Thanks All!!! Had a nice dinner at home with my sister, my BIL and the couple who will be going to Croatia with us. My kids and XH’s mom joined us for ice cream cake afterwards. My twin and I always celebrate together if we can.
Lots of Facebook birthday wishes with Brook being noticeably absent from that group. No idea why he has ghosted me the way he has when just a week ago I sent him a “no hard feelings” text and he texted me back that he definitely wasn’t trying to ghost me. And that I am not the bad judge of character I was starting to worry I was. I get that he is going through something and is likely wanting to push pause on whatever was happening between him and I but he could still do that without the radio silence. A “happy birthday” on Facebook isn’t a marriage proposal [insert eye roll emoji]. Whatever...more important things to worry about.
Had a nice chat on Messenger today with my friend who is a manager in the school district. She coached me a bit on my upcoming interview which was helpful as she has been an interviewer in one of these panels before. She has a lot of confidence in my abilities. I wish I had her quick brain. It takes me awhile to think of things. Anyway...took a break from studying today for my birthday. Back at it tomorrow. Monday is a holiday and XH has the kids so I will be able to spend most of that day studying as well.
SD20 texted me today. She wants to come for a visit next week on the days I have the kids. It will be nice to see her.
Thanks again for the Bday wishes everyone. (((HUGS)))
Belated as this wish is. Maybe it balances out the premature good luck on the interview.
Dinner, and ice cream cake; friends, family, and conversation; sounded like a really nice time. Nice to see XH’s Mom joining in and still involved.
The upcoming interview - relax.
I know I’m a bit different; I like those interviews. My last one was three hours long.
DV, you made the cut. You are getting an interview. If you didn’t have what it takes you wouldn’t be interviewed. Tips from me:
Behavioural and competence interviews are looking for demonstrably examples, actual times and events that show your behaviour and competence of the specific one they are questioning about. I suspect you know the top five of each; the ones that are required for this job. You are just illustrating you have knowledge and skills in that area.
Look back over your career and personal life. Yes, personal life situation can be utilized as examples, like chairman of the local Homes for Humanity project. Business related are usually best, but not always. Depending on how far up the food chain this job is, outside volunteering and ambassador type relationships are good to highlight.
Anyhow, ruminate your past few years of work and find specific examples of when you performed well. There are lots and lots to pick from when you start looking. Remember the interviewers aren’t looking for singular perfect shinning examples, they are looking for competent and consistent behaviour over time. With that in mind pick examples that are spread out.
Prepare these examples, relive them a bit, look up notes or documentation from them (if applicable) - for example a disciplinary issue you had to deal with. Get familiar and be ready to talk about yourself and your abilities. The focus is not the event, the focus is you. How you handled something. Why you did something. The growth you’ve had and demonstrated. Your strengths and weaknesses. And what personal growth you are currently working on making. We are all growing, lest we stagnate.
I believe you stated this was a supervisor position, six people maybe. Mentoring, coaching, scheduling, conflicts, and such I suspect would be on the docket for discussion.
As I said I’m a bit different. You’ve made the cut. Relax and talk about yourself for a few hours. It’s a lot of fun to see just how much more you actually know and are.
You are not an imposter. You will do fine.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Ginger - Yes...Croatia!! Three weeks in September and one of those weeks sailing around the islands on the Adriatic in a 45-foot Catamaran with just the five of us and a skipper. We’ll be the crew. I cannot wait. The yacht is brand new and beautiful!!! Surprisingly it is cheaper than if we had all purchased tickets on a local cruise ship. All we have to do is make our own meals and feed the skipper. We’ll be sailing from Dubrovnik to Split and stopping at various islands to check out the sights. Only my BIL and I know about the cruise. It is our gift to my sister and the other couple for their 25th wedding anniversaries. A “bit”more than I usually spend on gifts but you only live once and it is the chance of a lifetime. So looking forward to it!!! Re: Brook. He is clearly going through something right now. If he wants to get in touch with me at a later date and explain himself, I will be open to hearing him out. But for now I am letting him go. Same with Jack. He’s really struggling and going between wanting to be friends and then being hurt and then being angry and then loving me... such is the nature of the break up, I suppose. Certainly I can relate.
Sigh...is it too much to ask to meet one normal guy who doesn’t have “issues”??? Someone like Brook minus the drama with the ex and the friends? I think what bothers me most is just how much we had in common and how easy it was to talk to him...both via text and in person. He really would have been a great fit if only he had been another six months past his divorce. But like he said many times... everything at the perfect time, if it is meant to be, it will be. So...moving on... maybe we will run into each other a year down the road...I guess fate will decide. Not gonna take his silence personally... I know I did nothing wrong and this is all about him. It would be nice to have a new friend but I think his silence indicates he wasn’t thinking of me in that way even though we did talk about it.
DnJ - Thanks for the advice. It was very helpful. I’ve been feeling increasingly confident over time as I’ve been reviewing everything. I also have heard that the list of interviewees is quite short so I just have to do better than the other people and I have a pretty good track record when it comes to interviews. I think in my lifetime, I’ve only not gotten the job twice and both of those times were because I wasn’t sufficiently prepared and didn’t know what the interview would look like which will not be the case with this one.
