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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 536
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Posts: 536
Hi J

This is a very difficult time for you.

Don't worry about what your W might be thinking about you, as tempting as that is. It will drive you mad.
The best things to do are what have already been mentioned: GAL, start building a positive attitude, demonstrate this to everyone (not just W), and keep busy.

FWIW, my W and I are about to lose my house and the D is nearing the end. W wanted it, I didn't. I'm coping better than I was because I find stuff to do. My mind is occupied, I put my energy into that and build confidence. Sure I have moments where I am sad - that is natural, and I'd be worried if I never had those feelings. But I can't dwell on them. I feel the pain, then I do something very uplifting. It can be a tiny simple thing. Watch a few YouTube videos, catch up on a fave show on Netflix or iPlayer, go see your favourite comedian, meet up with mates. Whatever. All of these activities are beneficial as you will start to do these naturally. So when your W contacts you demanding you do something for her you say "I'm not free then, I'm out and about," or "I'm in <town> that day so can't help." (stay vague about what you're doing).

The other thing I found hard, is to stop saying sorry. Stop it. Your W knows you are sorry. You just have to demonstrate with your actions. Don't bring up R talks, don't apologise for anything, but do remain polite and business-like in your responses.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Joined: Feb 2017
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Any updates?

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