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P,

I'm in your neck of the woods. It's getting cold as hell here. How are things going?

Joejoe01


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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phnix Offline OP
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Doing well. Played golf in that cold on Sunday. 4 Birdies shot 2 over.

Things have been going well. I am getting ready to file. We discussed specifics about divorce somewhat yesterday. I am about ready. She has agreed to move out for now but it will be at least 30 days before an apartment becomes available. I have started my own checking account and will begin the process of paying only the bills in my name. We will split the mortgage/utilities until she moves out. This is what she wants so there is no need to fight it. Will not be fun but necessary at this point. I will not make things easy for her because that is what she wants. For example: She is willing to take extremely less than what the equity is in the house so she can pay off her debts and started a clean slate.

In doing this it would strap me with more debt until I sold the house. I told her I will not do that and that my lawyer will determine the details that are best for me and my sons. Had to cut the convo short at that point. Other than that I am doing well. Really busy with games every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. Leave home at 6:00am and get home around mid-night. Life of a coach.

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Originally Posted by phnix
In doing this it would strap me with more debt until I sold the house. I told her I will not do that and that my lawyer will determine the details that are best for me and my sons. Had to cut the convo short at that point.


So you're saying she's willing to forfeit her half of the home equity in exchange for a smaller sum upfront? You should really consider that. I understand it's more debt for now, but estimate how long it will take you to sell the house and figure out how much interest you would pay on that debt during that time versus how much more equity you will receive once the house is sold. If it's heavily in your favor then do it.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Well she wants $15,000 and the equity would possibly be $50,000 or more once the house is sold. We owe $147,000 and it appraises for $220,00. Probably would try to sell it for $200,000. I would have to refinance the house I guess. I'm not sure and I am just now looking into this stuff.

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Do it!

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Wow, if she took the $15,000, from what you are saying she would be leaving almost $12,000-$15,000 or more on the table, if you sold at $200,000. But if your realtor is good they can get you what the market is selling at. So if it's appraised at $220,000 and you want to get it sold fast you could drop $5,000. A good realtor would get you the market price. The more money they sell your home for the more money they make. Most realtors gets between 6%-8%, so they work hard to make sells.

Don't sell yourself short on this deal. It looks like it's a bunch of money to be made on your end. You can make out like a fat rat just by being patient.

Joejoe


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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phnix Offline OP
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I have a realtor coming out next weekend to do a market analysis on the home. I’d have to see if I can manage because she has 2 other credit cards in her name she is wanting to split with me. The $15000 would pay off the one with her 10,000 for her going through the administration program for college. Like I said it’s the easy way out for her. Not sure I’m wanting to make it easy for her when I may be struggling to get by for a while.

I did change checking accounts over so she isn’t liking that idea because the mortgage and all the drafts would be coming out of her account. Obviously I told her I’d pay half the mortgage and the other bills until she moves out. She is ready for this and I need to be ok with going in that direction. She has currently stopped wearing her wedding ring and I think she is meeting up with him.

She started going back to the gym to work out. Been going with a friend from 8-9. I picked up food last night and noticed he was at the gym at 8:00. Can’t continue to live like this so it’s time. Thinking I will take off one day next week and borrow the money to pay my lawyer. $2800 isn’t bad and I don’t think she will use a lawyer. She has already filled out papers online but hasn’t done anything with them. It’s been over a week so I’m sure she isn’t in a hurry.

Living in a small community and having this happen has finally made me feel humiliated and ashamed.

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Your still putting way too much energy into her. Don’t worry about what’s easy for her and do what’s best for you.

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Originally Posted by phnix

Living in a small community and having this happen has finally made me feel humiliated and ashamed.


Well, you are the only one who can stand there with dignity. Be the lighthouse for your kids.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
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Originally Posted by phnix
Like I said it’s the easy way out for her. Not sure I’m wanting to make it easy for her when I may be struggling to get by for a while.


Quit thinking in those terms. Your focus should be 100% on YOU. What makes the most financial sense for you LONG TERM. Who cares if it's "easy" for her in the short term.

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She has currently stopped wearing her wedding ring and I think she is meeting up with him.


She sees herself as single now. Think about what that says about the kind of person she is, and OM is. She's a married woman pretending to be single. And OM is having an affair with a married woman. Wrap your head around that! Is that the kind of person you even want to be married to? Someone that so quickly throws away all their moral standards for what, a fling that give her some temporary fuzzy feel-good feelings? You are better than that!

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She started going back to the gym to work out. Been going with a friend from 8-9. I picked up food last night and noticed he was at the gym at 8:00. Can’t continue to live like this so it’s time.


Live like what, a love-lorn stalker? Yeah you really should quit living like that!

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Living in a small community and having this happen has finally made me feel humiliated and ashamed.


Why? What have you done wrong? That's on her.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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