So last night I watched a video about dating and texting, etc... what it means when a guy stops texting you and what to do about it, etc... The guy on the video said that if you texted someone once and they haven’t gotten back to you, he may not be into you. But if you are the type who likes “closure” and you really want to know, he said you should send one last text that says “Saw something that reminded me of you today...” and that’s it. If he doesn’t text you back, it is OVER and to never text that guy again. As you may have guessed, I am a closure kind of person but I thought the text was a bit too flirty for where I think Brook is at currently so today I decided to send a modified one that said “Just heard that song you told me about and it reminded me of you. Hope all is okay.”
And then, shortly after sending it, he texted me back... “All is okay. How are you?” Since I had just texted him, I couldn’t think of a reason to wait too long to return his text so I texted him about 15 minutes later and we had a nice conversation. I ended the conversation after about ten texts though and said I had to go but that it was nice to hear from him and I was glad he was doing okay and hoped the rest of his shift went well (he was at work). He texted me back to have a great day and that he would talk to me later.
So...we’ll see. My sister reminded me that he doesn’t know what I’m thinking or that it bothers me that I haven’t heard from him for a week. She thinks he has been really honest in saying that he needs to take some time to figure himself out and that he will get in touch with me when he feels like he has done that. She thinks he probably doesn’t want to start anything too soon with me and kind of wants to put things on hold which is hard to do if you are talking to each other every night the way we were before. She says I should just forget about it for awhile, be friendly when he does contact me but let him take the lead and not try to force anything by suggesting we get together. I know she is right and I do still think he is a good guy so I’m gonna take her advice and stop trying to control the outcome (definite 180 for me...lol).
I vote with your sis. I think he responded to your text because it was friend-focused. You were checking on him and he appreciated that. Perhaps later he can consider you something other than a friend. The check-in was kind (despite ulterior motive - ha!) but I think now you should let it lie.
If he thinks about texting you in the future he will look at his phone. And see the last conversation you had was one where you checked on him, but respected his wishes to back off. The ball is firmly in his court, with the door wide open.
Thanks Yail. Definitely letting things lie. This morning I am focused on mentally preparing for my interview. I think I am ready. Had a few texts this morning from well wishers saying I will rock it. Trying to look at it as an opportunity to show them how awesome I am...lol. Had a few colleagues tell me yesterday that they hope I don’t get it...lol. I took that as a compliment. I know that I am one of the more outgoing and experienced people on staff so they will miss me for sure if I go. I am confident we would stay in touch though. The hardest part for me IF I go is leaving my clients. It’s different when you work with kids. Many of these kids come from abusive and/or neglectful backgrounds and have experienced numerous losses in their lives. Even though I know relationships between clients and counsellors are supposed to end, it is way better when it is the client who is the one that leaves. I still remember kids I haven’t seen for 20 years...despite maintaining a healthy detachment from my clients, they all really do take a tiny piece of my heart with them when they go. So...that part, if it happens, is going to hurt. Anyway...here goes nothing!!!
I agree with your sister and Yail…...in the immortal words of Anna and Elsa, "let it goooooooooooooooooooooo". You say you are letting it go and that is good, but you have to convince yourself. He is a friend, nothing more, despite some of his insinuations that it could be more, but at the end of the day, you never really got the chance to see if it could get off the ground romantically. He may circle back around and some point and if you are available and willing then, by all means, go for it. Right now, he is clearly not ready and you are being somewhat unfair to yourself to keep trying to get his attention. You deserve more. Like many of us told G, you deserve a man who is ready to meet you where you are and not one who is still broken and reeling from his own past hurt. You don't want to have to help him heal, you want a man to come to you who is already healed. You are worth it!
Now go knock 'em dead at that interview!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Awww...you are a wise woman. Thank you for that. You are 100% right...as is Yail...as is Ginger. I will follow your great advice and really let it go. It IS hard though. He is exactly the kind of guy I am looking for. Timing is definitely off though so back to the drawing board. Fifteen year-old me will have to be content with her memories of her first love. Not gonna let him ruin that...lol.
My thoughts about the interview are mixed. The verbal was uncomfortable. There is no conversation. They gave me a sheet of questions and then 10 minutes to collect my thoughts. The questions were worth a lot of points and vague to say the least. Very open to interpretation. And you get no verbal or visual feedback. They simply write down everything you say until you have nothing left to say and move on to the next question. It is NOT a fun process and by the end of it, most people are convinced they crashed and burned. And I had a headache the entire time...so there’s that. Then after the verbal, you are given a couple more questions that you get to respond to in writing. And another hour goes by. So...I have no idea how I did. The written was pretty easy so not worried about it but the verbal...ugh...painful.
Nothing I can do about it now though. My SD20 is here for a visit so just going to enjoy spending some time with her. She wants me to teach her how to play pool...lol.
Everyone was was so right, what they were trying to tell me. And no! Right now, who he is, is not exactly the kind of guy you are looking for! He did a pretty good job of convincing you of that for the first 2 weeks..... but people do over time reveal their true colors. It’s the ideal in our head of what we think they could and we build this fantasy, but it’s not who they are or are in a position to be right now.
I do understand it’s hard. As you can see how I hold on so he’s hoping they are going to be the person I thought they were. But some just carry around too heavy of an emotional bag load that we can’t carry for them,
