Thanks DnJ for the title of my new thread. I really like it.
Last night was kinda tough. Got into a texting conversation with Jack. It seems he isn’t taking the break up as well as I hoped. He misses me. He doesn’t think I realize how much I mean to him and that he’s sorry he didn’t make me feel that and that he doesn’t think I understand how far he would go for me...not sure what that means. I basically reiterated the reasons I made the decision I did. That love is not enough. That we are too different and at different stages in our lives and that I have learned the hard way that those things matter. That the things you overlook at the start of a relationship are things that start to matter more and more as time goes on. Sigh...while I think he does, on some level, get where I am coming from, it is not the same for him and I think when I told him I had to go to bed, he wasn’t feeling any better. In fact, he may have been feeling worse and also a little bit mad. I am sad about it. I wished it had been more mutual than it was. I just know that I am right and that long term I would have been unhappy. I need more from a partner than what he was able to give and I’m not going to settle. Anyway, I told him that I hoped in time we could be friends but I’m not holding my breath on that. I don’t think he could manage that right now.
Coincidentally, while I was texting with Jack, Brook sent me a text. I hadn’t heard from him since Sunday night and I had sent him a Bitmoji “hi” on Monday evening that he didn’t reply to so I didn’t expect to hear from him. I had kinda decided that he may have scared himself with all of his “universal plan” talk and was backing off from texting me so much to lower expectations for when we finally see each other again. And, like DnJ said, he has lots going on in general so the amount of texting we were doing wasn’t sustainable and I get that so I’m just letting him be the one to set the pace. Anyway...his text apologized for not messaging me sooner and that his uncle had had another stroke and possibly a heart attack and passed away. So he was at his folks trying to comfort his mom. He was also grieving the loss of Kobe and his daughter a little bit and he has been talking a lot with his eldest daughter as it has highlighted for him how short life is and how important his kids are to him. He told me about a song his daughter had sent to him about him being her first love and that she thanked him for being a good role model and the best dad she could have asked for. Yep...he is one of the good ones.
I assured him I hadn’t taken anything personally and that I knew he would be in touch when he had time. He said it definitely wasn’t personal and he really enjoys our conversation. Sigh...now he is 30 minutes away from me. He thinks the universe has a plan for us...maybe it’s to make sure we never actually get to physically see each other again...lol. I really want that to happen soon as I am definitely falling for who he is as a person. It is upping the anxiety on whether or not that attraction will translate IRL. Certainly I know that I was very attracted to him when we were kids. And I remember that even though I had a serious boyfriend in my junior and senior year, my heart still skipped a beat whenever I saw him and I was always interested in what was going on with him. Who knows... maybe that was a kind of foreshadowing...lol. Time will tell...
Oh...my sister and BIL returned from vacation yesterday. So great to see her!!! A month was a long time for her to be away. I cannot even fathom her being away for six months. That is just too long. I think it will be for her too which is why she is always on me about going with her. Won’t be possible for a long time I”m afraid. My kids will keep me in Canada. Ah well... I will cross that bridge when I get there.
Sad news regarding Brook’s uncle. And yes, Brook indeed sounds like one of the good ones.
As for Jack. I understand and agree with your reasons for ending things with him. Those differences are too great for you. Lessons learned. It’s ok. Wisdom comes best from these type of experiences.
Unfortunately I do think you are going to have to block communication with Jack for a while, most likely a long while. That is ok also. Don’t linger on feeling bad about that. Your reasons are right. Trust and believe them; and lose the fear. (((DV)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Still feeling really bad about my break up with Jack. I just so hate hurting him and being excited about reconnecting with Brook makes me feel even worse. I knew in my heart of hearts that we were not a good match but I went there anyway. And the more I got to know him, the more I had this nagging feeling that it needed to end. There were so many things... his awkwardness with my kids and my friends, his lack of concern about his appearance (T-shirts’ and jeans with holes in them and not the kind you pay for), his disregard for my feelings when it came to responding to my texts, his lack of interest in my inner world, etc... Every time I called him my boyfriend, the word just felt awkward. He wasn’t a partner in the way that I need. He didn’t communicate, he wasn’t verbally affectionate (just physically), and he made my friends and family uncomfortable with his lack of social graces (simple things like saying “hi” and smiling when he walked into a room with people in it). He had full access to my life...I had almost no access to his. At the end of the day, I think he was far more interested in how I made him feel than in how he made me feel. But despite the mismatch, he did help me take that last step in healing from the breakup of my marriage and I will be forever grateful to him for that. So hurting him really sux.
