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A Message from Michele
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Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883126
01/30/20 03:28 PM
01/30/20 03:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
Wolf keep in mind Iím trying to help you.

I think your both selfish and only care about yourself. Her with the divorce and temper tantrums until she gets what she wants and you using your girlfriend and moving out when times were tough. You talk about kissing your kids every day but you gave up that right over a year ago to spare your feelings. Thatís selfishness.

Now as far as the latest incident, you could have made sure he had his uniform or used it as a teaching lesson for him to be more responsible. I bet he wouldnít forget it the next time if he didnít play.

As for your Ws temper tantrums, you never stood up to her and told her no, that is why sheís not attracted to you. If you donít put in the work to understand attraction w things are never going to change. Woman are not attracted long term to pushovers.

You and your W both have narcissistic tendencies which will in turn make your children suffer.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883127
01/30/20 03:30 PM
01/30/20 03:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,972
G
Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,972
And we are only trying to help.

You tie everything to the divorce and your ex. Time to take some responsibility, stop the blame game, stop thinking about what she should or shouldnít be doing or if you agree with her actions or not.

Just focus on your side of the street.

Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883133
01/30/20 03:48 PM
01/30/20 03:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
To Gingers point. Itís never a narcissistís fault.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Ginger1] #2883137
01/30/20 04:01 PM
01/30/20 04:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 483
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
Wolfman  Offline OP
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W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 483
Originally Posted by LH19
Wolf keep in mind Iím trying to help you.

You talk about kissing your kids every day but you gave up that right over a year ago to spare your feelings. Thatís selfishness.

Now as far as the latest incident, you could have made sure he had his uniform or used it as a teaching lesson for him to be more responsible. I bet he wouldnít forget it the next time if he didnít play.

As for your Ws temper tantrums, you never stood up to her and told her no, that is why sheís not attracted to you. If you donít put in the work to understand attraction w things are never going to change. Woman are not attracted long term to pushovers.

You and your W both have narcissistic tendencies which will in turn make your children suffer.


You are right I should have never left. I should have stayed and taken back the MBR. What a mistake it was. LH I am so sorry I didnít listen to you as well many others who told me to go back to the MBR. I am going to stand up to her much more. Regardless of her temper tantrums. I was such a pushover because she was so good at gaslighting me. She had me so convinced if I went against her I was being spiteful or vindictive. When it would be something that I didnít agree with. I now know not to believe those things.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And we are only trying to help.

You tie everything to the divorce and your ex. Time to take some responsibility, stop the blame game, stop thinking about what she should or shouldnít be doing or if you agree with her actions or not.

Just focus on your side of the street.

I agree that my kids need to have responsibilities. Iím just saying she should follow up and make sure it s done. She should not be doing everything for my kids. My s is 9. I just think she should had made sure everything g was I. The garage. I am more focused on myself I was just saying what happened and why my s was so angry. Also that she thinks the kids are ok with d. Maybe in time, but right now they are hurting and I donít think she gets that.


M:41 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:12. S:9
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883139
01/30/20 04:05 PM
01/30/20 04:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
She gets it she just doesnít care!!!!!!!!!!!!?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: LH19] #2883140
01/30/20 04:13 PM
01/30/20 04:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 483
W
Wolfman Offline OP
Member
Wolfman  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 483
Originally Posted by LH19
She gets it she just doesnít care!!!!!!!!!!!!?

I guess that whatís hard for me to understand. Her not caring how this affects them. It just blows me away. Sorry.


M:41 W:40
T:19 M: 15
D:12. S:9
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883146
01/30/20 04:29 PM
01/30/20 04:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,085
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,085
San Antonio, Texas
Wolf,

You are placing a lot of blame on your W. And you are holding on to the cause of the pain. You wanted your wife to stay in the M just for the kids, that don't sound healthy at all. It almost sounds like, "just tough it out". And If you felt like that, then that's the vibe you were giving off. I would challenge you too stop finding blame to place and take some ownership for some of what happened. Just because you gave your W everything she wanted and as you say, "gave in", don't make you any less liable for where the M is. You didn't set healthy boundaries and allowed your W to do what she wanted. And now you are mad because she is still doing what she wants. You set that precedent!!!

Seems to me like you have a problem with disciplining. People and children have to have consequences, if they don't, they tend to start to live outside of reality. Your son forgot his uniform twice, not only that, he got in the car and YOU drove off without asking him did he have it. So from where I'm sitting, it's blame to go around on both sides.

IMO, I think you are stuck in blame mode and it's hindering your healing and ability to move forward and make sound decisions with your kids and for yourself.

onward and forward


M:36 W:35
T:9 M:8
S15, S11, S8, S3
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883147
01/30/20 04:30 PM
01/30/20 04:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
Well Wolf when you moved out of your house how do you think your kids felt and how do you think it effected them?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883151
01/30/20 04:43 PM
01/30/20 04:43 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,441
Colorado
R
Ready2Change Offline
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Ready2Change  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,441
Colorado

Hi Wolf,

We all have different parenting styles. I got a lot out of the parenting with love and logic class I attended and the book was a great read. If you read it, you can give it away when you are done. Even to your X. Do not worry about how she reacts.

One of the main ideas is that everyone "pulls their own wagon". Another is "Everything is a teachable experience".




You parent your way. Let the mother parent her way. You change the way you parent as you learn and grow. Focus on your relationship with your kids. Validate their experience. Reward the responsible behaviors. Let them experience natural consequences of poor choices so that the learn and grow from the experience.


I could wine to you for days on end about how my X is not parenting the same way I do. I can't control her. I am sure she complains about my parenting style.

None of us are perfect. Our parents weren't perfect. We all do the best with what we have. Some of us are lucky and realize this and can make positive changes to our beliefs and behaviors.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: Midlife wife crisis13 [Re: Wolfman] #2883155
01/30/20 05:04 PM
01/30/20 05:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 125
M
MrBrside Offline
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MrBrside  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 125
Quote


What worked in the past? Eventually me giving in. She was relentless. When she got something on her mind she would not let it go. For example if she wanted to go away. She would just keep talking about it until I would just finally give in and book the vacation even if we didnít have the money for it. Same with her parents, she would fight endlessly with her mom about a lot of stupid stuff. She was always a spoiled brat. When she didnít get her way she would become angry or just keep hammering away at people until they gave in to her needs. Itís a shame she took our marriage for granted. My kids are the ones paying the price. My s is starting to become very angry and act out.


You just described 7 of the 8 years with my WAW...

Mine did this with everything - boobjob, clothes, cars, botox...There was always something.

Using the children as her leverage.

She still tries now to use the children against me as a threat ( I refused to give her more money towards clothes (I pay her a LOT in maintanance ) so she got mad - my eldest then told her i'm purchasing a new sports car this weekend - she txts me to say i can no longer take the children on holiday )

I can honestly say that once you minamise contact with these type of people, you will feel free.

It was a rough few months this time last year - now i wish i had walked away years before. You cannot reason with these people. I suspect your WAW surrounds herself with friends who validate her.. and spits out the ones who dont.

I'd keep correspndance to a minimum and try to enjoy life - people like you WAW will drag you down..


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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