Sorry to hear Ben! Any other updates? You sure did sound like you have been in a good place nonetheless. HUGE thank you for helping me find this place!!!
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
I've tried to post as little as possible. I never had any conversation about us with XW after all. I just noticed hints that she wasn't ready to commit to anything so I pulled back. But I got tired of the process. Even the slightest sign of interest from me and I could tell she would get weird again. So I stopped. I stopped seeing her, I went NC, not as a strategy, but to keep me sane.
Besides all this, I've been feeling down for a while now. I did a blood test to find out I have low testosterone levels. 12 nmol/L to be exact if anyone is interested in these things. In USA I would probably get TRT easily but here they consider this normal for my age. Few things make me happy these days but when they do, I'm only happy for a short period of time.
Richard Pryor said in an interview once, "Laughter is a great healer of pain, but the laugh is over and then there's the pain again". That is how I feel. When I'm with my friends and family I must seem so strong to them for having been through all this, but when they leave and I'm alone again...there's the pain again.
Today would have been my second wedding anniversary. So I was married 1 year and 364 days. I received the email from court about the divorce being final and forwarded it to XW. She replied and said she received it as well with a sad emoji.
5 minutes later she sent a link to some restaurant and asked if I had been there. I was in and out of meetings yesterday so didn't answer until much later. She wrote again "Has work picked up again?" I answered and said no, I'm having meetings for a new project"
That's it so far.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
I stopped going because I wasn't happy with any of the therapists. I have spent close to 15.000 USD in therapy since this started and seen 5 different therapists but none of them have been any good. The first one was ok for us as couples therapy as it reduced the tension right after BD, but after that nothing. There are so many out there and it's difficult to find someone good.
I will, however, book an appointment with a private doctor in a few months to see if I can get them to agree to TRT. I mean, I haven't missed a single days work out since 2018. I have a strict diet and I sleep well at nights. Those are all the things required to naturally increase your testosterone levels but my levels are that of someone who chain smokes every day, eats sugar daily and doesn't work out. Makes no sense.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
The reason I asked is because you seem to be suffering from PTSD. I know you think T treatments will cure you, but likely it won't. You've been through an emotionally traumatic experience and it is important that you deal with that properly.
$15k, when it comes to emotional and psychological health is immaterial in my opinion. I agree there are a lot of bad therapists out there. But would you stop buying and driving cars just because you had 5 bad cars? Keep looking, because when you find a good therapist it can make all the difference in the world!
If you have trouble getting a doctor to get you into low T therapy, look into a substance called shilajit. It is an organic compound from the Himalayan mountains. I started adding an 1/8th of a teaspoon of some extracted powder (the raw stuff can have metals so be careful) and feel that for my age my T levels are now really good and I see some big benefits from it (increase stamina, good gains from workouts, etc). Just a thought.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thank you for your reply, Steve. I really appreciate it
I started reading about PTSD and that seems about right. Most of the symptoms are there. The difficulty focusing, the terrible dreams, avoiding anything that can remind me of the event. I sometimes have to walk past the location of the wedding ceremony and that's probably the scariest one. It's gotten better but that's still the a tough one. I used to stop, look at the building from a distance and just envision how that day would be. That entire area is beautiful, by the harbor and the building is on top of a hill so it's so strange to not be able to look at it.
You're right and there's this new app where you can speak to a therapist on a video call so I'll try that and see.
And thank you so much for the advice on shilajit. I haven't heard of that before so I'll definitely look into it!
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Thank you for asking! Will you not share your story as well? Noticed you don't have a thread.
I try not to update much unless I have something absolutely necessary to say. But a lot has happened so I'll try to summarize -
Tried to find a therapist and did a lot of research and contacted one that seemed suitable for me. Twice she has had to cancel because of a sick child so I'm still waiting for my appointment.
One major update is that there was this incident where I had to rush to the hospital emergency room about two weeks ago. I really don't want to write about it here because it's a bit personal and I'm fine now, but it was scary at the time and for a moment, I thought I might not make it.
On the way over I messaged XW but didn't tell her the whole story so not to worry her, but I realized she is still listed as my emergency contact(that's fixed now). She was at her close friends birthday party and tried calling me, I couldn't answer. She messaged and asked what hospital and insisted on coming over while I insisted she should stay. I downplayed the seriousness of the situation and told her everything is fine, that I just wanted to give her a heads up in case they call her but she wasn't having it. I then lied and told her I will be released soon so there's no point. After that, I couldn't be on my phone for a while so the next time I looked at it, she was on her way to my place.
I was able to leave the hospital later that evening, came home and XW was waiting there. She bombarded me with questions and seemed very concerned and I don't blame her of course. She stayed at my place until late and then took a taxi back to her place.
A few days after that I had a follow up meeting with a doctor who wanted to make sure I was alright and fortunately I was, XW new what time the appointment was and messaged me right after and asked how I was and I explained everything is fine. We haven't spoken after that, a bit more than a week.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
I should add that I am doing well otherwise, back at the gym and seeing good progress. I had a goal for my 40th birthday and looks like I am on track.
In two weeks I am going to Athens for a live show I am promoting. Greece has so many outdoor theaters so it's great to be able to do live events again.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Wow, sorry to hear about the medical scare but glad you are doing well! It's nice that your XW does at least care, I have no doubt it was genuine. My XW is the same, doesn't mean she wants to get back with me but she does care and asks questions about my health sometimes (if I'm sick or something), offers to help and shows interest.
Have a good time in Greece! I've never been, it's on my bucket list!
