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Originally Posted by Dab35
y mum believes XW may not have been ready for M, and that pressure from her family made her rush into it (I mentioned before that it was a BIG deal for her to get M done before she turned 30.

That sounds plausible. The rest of us have said many times your ex-W's determination to leave and burn bridges seemed radically sudden, out-of-proportion to your one "crime", and very final. It seemed like an excuse. In many of our cases serious problems slowly festered, eroding trust and goodwill. Their impulse to leave or affair felt sudden and shocking, but we could see that festering in retrospect.

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DaB35 Offline OP
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Thanks CW.

Ironically, it was XW who last year said to me "Yeah, I don't think you were fully committed to M. Why else would you do what you did?"

Yes it was sudden.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Had an eventful last few days. Lots of GAL.

Took part in a workshop on Saturday and met a few new people. I'd not normally go to things like this alone, but I thought I should now start doing this kind of stuff. Weirdly it was about 5 mins from XW and my first ever house that we rented back in 2012.
Then Sunday was busy - morning and afternoon in London then home.

Cleared a lot from storage at the weekend too. Even sold our old wardrobe for about twice as much as I thought I'd sell it for, so that's some extra savings there!

Been looking at new cars, so that's been a nice thing to do in addition to gym and studying etc., taking my mind of other things. Couple more test drives lined up for this week - keeping my options open.

Totally free weekend coming up, so need to spend this week trying to fill all that, but also promising that I'd book an afternoon of or morning of 'absolute nothing', which I always previously denied myself!


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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DS9 Offline
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Hey Dan

Good update mate. What car you thinking? I'm picturing you in a Megane Rs or Focus ST, but I imagine given your accountancy background you'll be looking a Subaru Forester or Kia Sportage haha. Have you driven a V8? I know they're not popular int he UK, but here, they're everywhere. Test drive a V8 if you haven't. You'll be hooked.

Cheers, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Jul 2019
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DS9 Offline
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PS - test drive the Hyundai I30N! It's a ripper.


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Hi DS.

Sometimes I think it'd be nice to just go to loads of dealerships and just test drive loads of cars. A huge range - Audi, Land Rover, Hyundai, Kia, Mazda, Ford. Just to have something to do! Then make very non-committal noises to the dealer and say 'I'll think about it'.

I've always liked the Subaru Legacy Outback - can't afford one though.

I have done a track day at Silverstone racetrack (my old job got it for me as a leaving present). Drove a V12 Aston Martin Vantage 3 laps - got up to 176mph down the final straight, and in the wet too as it was raining when I went out! Was exhilarating - loved it.

For everyday cars I need it to tick the "practical" and "boot space" boxes. I also like lots of creature comforts - cruise control, electric everything, parking sensors, extra safety features etc. I was looking at a type of hybrid (used to have one a couple of years ago, and loved it) as I'm not driving that much now. Unfortunately, the monthly payments were too high, or my deposit had to be very big, and I didn't want to eat into my house sale proceeds too much as I'm saving that for my own place in the near future. Also, after doing some sums, getting a small petrol engine with a particular type of auto gearbox fitted would give me virtually the same economy as a hybrid, and cheaper, because I'm not paying for the extra technology. Still efficient and less damaging to the environment than a big 3.0 diesel though.

One day I'd like to own a Tesla - perhaps when I win the lottery haha!

I went for a Toyota Avensis estate. Amazingly comfortable ride, light to steer, responsive, quiet, and a huge boot for my instruments (can get way more than just castanets in it lol). Almost top spec - has every option fitted (including panoramic roof), just doesn't have heated seats and full leather - I can live with that!

I worked the dealer hard (was there for over 2 hours) and haggled a lot off the monthly payments and got them to chuck extra freebies in to sweeten the deal. I read up on how to haggle and put the tips to good use. I'm now saving £400 a year straightaway, and I get a much bigger car for the pleasure of it!! My sister has now asked me to come with her to the garage when she needs to change car!

Picking it up later this week. Excited!

Last edited by DaB35; 03/10/20 10:22 AM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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DS9 Offline
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Oh dear lord, Dan - it's worse than I gave you credit for. An Avenis?! Isnt that like a underpowered Corolla? Lol

Anyway, each to their own haha.

Wish I had your forebearance and sensibility when it comes to cars. I base it solely on looks and kilowatts!

I'm excited for you mate. Getting a new car is always a happy time. Enjoy.

Cheers, DS


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Joined: Jul 2019
Posts: 473
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DS9 Offline
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What shade of beige did you go for by the way? Lol


Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
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D,

nice update. I'm sure it will be nice to have the vehicle. I can't imagine living without one, but I live in a rural neighborhood. Do you live in town?

It sounds like things are going OK for you now, that's good!


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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DaB35 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DS9
What shade of beige did you go for by the way? Lol


Haha very funny DS! wink
As I say, I go for comforts and practicality with a car - I have to. I'd love a sporty thing like a Supra or some kind of Subaru, or even a vintage classic Jaguar or Jensen if I had the cash. However, I need a big boot which is convenient for lugging gear around. I can't fit a drum kit in a Supra...if I bring more stuff in my car, it means I get paid more by the organisers laugh

It's a nice gun metal grey by the way - beige is not a colour! wink

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

nice update. I'm sure it will be nice to have the vehicle. I can't imagine living without one, but I live in a rural neighborhood. Do you live in town?

It sounds like things are going OK for you now, that's good!


Thanks O. My parents' house is out of town but not much - just a few miles or so. When the weather picks up I can walk into work.

Gym is going well; upping weights on most things now. Sleeping well - getting between 6 and 7.5hrs a night. Feeling a lot better in general - healthy, much less stressed, certainly not depressed, much better self-image. Socialising more with work colleagues - we're talking about planning nights out etc.

Picnic - check
Lighthouse - check
GAL - definitely check


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
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