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Ginger I'm just a lurker into your recent threads so my advice probably isn't worth a lot. You're in pain. It appears like it was triggered by the loss of M. Now I'm all about getting back on the horse but your body seems to be screaming at you to stop. If you want to date, date for fun. If you're dating for fun then fine go out with the guy who calls you at the last minute because who cares.....however the second you start having future thoughts RUN. If he chases (A LOT) then maybe consider giving him another chance otherwise kick him to the curb. Oh and I do not feel sorry for such a flaky man because he got exactly what he deserved.

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These are very interesting perspectives . I am trying to find the balance between being a biotch and wanting someone to work and respect and value my time. He did send me another text saying he apologized for going silent this week and that he went to text me a half a dozen times but every time he did the other phone rang. If you have excuses that fast, I couldn’t imagine what it would be Ike down the road. I like to give people chances. But we also know I give too many chances. It’s a really tough balance.

The guy I’m supposed to see tomorrow has also seemingly ghosted me. Whatever. I better not get a last minute text tomorrow. And if I do, I’m turning him down too.

It’s exhausting really. See, no dates this weekend!

I’m just abut died laughing reading your comment LH! Part of me wishes I could just get “hosed off”

Which brings me to your input kass. Thanks for stopping by. I took the time to deal with The loss of M. It’s his family and son I realized I miss awfully. I held anger for the lies he gave me. Pretending or he was committed. But he is t the man I want to be with. He was too selfish and didn’t deal with the stuff he needed to deal with. I do want a partner. Which is why it wasn’t going to work with him. His idea of partnership was everyone confirming to his life and schedule . I wish I just wanted a no strings attached. There was a period that was what I wanted. But not anymore

I appreciate the feedback here because I don’t realize what I’m doing sometimes and it’s hard to see from the inside. I really don’t let guys earn it. I make it work for them. I accept excuses. I know these guys haven’t even met me, and owe me nothing, but I think this does say apt abut their personalities. And how can I end up on an R where I don’t accept this stuff if I accept it from the get go.

So here I am, at home, bra off, PJ’s on with my sushi and wine. Right where I want to be right now

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It says EVERYTHING you need to know about them. You’re right, they don’t know you and you don’t know them but excuses this early in the game are just that, excuses. Whether it is deliberate or not is beside the point. People should follow through and do what they say they’ll do and if they can’t even send a text to confirm a date, well, that says a lot about how they choose to spend their time and energy.

Besides, being home with no bra and a bottle of wine sounds like a little slice of heaven to me.


Me 52, H53
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Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
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I agree - do not go out with them. They should be interested enough to make it happen. My bf texted me everyday more then once before we even met. So far- this is a predictor of what has been incredible. He makes tons of effort and everyday so far I feel worship, cherished and adored.

Here’s the thing, men do not get as many responses back as we get requests. They also do not get as many agreements to meet up. (Unless your on bumble) If a girl responds back, they need to jump on that opportunity. If not, it means they don’t want it bad enough.

My first time on OLD, I had responded back to a guy and we set up a date and he told me he was going away for some sort of vacation. He didn’t text back and forth and by the time he came back I was already dating someone else and I ended up ghosting cause I didn’t hear from him during that time.

Guys have to know better because quality women won’t put up with that because the market is in their favor. OLD is all about Market value and what’s in demand. Know your worth and don’t settle for less.


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I'm kinda on the fence... only because my first date with Jack was a spur of the moment idea that occurred when we were texting each other so it was last minute for both of us. And the second date was actually be inviting at the last minute and him accepting. Both worked out well. Neither of those situations were about me or him not valuing the other person. Honestly... I am such a planner, it felt really cool to be doing something on the spur of the moment. Now if that is how every meet up happened, that's a different story.

I am with Juju about the making a date and then disappearing for a few days though. I really don't know what that is about. I hate the mind games. It may be them not wanting to further the "relationship" until the first face-to-face meeting. If you text too much, expectations can get to a ridiculous level and it may be they are trying to stop that from happening. I can see that happening if you've had a few letdowns already. It's certainly something I have thought about. My texting with Jack before we met was about 30 minutes every three days. Brook is another story but we knew each other as teens so it feels a bit different...and we've seen each other once.

Anyway...do what you want Ginger. And if you do end up going out, I hope you have a fantastic time!!! (((HUGS)))

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Oh my....my head hurts...lol...My friend...your actions aren't matching your words.. That occurs when realizations happen. You feel it in your head but not in your heart yet.

The way to feel it that way is to fake it til you make it. Force yourself to make decisions based on what you are working on believing.

I am sorry, but, no to these guys...if they are interested they have to act like they are or...you move along because you
are worthy and attractive and a lot of other things. so....NEXT!!!

