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Hey phnx... happy and sad to hear your update. I guess i always hope these will work out, but sometimes it is for the best that they don't. Sounds like you have a great handle on things, and are valuing yourself and your relationship with your son. Keep up the good work and don't ever let worries about being your kid's "friend" interfere with you being a parent... you handled the sitch in the yard great. He will respect and love you for it in the long run, even if he says (as kids that age are wont to do) hurtful things to you now.

Stay strong, and keep up the good work. Hope you have a better season next year!

Keep us updated! I will continue to pray for you and your family!


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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Above all else you've got to do what is right for you and your kids P. Your W has a long road to recovery ahead and it could be years before she is someone you could trust and love again. In the meantime breaking it off with her may be necessary to help you heal. Good luck and keep us posted.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Above all else you've got to do what is right for you and your kids P. Your W has a long road to recovery ahead and it could be years before she is someone you could trust and love again. In the meantime breaking it off with her may be necessary to help you heal. Good luck and keep us posted.


Thanks "AS", you are absolutely right. It will take this for me to heal and move on. She would never leave and she would never file. She could honestly live like this for a long time before she would do anything.

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Originally Posted by LH19
P,

What I have been trying to communicate is that you deserve better. We all come here trying to save our marriages and have this fantasy that our exes our going to see the light and beg us for forgiveness. That rarely if ever happens. If it does it’s usually way down the road when they can truly see the devastation they have caused. Even the ones who reconcile have it tough. My friends W cheated 16 years ago and he never got over it and is ready to D. He said after that every time she was late or got a phone call he wondered in the back of his mind what she was doing or talking to.

Divorced life have its challenges but it beats the heck out of a shitty marriage. There are so many available women out there who had the same thing happen to them and are just looking for an honest man.

You deserve better and you will realize it some day.


Haven't heard form you in a while. Wanted to say thanks "LH". You were spot on and I am moving forward with divorce. I will be giving her the papers to sign today. We will be splitting amicably. Still haven't got her out the house but it is on the market with a realtor. Divorce papers ask her to move out within 10 days.

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Sorry it's come to this, but I think in the long run it's the healthiest thing for both of you. And who knows, there may yet be recon down the line somewhere. Sometimes it has to be "over" before it can "begin again".


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

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P,

You’re welcome brother! I know I can be a hard a$$ at times but I’ve been around long enough to know that weakness doesn’t work, plactating doesn’t work and strength doesn’t work. But it gets respect! That’s all you can ask for right now. Go out with your head held high knowing you did everything to keep your family together. She’s the weak bitch who will have to atone for her wrongs someday. She’ll have a lot of explaining to do to your kids someday.

Stay strong my friend!

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Hey phnix... How goes it man?


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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It’s going fairly well. On lock-down due to COVID-19 and been working around the house and playing golf with my friends. My stitch moved out and is living in another town. Lol. Probably best as she can continue to hide from her demons.
We talk and mostly cordial. I see no need in being ugly. I’ve realized in time she will suffer the greatest among us. She talks as if she has some remorse but she is still confused as to where her life will go from here. We have been splitting custody of our 14 year old using the 4-3 rotation.

She text me a lot when she has our son and then never really text much when I have him. I haven’t pursued her and only respond when she contacts me. Not sure I’d ever take her back after what she has done. I wouldn’t never trust her again and I found out way to much information in the process.

Papers will go to the judge to sign on March 31st. Not sure about the state of our country and whether the judge will be able to sign it that day. I’m moving forward and focused on trying to be positive and happy. Most I come into contact in my home town know my situation and are very genuine in their concern for me and how I’m doing. Not really concerned about dating or pursuing other women and not sure I could ever trust again at the present moment. It will definitely be a huge change in becoming single at 41.

As for being alone, it has gotten a lot better. I visit my son at times when he is with her. I’ve been in her new home and we are very cordial. She has pictures up of me which is very confusing and weird. I’ve just come to realize that she is bat [censored] crazy!!!!!!

The future looks bright and I have been very positive. Boy I am in a better place than I was during that 9 month span I was trying to save this marriage. Sure wish I would have taken LH’s advice and just walked away.
I’ve realized that when something like this happens and they have no immediate remorse for what they have done the situation really becomes hopeless. Your only option is to walk away and start over. Once all parties have healed and it takes time then there may be a chance for new love to be born again. As time goes by I slowly realize that I will be happier with someone else or by myself. Trying to fight doesn’t work if the cheating spouse has no remorse.
I know this sounds easier said than done but it is truth. I cherish all you guys for being there in my time of need. Having folks to talk to really helped keep my sanity and keep me from ruining my life by harming the OM.

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Nice update.. Did wonder about your sitch

Originally Posted by phnix


She has pictures up of me which is very confusing and weird. I’ve just come to realize that she is bat [censored] crazy!!!!!!


lol.. this made me laugh

Originally Posted by phnix


The future looks bright and I have been very positive. Boy I am in a better place than I was during that 9 month span I was trying to save this marriage. Sure wish I would have taken LH’s advice and just walked away.
I’ve realized that when something like this happens and they have no immediate remorse for what they have done the situation really becomes hopeless. Your only option is to walk away and start over. Once all parties have healed and it takes time then there may be a chance for new love to be born again. As time goes by I slowly realize that I will be happier with someone else or by myself.



I was in this exact situation 11 months ago once may WW moved out.. It gets so much better.. Live your life - enjoy it smile


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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That's a great update, Phnix. I'm glad you are feeling better.

Regarding OM and W, don't worry, one of them will cheat on the other and the universe will balance itself out.

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