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A Message from Michele
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Hitting My Stride III #2880585
01/14/20 05:16 PM
01/14/20 05:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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TBSakaJ9  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880589
01/14/20 05:32 PM
01/14/20 05:32 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,432
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,432
Maybe I am biased because of the situation I lived through, but your post seems to support my theory. It normally seems to be the person who was walked out on is the one who is the more responsible one. We didn't itemize all the stuff we spent on the girls either because if we had, she would be in serious debt to us to this day, but there were some clear things lined out in their divorce that never happened and he never wanted to rock the boat because he was afraid she would take the girls away from him if he did, so he just let her get by with milking him when she could. It's seriously disgusting when women use men like that (or vice versa, as the case may be).


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880606
01/14/20 06:08 PM
01/14/20 06:08 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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TBSakaJ9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
I think I do it more out of compassion that anything else. It has nothing to do with me wanting her back and doing it with a secret agenda.

I am not worried about her taking them away from me either, she knows better than that. I just try to show some compassion, grace, and think big picture.

I just know that I have to interact with her on some level for the next 10 years of my life.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880614
01/14/20 06:28 PM
01/14/20 06:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
J,

I trust you know that it feels right to you.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880617
01/14/20 06:57 PM
01/14/20 06:57 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
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TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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TBSakaJ9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
I have a great life and am blessed in so many ways. I don't want to purposely make her struggle as some sort of punishment for what she did. I just don't think that is the right thing to do.

I have no desire to take her back it is merely about trying to be a good human being as while there are things I probably wont understand I don't have much anger any more. I also am beyond the point of analyzing whether or not this is a good DBing strategy. I could give a $hit less what she thinks.

I have been very open and honest with the DR on my views about it. I have also encouraged her to be more compassionate towards her XH as he is going through some health issues.

I also just spent $140 bucks on 2 dozen roses for our Anniversary. When can I graduate to grocery store flowers?????


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880620
01/14/20 07:13 PM
01/14/20 07:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
Much anger anymore. Please explain.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880623
01/14/20 07:18 PM
01/14/20 07:18 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,432
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,432
I would imagine I'm going to be in the minority opinion on the female side here, but in response to when can I graduate to grocery store flowers? A LONG time ago, man. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE getting flowers. And, it is nice to receive a big bouquet all prettied up from the florist delivered to my office. But, a $4 bouquet from the local Walmart is just as pretty and then my man can walk in and hand it to me and give me a hug and kiss to go with it. We have a local grocery store here that is a part of a regional chain and they have THE best flowers and you can even buy arrangements in vases. I got most of my wedding flowers there and they are way cheaper than an actual florist.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880624
01/14/20 07:19 PM
01/14/20 07:19 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
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TBSakaJ9  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
I think anger for what they did sometimes fuels the actions that we take. Once the anger subsides, and you move on with your life it doesn't really matter as much any more.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880628
01/14/20 07:24 PM
01/14/20 07:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline OP
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,553
HAHA.....well D maybe I will try that for Valentines Day!!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Hitting My Stride III [Re: TBSakaJ9] #2880630
01/14/20 07:40 PM
01/14/20 07:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,972
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Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,972
I only ever got store bought flowers from M. And I’m sure if we would have made that 3 weeks we had to go to our 1 year , he wouldn’t even have acknowledged the day. Probably dumped me so he didn’t have to acknowledge it. So it’s pretty safe to say $140 on flowers isn’t necessary anymore.

The heart felt card with a personal note though is pretty special. And like $4

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