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Part 1 - https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2866861&page=1

Recap for those who dontwant to read from the beginning.

- Joined forum in May 2019, been through hell(see summary from thread 1)

- W moved out Sept 28 at my request

- She reached out a lot in the beginning until I told her I want to move on with my life.

- Saw her walking down the street and into a caf with some guy early on Sunday morning November 17.

- Since then weve had some communication, mostly initiated by her and almost always a temp check from her.

- W has now moved out of the apartment I got for her into her own but its a short term contract which expires end of 2020.

- April 13 I have to send in a request in writing that I wish to move forward with the divorce and if I do, we are officially divorced.

- Ivebeen dating a bit although no one has really caughtmy interest until now...


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
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Hey Ben! Have you had a chance to meet the new lady yet?


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
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BenB Offline OP
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Hi AS,

I deliberately avoided writing here because the date didnt happen the day it was supposed to. Now I was very suspicious but how could she be a catfish. I have her on Instagram and can see her posts and stories. So I told her flat out - "I hope you really exist". She wrote back that she really wants to meet on Saturday.

So yesterday we finally met. LH is right, there was no way of saying if this can be something in the future based on one date. Theres something about her that interests me but I cant say what. Something in her eyes.

But she doesnt behave like the average girl either. After the date I sent her a message om Instagram with my phone number(so far we have only been messaging on insta) and said it was fun seeing her. She only liked my message and shortly after wrote what she had for dinner. She didnt give me her phone number. I just assumed she wasnt interested and didnt answer her message. So this morning sent me a picture of a cute pug and asked how my evening was after she left. Weve messaged a bit back and forth so not sure what to make of it. I think Id have to go on a few more dates before I know if there could be something between us.

But I also feel this is too early. A perfect time line would have been if I was single for about a year before I met someone. But cant really plan those things of course


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
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BenB Offline OP
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
Journal -

Ive been doing really well lately. I started a new work out program last month that is a bit intense but Im seeing great results already. The girl I went on a date with Ive been messaging back and forth with and were going on a second date on Tuesday. Too early to say but I dont think this will turn into a relationship and thats not a bad thing.

On Sunday my brother and I are flying to New York to eat what has been voted as the best burger in the world. We fly back the next day(sorry climate).

Last night my wifes sisters boyfriend wrote to me and said him and SIL are coming to London April 3-5 to hang out and see one of my shows. I had told them about this upcoming show months ago and was surprised they even remembered. The four of us used to be best friends, traveled together and always had a great time so I am happy to see them again. But Im wondering what W is going to think when she hears this.

This morning I get an email from W asking how me and the pug are. Then she asks if there is any way I can sort tickets for a sold out concert for a co worker who wants to take his girlfriend for her birthday. "They would pay of course". She sent this about 10 hours ago and I havent answered yet. Im surprised she would write this after Ive clearly explained I dont want her contacting me unless its important.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
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Hey Ben, after reading your earlier post it sounded like the new girl might ghost you, so it was a surprise to see this latest one about another date! Good luck, hopefully it goes well.

Enjoy your trip to New York! That's quite the jetsetter lifestyle to fly in just for a burger, even if it's a really good one grin

Quote
The four of us used to be best friends, traveled together and always had a great time so I am happy to see them again. But Im wondering what W is going to think when she hears this.


I imagine she'll be jealous but I doubt she will say anything to you about it.

Quote
This morning I get an email from W asking how me and the pug are. Then she asks if there is any way I can sort tickets for a sold out concert for a co worker who wants to take his girlfriend for her birthday. "They would pay of course". She sent this about 10 hours ago and I havent answered yet. Im surprised she would write this after Ive clearly explained I dont want her contacting me unless its important.


Wow, asking for ticket favors again. I would just ignore it, or just briefly reply back that you and the dog are fine and sorry but you cannot assist her with tickets anymore. This just really irks me that given everything that has transpired she continues to try to use you like this.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
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BenB Offline OP
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Thanks AS,

I think shes just trying this ticket thing as an excuse to contact me. I wrote back almost that. Just said pug and I are doing fine but that I dont know whos promoting that concert.

Im glad I wasnt the one who brought up them coming to London, since its their decision she cant get angry at me.

Tomorrow is one year since BD for me. Cant believe its been that long.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
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BenB Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
Journal -

Ive made some small mistakes I think. The first one was when I responded to her request for tickets for her friend. I should have answered what AS wrote, not that I dont know the promoter. That sort of leaves the door open for her to contact me again. I should have understood that. And she sure did.

