congratulating me on the new house. I'm still trying to see who shared the info with her but does it really matter. She also moved again. Still with the town drunk. Says my new house is a mansion and she is stuck living in a run down dump. They have no money as he doesn't work . Their house needs insulation before winter or they will freeze to death.

boo hoo hoo .. She still needs to make me pity her. Sorry but I can't. I used to feel sorry for her but that died a while back

She says shes stuck in a low paying job. I told her she is capable of so much more. That her potential is there just she is settling. Then it started.

Irish, NO ONE needs to tell me what I am capable of or not. I know what i can do and I actually enjoy it here.

sorry, that is not what I meant.

And my boyfriend is a hard worker. We are just fine the way it is. I don't need anything else.

ok. anyway we all make choices we need to accept. Take care.

about 20 mins past then i get this.

Irish, we should of did things different. Like therapy. we didn't try hard enough. The time we went and you said no more. we should of found another one.

XW, even if we found the best one. You were set on leaving. I was sitting there and you wanted the therapist to convince me it was over. I told him privately that it takes 2 to work at a marriage and you were there to get out.

Still, we should of tried another one. take care Irish

that was 2 weeks ago. i didn't reply and she didn't write back.

now need to plan a backyard cabana before winter.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Wow that’s painful to hear. Sounds like on some level in her addled mind she’s realizing how badly she blew it and how much she’s lost (although she also might just be trying to milk you for some money, who knows?) . I am actually grateful that my ex has never looked back, because I would never want him back and it would just be awkward.

I often think of your ex and DNJ’s in a slightly different category - drugs and/or some serious mental illness, beyond ordinary MLC. My ex had his concussions but also I see clearly now, he had narcissistic issues from the start.

I’m glad you’re doing well with your girls and the girlfriend and son. Life does go on after our exes fire us from the job of caring for them. You’ve done a fantastic job under difficult circumstances. Congrats on the new house.

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Good Morning Irish

Congratulations on the new house. Nature and horses sounds great. Your girls must be in seventh heaven.

Glad to hear GF and son have moved in. Congratulations on that as well.

XW sounds like she did, and has, for the past years. So very little progress for her.

These crisis people do tend to keep tabs on their old lives and their discarded partner. Not too surprising she knew where you moved. And yes, she still needs to play the victim; and apparently still blame you. SMH. Her choices, her consequences.

A backyard cabana sounds great. How many acres is your yard?

It’s so nice to hear from you. Have a wonderful day Irish.

D


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Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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It almost like whatever you would say to her...she would not agree, and come back with some form of a fight

still in a teen mindset-

She seems somewhat regretful, but she still does not take any responsibility for the D or the outcome
and has to defend her life as a good and right one

I think internally they do realize they blew it- she gave up everything really for nothing
Probably never admit it


I would guess many will have to remain clouded by drugs, alcohol, relationships or whatever their addiction is
for some time or the remainder of their lives
very sad indeed

Glad you are doing great and this seems like a typical MLC story

The LBS builds a great new life...The Mlcer continues to gets worse.... until/unless they seek serious help


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job Offline
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Irish,

I am so happy that you returned and provided an update. Congratulations on selling your home and moving into a new one. New memories to be made and they will be happy ones. Glad everyone has settled in and the adjustment period is going along nicely.

As for your xw, she has realized for quite some time that she messed up and appears to be a bit jealous of what you have accomplished since she left. I think she was look for pity and maybe an offer of funding to help w/the place that they are living in. She is still out there in space. It's okay for her to admit she's not doing as well as she should be, but she sure doesn't want you to say anything to her about it.

I agree, it wouldn't have mattered which IC you went to, she was going to leave.

Continue moving forward and live your life to the fullest.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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First, and focusing on the important things:
Congrats on the new home
Congrats on things moving forward in your present relationship in a positive way for all concerned.

Everything else is BS

Re: eew... nothing has changed there. Nice to know some things in life are dependable, like the sun rising in the east, death, taxes, and her being stuck and blaming you.

Now, on to the rest of your life mon ami !!!

xoxo

P.S. Hope mom and dad are well!


Last edited by bttrfly; 09/09/20 06:24 PM.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Irish,

Kudos to you on the success of rebuilding a beautiful life for you and your girls. You all deserve much peace and happiness.

