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A Message from Michele
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Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881250
01/18/20 12:17 PM
01/18/20 12:17 PM
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Posts: 3,230
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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ok I swiped right again, and now have to open dialog with BG#2.
BG#1 texted me yesterday to say hi ... I responded but didn't get into a conversation.

honestly G I get where you're coming from ... I think OLD reinforces a sense of isolation for some people - I know it does for me. It seems to strip out the human aspect..

OH and yes, I saw a urinal background pic this am ... delightful.. good grief. LEEEEFFFT....Oh and let me see if I can get this right, a married man who is an ethical non monogamist, "just ask" he said. no, thanks. I'm sure that works for some people, but it wouldn't for me. And why am I seeing so many guys who live in other states? Is it really what I'm thinking it is, that they are getting some side action on business trips?

BG#1 asked me some questions/made some observations that had me wondering. I really don't have a lot of time. What am I really looking for here? A distraction? Something light and non committal... coffee, maybe drinks/apps ... I don't even know. oh well, I'm sure more will be revealed. It usually is, lol.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881391
01/19/20 06:31 PM
01/19/20 06:31 PM
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Posts: 1,436
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DejaVu6 Offline
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What the h3ll is an “ethical non monogamist”??? I saw that a few times on OLD too. It seems to me if you are married, there is no such thing. People do like to twist things so they sound okay. I guess if they throw the word “ethical” in there, people might think it is okay???

What are you looking for? I would just say a connection with someone and an opportunity to see where that might go. Keeping expectations [relatively] low is key... and being open to whatever it is the universe has planned.

(((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881413
01/19/20 09:39 PM
01/19/20 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,418
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kml Offline
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I’m guessing an “ethical non-monogamist” is somebody in an open marriage, where both partners are free to have outside relationships. My guess is that usually one half of that marriage is a reluctant participant, willing to twist themselves into a pretzel to “keep” their partner. Whatever - not interested in the least in being part of that kind of drama.

Now, I’m not opposed to a SINGLE guy who is very clear from the beginning that he doesn’t “do” monogamous relationships. That was the case with my Love Avoidant guy that I dated before and after crazy exBF. I knew the ground rules going in and never expected anything more from him, and that was fine. I enjoyed our friendship but also knew it wasn’t what I wanted long term.

Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: DejaVu6] #2881445
01/20/20 02:18 AM
01/20/20 02:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
What the h3ll is an “ethical non monogamist”??? I saw that a few times on OLD too. It seems to me if you are married, there is no such thing. People do like to twist things so they sound okay. I guess if they throw the word “ethical” in there, people might think it is okay???

more justification of MLC bs is my initial thought...

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
What are you looking for? I would just say a connection with someone and an opportunity to see where that might go. Keeping expectations [relatively] low is key... and being open to whatever it is the universe has planned.

(((HUGS)))


low expectations - not hard to do, lol
being open to whatever it is the universe has planned - man, I struggle with that one!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: kml] #2881446
01/20/20 02:20 AM
01/20/20 02:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
I’m guessing an “ethical non-monogamist” is somebody in an open marriage, where both partners are free to have outside relationships. My guess is that usually one half of that marriage is a reluctant participant, willing to twist themselves into a pretzel to “keep” their partner. Whatever - not interested in the least in being part of that kind of drama.

Now, I’m not opposed to a SINGLE guy who is very clear from the beginning that he doesn’t “do” monogamous relationships. That was the case with my Love Avoidant guy that I dated before and after crazy exBF. I knew the ground rules going in and never expected anything more from him, and that was fine. I enjoyed our friendship but also knew it wasn’t what I wanted long term.


my thoughts exactly. and your love avoidant friend - I share your view - no problem with that. He's single and honest. For me, as soon as you say "I do" you're saying "I don't" to everyone else. Or at least that's how I've always thought it was supposed to be.

Kml, check your PM ..... smile


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881448
01/20/20 02:27 AM
01/20/20 02:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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DV you asked a good question. What do I want...Today I spent part of the day at my volunteer gig. Got to see a couple of the gals I adore who also volunteer there. Haven't seen them in a while, and they are a true delight. Then I went to K's gig.. Was supposed to help out, but ended up not having to do anything except enjoy myself, which I did. This is a long way of saying I have very squishy heart feelings (DnJ) for K which seem to get stronger the more time we spend together. I know, I know, I know - I think he feels the same. Neither of us is acting on this but he's invited me over to hang out with him and his boy, and we're going to a show (the three of us). I'm trying to convince my boy to join us.

Gotta let this one go to the universe.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881482
01/20/20 12:27 PM
01/20/20 12:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,990
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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning bttrfly

Enjoy the show and the time with K.

Allow yourself this time.

Within the maelstrom of your busy life, take this time for you and enjoy it.

Put all else aside, set down the loads you carry, for the few hours; and let go to the universe.

Enjoy the time.

DnJ


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881736
01/21/20 10:05 PM
01/21/20 10:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Posts: 3,230
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quick update on the Bumble-verse.
So I've swiped right a few times, including three guys who were in my beeline.
Only one responded.

It's fine, but I get why you get discouraged, G. If I was invested in this, it would be crushing.

What's more upsetting to me is the amount of people who are cheating, obviously. Only one had the decency to say, "Don't want to mislead or hurt anyone. I'm married. Looking for a beautiful woman to hop on the back of my motorcycle."
etc.

Points given for honesty, much better than the guys from Idaho, NYC, Georgia, and Virginia who showed up saying they were at the local major airport.

GMAFB. I wondered where the MLCrs went. Now I know, and I'm disgusted.


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881741
01/21/20 10:50 PM
01/21/20 10:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,418
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kml Offline
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Quote
So I've swiped right a few times, including three guys who were in my beeline.
Only one responded.

It's fine, but I get why you get discouraged, G. If I was invested in this, it would be crushing.


Why should it be? 1 out of 3 seems like pretty good odds actually. You wouldn't go to a party and expect 1/3 of the men there to be interested in you, would you?

OLD is completely different from regular dating. You should EXPECT to send messages to numerous people to get one good reply. People who don't reply may well have nothing to do with you - people get passed on because the person is already talking to an interesting prospect, or because you look like their sister-in-law, or because they're looking for a 20 year old or a bleach blond with fake boobs. In none of those cases do you actually WANT them to reply to you.

It's a numbers game, and in order to get a good enough sample to find a good match, you NEED to send out feelers to LOTS of people, and EXPECT only a few to be interested. Stop taking it so personally.

Re: Three Chords and the Truth [Re: bttrfly] #2881742
01/21/20 10:53 PM
01/21/20 10:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,669
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Ginger1 Online
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Ginger1  Online
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,669
The truth is too, with bumble, they have 24 hours to respond. And if they don’t log on for a day, the match expires and they can’t contact you.

Yeah, there are a whole lot of cheaters out there. It’s a very sad reality.

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