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Good Morning Irish

Wow, what an interesting turn. XW certainly is showing a much longer time and resolve of being out of the tunnel this time. Waking up is a slow and confusing process, just as when they tumbled down after their triggering event. That time is 18-24 months (more or less), I suspect this waking would be a similar timeframe.

I do like the mother/parent statement you made. That will sting her a bit, and she needed to hear it. I also believe she needs some support, and you are a beacon in her awakening mind. Perhaps a little validation of yes we had good times. You were a very good mother. I think you could be again. Nothing leading for you two, just support of her; a hurt person.

Waiting 24 hours before responding is a good strategy. Your messages to her do sound thoughtful and you are remaining neutral, even though I suspect it is rather emotional. Remember just feelings which do flit away. Stay calm and neutral, for you.

Originally Posted by Irish
not where I want to be. I am still moving on.


Irish, do you forgive her?

Forgiveness is absolutely for you.

It’s freeing.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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I think it would be weird if you were totally neutral. Your heart is made of flesh and you love your girls with that flesh heart. I mean, are you trying to be a saint or a robot or a just a man who lived through a trial? Either way, I think that's a lot of pressure on you to say you aren't where you want to be.

I think it's amazing that you are even replying. I wouldn't reply at all. That's where I am now. Not because I don't forgive my H but because it is the only way I can set him free and the only way I can take care of myself too. Mine is still pillaging via divorce court so I am very very tired.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Irish,

She will contact you again, but she needs to mull over what you posted. I know you aren't where you want to be in the scheme of things w/your xw, but she's opening the door for more communication w/you. I find it interesting that she actually wants to speak to you on the phone. I wonder how she would react if you said, no, we will meet and discuss the situation in person. I know you probably won't want to do that, but it just might jar her a bit and make her step back a bit.

Your girls are old enough to determine whether they want to communicate w/their mother or not. I would step back and allow your xw figure out how to mend the fences w/her daughters. It's not your job to fix what she broke. You've had to do all of the hard, necessary work to heal yourself and work on helping your daughters heal.

Now, it's time your xw figure out how to heal herself and reconnect w/her daughters.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted by Irish M


definition of mother is - female who gives birth to offspring. Easy enough if you are blessed to have children.
What you were supposed to be was a parent. You lost that quality. Anyone can be a mother. Not everyone can be a parent. A parent puts their kids first.



ouch. truth dart but ouch.

Originally Posted by Irish M

So she is waking up in some sort of way. more communication that ever before. We will see where it goes. The gilrs havent mentioned any emails or text from her to them so i figure xw is still hoping I will make a bridge between them.
I am not ready to. I havent seen enpough of real remorse to want to help her.

I also won't reply the same day anymore. I feel my emotional side shines through in my messages to her and I need to be more neutral.


not where I want to be. I am still moving on.




{{{{{{{Irish}}}}}}}

She's trying to co-parent with you. It's really triangulation at this point, but in her MLC mind, it's co-parenting.Yeah, I know. She's still very much in her MLC, but she's waking up, little by slow.

The relationship between the girls and their mother is theirs to figure out. You know this. You are good at being there for the girls and good at stepping back to let them find their own way.

You absolutely need to put some time between responses. I know you don't want to add more hurt to someone who is already in a good deal of pain. You're a kind and compassionate person, Irish. I'm glad you're stepping back before responding. These triggers she's setting off in you are for your healing, my friend. Think about it. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Just saying hi to Everyone. Hope you are all in good health and washing your hands a lot more. Life as it was is different. Many restrictions and closures.

We had an open house and lost a few that were interested. They all are holding off because of the virus.
They want to wait to see how their jobs and economy hold up.

For myself . I'm not too worried. Things will come back to the norm. I did however lock my parents up since last week and i'm making sure they don't leave their house.

As for XW. I did get a message about her being ok. Hi Irish just to let you know I'm fine. It was weird because I did wonder about her situation a day or so before that. I didn't reply because sadly she couldn't add the expected.. "how are the girls?"

The girls are under quarantine as some classmates returned from a trip to Italy on Friday. So now the girls live in a seperate part of the house. They have their own bathroom and seperate living area. The only room we share is the kitchen. I prepare the food and leave it on the table. We don't eat at the table at all. Myself i eat in my office. They don't cook or do dishes. So a win for them. lol . yes i wear gloves.

Well it was in the local news so it should have got to XW. Guess no concern to her.

wishing you all a great St Patricks day tomorrow. I know i'll avoid the pubs. Well they are all closed. So I will raise a pint to you all.

Slainte
Irish

May good luck be with you Wherever you go, and your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow.
May your days be many and your troubles be few,
May all God's blessings descend upon you,
May peace be within you,
May your heart be strong,
May you find what you're seeking wherever you roam


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Good Morning Irish

Happy St.Patrick’s Day!

Glad to read how levelheaded you still are. Even with locking your parent in their house. smile Lol. I’m sure you are bring them supplies if they need them.

Too bad about the waning interest in the house. I agree that people will be a bit skittish about the economy and their income streams to make any current large purchases. Things will return to normal in time.

Sounds like the daughter’s quarantine isn’t too big a hardship for them. Haha. No cooking, no dishes. It’s a couple of weeks and you guys are riding it out in style. Well done!

The XW’s text is her typical view. She let you know she is alright and no query of you or the girls. It’s her normal right now. I do hope she moves towards more empathy, of course she is still on her time.

Do avoid the pubs, lol, and have a great day.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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good to hear from you Irish. Glad you are taking all precautions and glad the girls are currently well - let us hope that continues.

Happy St. P's to you as well!
xo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!

You are doing all the proper things to get through the next few weeks. Your daughters will be just fine and are probably enjoying not having to do the dishes, etc.

I also think you did the right thing by "locking your parents up". It's better to have them safely in their own home and having others bring them supplies if they need them.

Please stay safe and healthy!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Yeah, about locking the parents up - look for the cute PSA video Max and Mel Brooks made.

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Hi Everyone. Hope you are all safe and practicing social distancing. I fear in Canada and the USA, we will hit a very large amount of cases and a high death rate. Too many people moving around still and not keeping a distance. Canada is a week behind the US. People are still not taking this as serious as it is. My business is hazmat and infection control. This is a bad one.

My girls are respecting the rules of no going out and no visitors. My girlfriend and her son will not come back to my house until they stay in for 14 days. If all goes as planned she and her son can come over saturday to stay . If she needs to go back to work then she goes back home. I know it's not easy but it's a must.

On a MLC side. My XW is writing me daily since the 23rd of March. tells me she's worried for the girls then in the same sentence says she trusts me to protect them and they are in good hands. She even wrote to them , telling them she loves them and she is missing them. She wished she was home with us all.

The girls told me that last one. With us all. Now i know in times of fear some people reflect on their life and choices the have made. I feel this is all that is.

My D19 whos studying psychology said her mother is for sure hurting . She see's that family is the most important thing and she doesn't have it anymore. Poor her she said. They chose not to answer.

me however. I did answer her concerns. I reassured her that they are safe and staying in. That if she needs to talk I am here to listen.

that is all I can do. If this is the push to get her to do more attempts to connect to the girls than so be it. A blessing out of a scary time.

Today is the first day she didn't write. I won't reach out first. No point . This is her time not mine.

stay safe everyone. Protect your famillies. things will settle down in a 6-8 weeks and we will celebrate with the world.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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