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A Message from Michele
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Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882155
01/24/20 04:34 PM
01/24/20 04:34 PM
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Posts: 4,149
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Ut oh DH is back in the house looking to kick a$$ and take names lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882156
01/24/20 04:34 PM
01/24/20 04:34 PM
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TBSakaJ9 Online
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G...you have to act as if. The Dr. was not dating anyone else at the time we met however she made it seem like she had plans, was busy and had options.

The only date you should potentially have this weekend is with the first guy, I think it's the teacher.

The dude that you didn't hear from for a week can take a number...……………..


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882164
01/24/20 05:33 PM
01/24/20 05:33 PM
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Posts: 2,320
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Dawn70 Offline
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Yeah, G...I'm gonna have to go with the guys on this one. I know that is contrary to my original stance which was to give him a chance despite the crappy texting because maybe he just wasn't a phone person. But, you actually changed my mind on that with your stance that you just didn't want to put forth effort for someone who didn't seem to be matching that effort. That made sense to me and I thought you made a good point and that seemed like a great positive attitude to move forward. Then you started talking to the 2nd guy who quickly said he'd find a sitter so y'all could make plans, though I don't know that you have anything set in stone yet, per se.

If you already said the first guy was a no go, why even entertain the thought of going now? You were pretty clear about not feeling his interest and his being vanilla (that part stuck out to me in particular because I commented on it), so why revisit now just because he popped up again? The only "pickle" I see you are in is if he was still under the impression that y'all were going out tonight because you never told him differently after y'all initially talked about it then he disappeared. If that is the case, I would still go with the guys here and just tell him you already have other plans since you haven't heard from him and then make him wait. I'm not into games, but it seems this guy is playing some...or at least that is the impression I would get in a similar situation. You made plans with him then he disappeared, so you moved on. No harm, no foul. If I were in your place, I also would not make plans with him for tomorrow afternoon, since you tentatively have plans with the other guy already. If he's interested, he can wait, since he had no problem making you wait and not even contacting you.

I get it, people are busy. But, you can find a few minutes to shoot a couple of texts in a week's time. It is just not that hard. Does he never go to the bathroom or eat a meal? Surely he could send a quick text at one of those points.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882168
01/24/20 06:12 PM
01/24/20 06:12 PM
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Posts: 4,669
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Ginger1 Online OP
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We had a tentative date planned for Friday, no place, no time, still had t exchanged actual phone numbers and I hadn’t heard from him in 3 days. Now on the day of he asks me if we are still on. I have a few weekend, so I feel stupid passing up an opportunity, but I am usually so readily available. I need to stop that. He’s definitely out of practice on the dating front. And I am such an ahole because I don’t feel like babying anyone back into the scene if you know what I mean. I do think I did that for M. But do I really know this guy and if that’s his case? No.

I am wondering if the teacher is flaking our on me for tomorrow. Haven’t heard from him today or tomorrow. Just a town to meet in and the afternoon, but no place or time yet.

The firefighter is working tomorrow. He would probably just be fun to come put out m y fire.....but I haven’t gotten a feel yet for him.

Watch . In the end, no dates at all.

Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882170
01/24/20 06:22 PM
01/24/20 06:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Tell him you have a burning bush at your house and he needs to bring his hose right away.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882174
01/24/20 06:39 PM
01/24/20 06:39 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,399
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TBSakaJ9 Online
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LOL...….I think he will feel it in his plums, his big juicy plums!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882177
01/24/20 06:55 PM
01/24/20 06:55 PM
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Dawn70 Offline
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Now on the day of he asks me if we are still on. I have a few weekend, so I feel stupid passing up an opportunity, but I am usually so readily available. I need to stop that. He’s definitely out of practice on the dating front. And I am such an ahole because I don’t feel like babying anyone back into the scene if you know what I mean. I do think I did that for M. But do I really know this guy and if that’s his case? No.