You were such a tank through it all.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hi Everyone

Originally Posted by kml

I often think of your ex and DNJ’s in a slightly different category - drugs and/or some serious mental illness, beyond ordinary MLC. My ex had his concussions but also I see clearly now, he had narcissistic issues from the start.


I agree they are extreme. I see it as a higher level of MLC. Not sure if I could of handled it if she was more involved with the kids. Not seeing her destroy her life is a godsend for the girls.


Originally Posted by DnJ

XW sounds like she did, and has, for the past years. So very little progress for her.D


I think she has progressed . More and more regret in her messages. Seems to be every few weeks and not only a yearly event.

Originally Posted by job

I think she was look for pity and maybe an offer of funding to help w/the place that they are living in. She is still out there in space. It's okay for her to admit she's not doing as well as she should be, but she sure doesn't want you to say anything to her about it.


you are dead on. Was a cry for pity. She is still the victim, as you will read in my update below. Scary times for her.

Originally Posted by bttrfly


Now, on to the rest of your life mon ami !!!
xoxo
P.S. Hope mom and dad are well!


my mom and dad are doing good, they made it through the first phase of covid, we are starting the 2nd wave and they are playing it safe. My mom has a heart condition and 79 so we have her in a bubble. Was sad not seeing them for thanksgiving. My turkey was not as good as hers.[/quote]

Originally Posted by HaWho

You were such a tank through it all.


Tank with fatigued armour and wear and tear. But still rollling.

so to update my situation. Thanks giving weekend just past. Mostly all households are in isolation as the covid virus is taken off. Was it the opening of schools with no masks or just a result of a summer that was full of backyard parties.

XW did reach out. At some point in the conversation I felt like she needed to just empty some old held in feelings.
the text messages started with her wishing me a good thanksgiving. I replied thanks .

I presume she was expecting more than just a thanks but that was all that i could give.

Irish, i really mean it. You deserve a great thanksgiving with the girls.


Hi XW, thanks i really mean that too. have great weekend and happy thanksgiving.

Irish, i miss the girls. Working from home now because of covid I at least don't have to pretend. I put on the happy face at work. I don't sleep and some days don't eat.
I never thought I'd be in this position. You probably don't care so i won't take up your time.


XW, I can only imagine what is going on with you. I do understand the happy face mask. we all use it sometimes

a few hours past and I tought that was it. Just before supper i get the long one.

Irish, I use it all the time. But I am tired of hiding. No one knows how i feel. I have lost all trust in people and I won't show them how I really am feeling. I am a pro at hiding it but it is just so painful. I need to keep myself busy to keep my mind from spinning. I hid it from you in the end because i was tired of asking to talk. I felt i couldnt share my feelings with you. And i never felt like i was part of the family. The girls are Irish. I felt like you all were against me.
My friends I lost took your side and weren't listening to what I was saying. They twisted it to please you.
Besides you never accepted me . I wish we got better help to talk maybe then you would know me better and accept me. I had so much pain and it was going to push me to end my life if I stuck around. I had to leave . I needed to feel. I felt nothing with you 3. I know now that i can't expect anyone to love me. I need to love myself, that is all that matters. I'll stop now. I feel such negative energy here now. I need to ground myself. Have a happy thanksgiving Irish.


I don't know what to reply on that. I can say that I am sorry for your pain. Believe me when i say this , you meant a lot to us 3. We were a strong 4. It's true we didn't talk much in the last year because you avoided it all. I would raise a concern and you would down play it. You'd say goodnight and the next day wake up like nothing is wrong. Well it hit us hard. We would argue and I'd push to talk and get the wall you put up. There was nothing I could do to help you. I do hope you are talking to someone. Someone that can guide you better than I did. If you need to ask me anyting that can help you, let me know. take care .

Not sure how she can say we didnt talk and it was I who avoided. I'd sit at the foot of the bed asking to talk and I'd get the no reply, need to be up early reply. I look back and she avoided discussions all our life together. Wasn't one to face anything.

With that the weekend ended and no more communication. She is clearly in a dark place. Depression is a horrible thing. The wearing of their masks is a reminder to us all. We might think and see our MLCr happy but deep down they can't look at themselves in the mirror, they can't face what they have done and they are very unhappy.

Not what I expected from a thanksgiving weekend. The girls are not aware of this exchange. Not sure I will share it. They are adults now, 18 and 20. I figure they will have their own discussions with their mom. Hopefully XW doesn't do something stupid. She clearly needs better help. Something I can't do. All I can do is listen.


stay safe everyone.

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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