Even if you are bored or anything else. Actions need to match words.

I know this is all tied up in your past. I know that overcoming all that gunk is hard. But you are worth it.

I can also feel your frustration and almost desperation. That isn't the mindset you want going forward.

I know you are lonely and want a meaningful relationship.

You have to do something different to get different results.

So, come on now...regroup. Get your head and heart to match.

I am not saying to get off of OLD. I am saying go on there with the attitude that you are great...cuz you are. And if someone doesnt see that...ba bye.

Now get to gettin... <3

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Good for you G.....to the guy that didn't text all week I would just let him know that you are busy this weekend however that you might have free time next weekend so he can reach out if he wants to make a date. Then leave it alone and let him do all the work.

As far as the other dude goes, I made a date with the Dr. 2 days ahead of time with a specific time and place then didn't call her for 2 days. She reached out 1 more before the date to confirm if we were still on.

If this dude has not made specific plans with you then when he reaches out I would just let him know that something came up and since you had no specific plans made you assumed the date was off. However he can try again maybe next weekend and put the ball right back in his court.

I guess what I am saying is don't be easy and make the dates for them. Make them do the work to court you and ask you out. But your not just sitting around waiting......F that.

This is if you even want to still go out. If it was me and a girl did that to me and I was interested in her I would still ask her out if she went dark on me for several days.


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M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
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I’ve been doing a lot of processing of emotions over here. My head hurts too, UR!

I am in such a weird place and I hate where I am. My actions have to catch up with my heart.

I know exactly what I want.

I sort of know how to get it.

I have a hard time putting it into action or even realizing I’m reverting to old ways.

I have seen dating be so hard and technical for anyone else. But I guess I am trying to achieve a pretty high level deal here, so it has to be this way.

Sometimes I do miss M. I miss the comfort we had together. I miss the family sort of stuff. Going through the dating process is actually getting much harder and not much easier. You would think I was a pro by now.

I don’t want to come off as desperate, but I desperately want to settle down. I am no longer in my 20’s. This lifestyle stinks. I look at all these stupid profiles online

“ I’ve been to 72 counties and I love to travel!”

Well, I am a single mom with a career and responsibilities and I’ve been to like 3 countries and rarely ever travel. I like family days and activities, I like to sit down to a home cooked meal with the ones I love. Sometimes I actually enjoy grocery shopping and losing my lawn.

I don’t want excitement. I want boring. Because boring and stable is so beautiful and thrilling for me.

I did not accept the offer from that guy for Sunday. The other guy I was supposed to meet yesterday just ghosted me.

No one has deserved my time of day yet. I know I need to carry myself in such a way. I do at that I need to stop being readily available, forgiving and accommodating, especially to people I don’t even know.

Really, I don’t know if I even want to be dating. I kind of like my boring life. It’s lonely, but I like the security I give myself. Not hoping or expecting someone cares or someone will call or someone wants to be with me. Unless someone. Ones along as equally as boring as me and likes the boring stuff and treats me as I deserve to be treated, well, then I’ve got my doggy who loves me more than anyone and is cuddling with me right now.

My daughter on the other hand just hung up on me because I said she could not have acrylic nails, lol. Lord save me!

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Oh, and I was having a conversation with a coworker who has been dating her boyfriend for a year ( it’s the guy I know). She said he’s great, very thoughtful and she 100% trusts him. She does say there are things missing, but she figures it’s worth working through because they do have something good. The good outweighs what’s missing and she knows it won’t be perfect.

Made me think of M telling me something was missing. I knew there were things missing too. But do you give up for that? I don’t know. Perfection isn’t out there and you always have to weigh the good with the bad .

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Yea...I so want to travel..but my financial sitch is what it is and I dont think that is going to happen for me, but, who knows.

I dont think what you want is boring at all. Someone to share a life with...all the little things that happen. I get it.

I also dont think it is too much to ask that you find someone who loves and accepts you as you are and wants to spend time with you. Those are basics things you should have in a relationship.

Are any relationships perfect? Umm...nooooo. And truth be told, there are things missing from mine. Do you give up if things are missing...depends on what it is. I agree..you have to look at whether the good outweighs the bad and take it from there.

I think M had things missing in his own head and heart and all that were separate from you. He just didnt know it.

And if he felt that way...there isnt anything you can do about it.

I think dating is harder as you get older but not impossible.

But you dont have the right mindset right now so it is seeming even harder. You are putting pressure on yourself. When that happens, we react differently without even realizing it.

The very best thing you can do is to truly believe you deserve someone who wants to be with you, who respects you and wants to show that. That is key.

Keep living your life as best you can. Do what you can on OLD and then step away when you need to.

There is someone out there for you. I know it.

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