G, what would you say to someone in your shoes? I would advise them NOT to go at the last minute like that. Especially if you didn't have specific plans already in place. Now, you should probably take into account that I'm a planner and I just don't "do" spontaneous, so I wouldn't be a fan of that whole last minute thing anyway, but I don't really see how this is you passing up an opportunity. You do need to stop being so readily available and you are NOT an ahole. Why should you have to do all the work to get some guy you barely know back on the dating horse? How is that possibly YOUR responsibility?

Girl, you need to stop all that negativity right now and go back to that positive, I'm worth it, kick a$$ woman you really are. You talked with this guy, didn't feel it but tentatively agreed to a date anyway only to have him vanish for a few days then pop back up on the day of and ask if you're still on. Seriously, read that part out loud to yourself and OBJECTIVELY think about the advice you would give to one of your closest girlfriends if they were in the same situation with a guy. If I were a betting woman, I would bet good money that you would tell your friend to lose his number and never look back because she is worth more than that.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

I am wondering if the teacher is flaking our on me for tomorrow. Haven’t heard from him today or tomorrow. Just a town to meet in and the afternoon, but no place or time yet.

G...…….oh G...…….how I desperately wish we could get you to see yourself through the lenses that we do. The first dude flaked and then came back and basically said "my bad, busy week, still up for tonight?" And you still are considering going. Dude 2, who you seem to have more of a fondness for and haven't "called the code on" yet (to use words from a previous post) hasn't texted in a couple of days and you assume it is because he is flaking. So here is my dilemma: dude 1 you had already pretty much written off as vanilla and a cold fish and basically decided not to go on the date with because you felt like you were putting in more effort. Dude 2 seems more exciting because he seemed to be actively participating in this whole "let's make a date" deal by offering to get a sitter. Now, you haven't talked to him and you have no idea whether he was able to get a sitter or not or what is going on. I may getting my stories totally all out of whack here, but isn't this the guy who also told you he was going to be out of town for work in the days leading up to the prospective date or was dude 1? In short (now that I have been so long-winded), I'm confused. I need some kind of diagram or flow chart to keep up with you, girl!

Originally Posted by Ginger1

The firefighter is working tomorrow. He would probably just be fun to come put out m y fire.....but I haven’t gotten a feel yet for him.

I'm probably going to be in the minority here when I say this, but be careful with this one. I think you are joking and I think LH is to an extent as well, but I'm not sure jumping in and sleeping with someone right quick is the way to go about it, particularly with a ff because that might bring up too many painful memories of another ff. It is fine to be friendly, flirty, have witty banter, but just be careful.

Originally Posted by Ginger1

Watch . In the end, no dates at all.

This is more a rhetorical statement than anything but I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing. G, you said yourself you need to stoop being so available. Do not feel obligated to go out with dude 1 when you already wrote him off. He may well be a nice guy, but if you feel like he's too plain for you or that you are having to hold his hand while he gets his feet under him, that may not be the best situation for you. If teacher guy flakes and doesn't show up tomorrow, then it will hurt, but do you really need that? MAKE THEM EARN IT! I get that you are lonely and want to connect with someone and you don't have a lot of time because you have your daughter, but YOU are valuable. You are far too valuable to accept dates at the last minute as though you are just waiting for them.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882179
01/24/20 07:01 PM
01/24/20 07:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,149
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LH19 Offline
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Just for the record, I’m not joking lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882180
01/24/20 07:04 PM
01/24/20 07:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,320
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Dawn70 Offline
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Just for the record, I said you were "to an extent". I figured there was actually some level of seriousness to your urging and J9's. But it is what it is. We all come from different experiences and give different advice, which is what makes this whole thing great. And, my advice might be sh!t, so if it doesn't work for people, they certainly shouldn't take it. LOL

I think the one thing we likely all agree on is that G is amazing and deserves someone amazing. Whether any of these guys who have been mentioned fall into that category remains to be seen.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: The odd one out [Re: Ginger1] #2882184
01/24/20 07:22 PM
01/24/20 07:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,149
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LH19 Offline
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D,

Actually I’m just trying to have fun on a Friday afternoon waiting for DH to come back and blast us all lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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