Talking with Brook just really underscores how much I was missing with Jack. Every time he texts me, the first thing he wants to know is how my day was. When I reply to him, he takes no more than two minutes to respond and if he stops texting, he tells me why. He is interested in what I think and how I feel. He is positive and encouraging and straight forward. He is thoughtful and he is happy. He loves his family and is there for them. He also loves his job. He has a strong social conscience and gives back. He volunteers his time. He is a big fan of This is Us!!! That’s big with me...lol.
Sadly... he is working all weekend cause he missed some shifts earlier this week due to his uncle’s death. So no date this weekend either. On Saturday it will be three weeks since we last saw each other. Feels like six.
Great to have my sister back. Spent some time this evening playing pool. Uhhhh...we need to practice if we want to do well in Vegas...lol. I will focus on that while I wait for the universe to clear a spot for me on Brook’s calendar. Really hope that will be soon. (((HUGS))) to all.
So I woke up this morning with the thought that.. hey...the highway goes both ways and maybe Brook doesn’t have the time to meet with me in my town but he may have time to meet with me in his. So...I sent him a text suggesting that he take a look at his schedule and talk with his girls and see if there is a window of time when we could meet for coffee or a drink or go for a walk or whatever in his town (hopefully nowhere near Jack) and to let me know. Even if it doesn’t work out, I feel good that I put it out there. I am pretty sure he was thinking our “date” needed to start with him driving here so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to let him know I have no problem being the one who does the driving. So... we’ll see... fingers crossed.
Just a thought, but you may serve jack well by cutting him off for awhile.. it sounds like he is struggling with detaching from you and you consoling him may be dragging it out.. I know it’s done with best intentions, but it may be hurting him more in the long run
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Oh my. We really are 2 peas in a pod. I’m the one who says “I’ll do all the driving, no problem!”
But don’t you wa t a guy who is willing to drive to you? Who wants to put that effort on and not only want to meet because it is convenient. And hour drive shouldn’t feel like much when the acuteness of his sitch settles down. Hopping in the car should be a reflex when he is able.
I dated a guy who lived 2 and a half hours away. Guess who did all the driving? Me. For 6 months. I have every excuse as to why I should. He owns a business, blah blah blah.
But my life was important too. And when I have him the ultimatum, either put in your effort, or we are over.... well, we were over.
You are a single Mom with middle school school twins and a demanding job. Why is it fine for you to pop out there and not for him?
I know you want to see him in person soooooo bad. But please let him come to you.
And as for jack, I agree with cnut. He needs to be cut off. He is not dealing well and is holding onto hope. I think he needs the cold turkey. He’s been kind of rude and immature too. Just let him go. It’s time.
LOL... I only suggested it because he is working 12 hour shifts and would need an extra two hours to be able to drive here. Our original plan was for him to drive here but a snow storm got in the way. But don’t worry.... I won’t be doing that a whole lot.
RE: Jack. Yeah. I know you are right. I realized last time we talked that I am prolonging the sadness for him. Sux. I thought we were on the same page.
Sigh...you guys were right. Didn’t hear from Brook yesterday despite him signing off Thursday night with “talk to you tomorrow”. So I’m done with trying to figure out a time for us to meet. I hate having to be strategic about things but I guess I just have to be... even with someone who talks about a universal plan and feeling a strong connection to me. The mixed messages are confusing but I guess LH is right about him running hot and cold. Just going to leave the ball in the coach’s court. Happy weekend all!!! (((HUGS)))
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