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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Chris73] #2883968
02/04/20 07:03 PM
02/04/20 07:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,487
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Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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I can’t change what my ex and his affair partner/wife did. I can get angry, not forgive them, avoid them, etc. where exactly would that get me?

This woman was in my daughters life at 6 months old. My daughter is now 12 and they have been married for 9 years come April fools day. I could “lay down the law” I could hate them, I could think of ways to
Make their lives hell.... where would that get me? No where. That’s my daughter’s
Home too over there.

I am very civil and friendly with my ex and his wife. She treats my daughter well. I want their marriage to last because o don’t want my daughter to go through their divorce. My daughter not to long ago came to me and said “ I love that you and daddy get along so well and don’t hate each other. Most divorced parents can’t even be in the same room . It makes me so happy” and that’s all I needed and wanted. It wasn’t about what they did anymore. It was that my daughter was loved and happy and not uncomfortable around all parents and she didn’t have to get that anxiety when we were all coming together for her.

That’s truly all I needed from this this god awful event that occurred in my life.

Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Chris73] #2883976
02/04/20 07:51 PM
02/04/20 07:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,559
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HaWho Offline
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Interesting conversation.

I wish my ex and I could do a better job of being warmer for the kids’ sake. He just married his OW in the same year we divorced. I wish he had not made his OW the stepmom to my kids but I think that will play out just the way it should. He does not bring her around me at all. He says it is to prevent “awkwardness.” There is no awkwardness on my part; I sleep with a very clear conscience. If I met her I am not sure what I would do. In the end I pity her. She is 38 and got with a married man when she was probably 35 or 36. There is a reason why she went for a married guy; she is broken.

He kept it all a secret, asked my kids to keep her secret from me, too! They married without my kids present. Sounds pretty isolating. I believe there are reasons they are not shining a light on their “love.”

I let my ex go a very long time ago. He is not the person he was. I had the luxury (insert sarcasm emoji) of living with him and watching him spiral for years. He is a fraction of the man he was. She has super sloppy seconds; crumbs really.

Must be just awful to start a marriage on an affair. The story of how they met is so very sordid. His family knows it. Friends know it.

I am leaving it to the universe which always autocorrects I find. I am living a great life. Each day I am thankful to be free of the craziness I was living. And it was crazy!!!


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: HaWho] #2883999
02/04/20 08:40 PM
02/04/20 08:40 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 308
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Wanted1 Offline
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Wanted1  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 308
Originally Posted by HaWho
Interesting conversation.

I wish my ex and I could do a better job of being warmer for the kids’ sake. He just married his OW in the same year we divorced. I wish he had not made his OW the stepmom to my kids but I think that will play out just the way it should. He does not bring her around me at all. He says it is to prevent “awkwardness.” There is no awkwardness on my part; I sleep with a very clear conscience. If I met her I am not sure what I would do. In the end I pity her. She is 38 and got with a married man when she was probably 35 or 36. There is a reason why she went for a married guy; she is broken.

He kept it all a secret, asked my kids to keep her secret from me, too! They married without my kids present. Sounds pretty isolating. I believe there are reasons they are not shining a light on their “love.”

I let my ex go a very long time ago. He is not the person he was. I had the luxury (insert sarcasm emoji) of living with him and watching him spiral for years. He is a fraction of the man he was. She has super sloppy seconds; crumbs really.

Must be just awful to start a marriage on an affair. The story of how they met is so very sordid. His family knows it. Friends know it.

I am leaving it to the universe which always autocorrects I find. I am living a great life. Each day I am thankful to be free of the craziness I was living. And it was crazy!!!


Sounds pretty similar other than to my knowledge my ex hasn't gotten remarried yet.

I'm simply waiting for the universe and/or karma to come for a visit, as well.

I agree that it's got to be awful to start any relationship on an affair. I don't think I, personally, could do it. I thought maybe be now it would die a natural death, but my ex's AP lives 4 hours away from here. They see each other on weekends and while any LDR has their own unique challenges, I can't help but wonder it helps in their situation. They don't have to face the public, so to speak, on a daily basis. We live in a very small town and thus everyone knows why we D. I don't think any of his friends or family probably know the truth about how their R started since they all live so far away. I'm pretty confident they don't share how they met! There is a reason they waited almost a year to "come out" on SM about their R.

I'm in a much better place not having to deal with the craziness on a daily basis and living in the shame and embarrassment of sticking with a serial cheating spouse. That has been a massive weight which has been lifted off of me. I just hope and pray that eventually he will be out of picture and I won't have to deal with him anymore. As I've said numerous times, I would be completely open and accepting to anyone else as long as they are good to my kids.


M: 34 W:34
D:7 D:6 S:3

M: 9.5 years T: 12

OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18
IHS begins
W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18
W files: 12/21/18
D Final: 2/25/19
Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Chris73] #2884008
02/04/20 08:46 PM
02/04/20 08:46 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,487
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Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,487
My ex and his wife have to get up everyday knowing what their marriage was based on.

That for me is a penance. My ex will never feel that guilt, but I do think his wife feels it. And it hits her harder knowing I’m a wonderful mom and woman, and not the person my ex most likely made me out to be that made it okay in her head to date a married man with a baby on the way

Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Ginger1] #2884057
02/05/20 01:25 AM
02/05/20 01:25 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
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DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My ex and his wife have to get up everyday knowing what their marriage was based on.

That for me is a penance. My ex will never feel that guilt, but I do think his wife feels it. And it hits her harder knowing I’m a wonderful mom and woman, and not the person my ex most likely made me out to be that made it okay in her head to date a married man with a baby on the way

Ginger you are a poster child on how to handle situations like this. You are putting your D s needs far ahead of your own and doing what is in her best interest even if it’s hard on you. You should be so very proud of yourself. You are truly a role model for how to handle things the best way for a child. Oh sure you could make a stand or try to make them pay but the real loser would be your child. Instead she is the real winner. I know I’m hard on you with some actions as I am with anyone but in this case you are really a role model.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Chris73] #2884248
02/06/20 04:58 AM
02/06/20 04:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,710
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Could not agree with you more DonH. You should be really proud Ginger. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Moved over from Newcomers... [Re: Chris73] #2884263
02/06/20 12:20 PM
02/06/20 12:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,487
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Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2015
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Thank you both so very much. It’s the highest compliment I could receive

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