A day later, another famous burger place in my hometown reposted my instastory where I hailed them as the best burger Ive ever had. W is blocked from my instagram but she follows them and could see their repost. So she sent me a screen shot of that and just wrote "haha :)" She tried to small talk but I kept it short and polite. So far so good.

But so I went to New York with my brother to try the famous Emmy burger(it was just ok). W messaged me when we were at a bar and recommended another burger place near us. I should not have responded and I hate to blame alcohol but I responded that I was in NY about to have the famous Emmy burger. She immediately started writing more -

W: Cool, hopefully not just for the burger? haha.

Me: Yep, just for the burger.

W: Hahaha laugh

30 minutes later she writes again

W: You have to send me a picture of the burger when youre there!

I should know better than responding to that temp check. Seriously, there are hundreds, if not thousands of pictures of that burger online. But I sent her the video my brother filmed of me taking a first bite of that burger.

W: How was it??

Me: still not better than the one near us

W: What! Thats crazy!

I came to my senses there and didnt write more after that. Yesterday W emailed me again, this time responding to the email where I told her I cant sort the tickets and said she understands and will let her friends know. She then asked if I can wire her some more of her money so I did but didnt write anything else. Its sad that she asks for money because it shows how irresponsible she still is. End of this year shell have no more financial support from me I can easily see how shell be in trouble then.

Im disappointed with myself because I fear all of the above sends her mixed signals. Ive previously told her not to contact me unless its important but now I'll seem to have softened up a bit. The paranoid side of me wonders if she knows about her sisters upcoming London trip and wants to join in on that. I dont think so but you never know.

On a different note, I went on my second date with that girl last night and it went really well. More about that in my next post...


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
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BenB Offline OP
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Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
Valentines day...one year ago today I bought flowers and a small teddy bear holding a heart. W come home and asked why there are lit candles. I said it's Valentine's day and she started laughing, saying we don't celebrate that. I pointed out that there are valentine's day cards on our fridge from the past 4 years. All from her but that just made her angry. I also said we've done something every year, a dinner, a trip but she wasn't having it.

At this point I still hadn't found this forum and was lost. I had no idea how much worse it was about to get. When I did find this forum, many would remind me that it gets worse before it gets better. And it did get better smile


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,582
Likes: 63
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Wowthats a pretty nasty Valentines Day! The holiday puts pressure on couplesfor better and worse.

Two years ago, I got my first I Love You after a turbulent weekend and almost breaking up. One year ago, I hosted an Italian-themed dinner party for single friends. It was super-fun. We were happy then. 3 months later she was gone!




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BenB Offline OP
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Journal -

I havent updated in a while but its about time I do.

Im meeting W for the first time in over 4 months on Wednesday. Here is the background -

Weve had little to no communication in the last few weeks. Last week, however, she emailed me and asked if she can buy one of my CBD oils. She said she was at a cinema but could come by a few hours later. And if I dont want to meet her, I could leave it in the mailbox and leave that unlocked. That wouldnt make any sense of course because my neighbours would come knocking if I had done that but I was shocked that she would ask me for a favor like that. So I never responded.

Yesterday she wrote "Ok, I took the hint, could you please wire me a few hundred?"

I answered "sure , just did. Hope all is well".

She responded that the reason she wanted the CBD oil is because she found a lump under her breast and she is going to the hospital on Wednesday to find out if its cancer. I sent her a message on messenger immediately -

Me: Im so sorry to hear that. When will you know more? You should have told me why when you asked for the CBD.

W: Thanks. Havent told anyone because it makes it real. But hopefully its nothing.

Me: Most often its nothing. Have you spoken to your sister?

W: The lump feels so different and Ive got a bad feeling about this. So I dont want to worry anyone.

Me: Let me know if there is anything I can do.

She thanked me and told me I have to be careful as well with the new corona virus spreading. We wrote about that a bit. I thought about it for a while before I wrote:

Me: Do you want me to come with you on Wednesday?

W: If you want to? The appointment is at 1.30pm.

Me: of course, see you there.

I know this isnt DB but she has a history of breast cancer in her family and no one close to her lives here. If this is cancer, I dont want her to be alone when finding out. I hope that makes sense.

As for myself, I have been doing fine. I dont see myself as detached yet but Im working on it every day. Seeing her on Wednesday might not help that but I think I have to put DB aside for the moment.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
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