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Hi all, just checking in. It's been over 3 weeks now and we have had zero communication. No communication from her directly, nothing from any lawyers, just nothing.

I'll tell you my mind goes back and forth, some days I still wish she will just message that she made a huge mistake, but most of the time I just want to be done having to think about this and move on with my life. I just wish I knew what was going on, does our marriage just mean so little that she doesn't even care to properly end it and she just doesn't even think about it? Is she still keeping me on the back burner? Is she cooking up some crazy legal case (not sure what she could even do)? This limbo period is very tough.

I can't understand it from her point of view either, we have common friends, so as far as I know she is still seeing someone, still living with her mother, you would think after almost 7 months you would want to get your own life back on track, she has a nice payment coming to her if we complete this divorce. She could ride of into the sunset with the new guy so to say.

I've resisted reaching out to her for an update, do I continue that path? Do I hire a lawyer and just have her contacted by the lawyer? Do I just simply ask for her an update?

I will say most days I'm just fine, just was thinking this morning and decided to post and get some advice about reaching out, vs just continuing to leave it alone.

Thanks all!

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Hi jstrembr, I thought you had said you were ready for D ? If you’re ready, then just hire a lawyer.
Now if you’re not 100% sure and you still aim at R, don’t do anything, you could regret it later. Just wait for her to contact you.
I know it’s hard and personally I could not stand being in limbo like this for several months knowing that W is probably with another man.
But everyone is different and if you think there is still a chance that you might R, then don’t reach out to her and be patient.

As to the question why WAW jut wait like this for months without taking any step towards D, my XW acted the same and I never really understood why. Maybe the vets can give explanations.

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Hope you are taking care of yourself, and hear from you soon.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Jason88, thanks for the response. I work in a field that is highly involved in what is going on lately so I’ve been so busy this week it’s been easy for me to just put this whole situation with my wife on the back burner. Am I 100% sure I want a divorce? No, I can’t say that I am, but I agree the limbo period is very difficult. I think right now, I’m so focused on work, I will just keep that focus and see if I hear anything from her rather than pushing it any further.

So with your XW, did you have to make the move to make it final? I will say that is just so confusing to me, if someone wants out, won’t talk to me for an entire month, what is the point in not just ending it? So odd...

Sandi2, thank you for checking in! I’m doing well, just very busy these days, thank goodness I have the weekend to recharge a bit.

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Hi jstrembr, are you at work on a vaccine ? smile

Yes with my XW I did the first move. After she moved out, she sent me breadcrumbs for 6 months, but without showing any intention to work on R. At one point I felt I had enough and told her I wanted a D and she calmly said OK. In 6 months she had never pronounced the word D.
Who knows what would have happened had I waited. At least I think that D helped move on and gave me peace of mind.
I would be interested to know what Sandi2 has to say about WAW or WW who move out but don’t take any action towards D.

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Jason88,

Please start a thread of your own so that others can provide support and/or guidance to you. You are still on moderation and most likely will remain on moderation until you create a thread. I know, it's crazy, but we can't be too careful as to who posts on any of the forums.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Jason88, no vaccine from me unfortunately!

Hi all, I just need some advice on what others would do. I know I need to decide this for myself, but it's tough. You can see through my thread at one point I still love my wife, and then at the next point I am pushing her to finish this divorce.

So I heard through grapevine that she was still seeing the OM, but things weren't going very well anymore. I will say hearing that gave me hope that maybe she was going to reach out to me. That hope weakened my thoughts of wanting to push this divorce, so perhaps I'm not as ready as I thought? Well it's been a week since hearing that "news" and I found out she still saw the other man again.

I went back through my previous posts, and one thing I didn't mention is back when I was pushing her, the last thing she said was she was getting a lawyer, and to no longer speak to her directly. It's now been over 6 weeks and I have had zero communication with her.

I'm just so conflicted, frustrated, etc. Part of me just wants this to be done, and I want her to do the work to get it done. I just feel so disrespected that she has now left me in the dark for 6 weeks wondering what her next step is going to be. Part of me wishes I could just have my wife back and we could work on this marriage. Do I give up that chance because she turned into this other person, at some point she will realize she isn't happy, but will it be enough for her to change, or will she just look to the next person to try and fulfill her happiness? Also does it make me less of a man to take someone back that has disrespected me so much? I struggle with that feeling a lot too.

Then I struggle with hiring a lawyer, I'll be honest, I'm cheap and I don't want to spend the money. I find it just wasteful because we already had agreed to everything and our state makes it quite easy to file an uncontested divorce, especially with no children involved. So I struggle with another choice, do I just go ahead and hire a lawyer so that she can see how serious this and we finally get some closure, or do I try just reaching out to her directly once more to see where she is at?

Or do I just continue to try to be patient, because obviously I don't really want this divorce, but I want this pain to be over so I can move on.

Anyway, I know at the end of the day I need to make all these decisions for myself, but I would certainly appreciate any advice!

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Well after 6 weeks I finally get a message...

Nothing about the divorce, just her telling me she hopes my family and I are doing ok during these tough times, and then her telling me she isn’t working anymore due to the virus and would like help with the bills.

Now keep in mind she hasn’t lived in our house for about 6 months, but for some reason she kept paying some of the bills.

Her message started with her saying, she knows we agreed not to speak, which is totally false, she told me she was getting a lawyer and to not talk to her anymore, we didn’t agree to anything.

Anyway, thinking of just responding something along the lines, “We didn’t agree to anything, you told me not to speak to you. What’s going on with our divorce papers?” And leaving it at that.

Thoughts?

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J,

How about

I hope you and your family are well too. I am sorry to hear you’re not working anymore. Just mail me a check for the bills.

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Originally Posted by LH19
J,

How about

I hope you and your family are well too. I am sorry to hear you’re not working anymore. Just mail me a check for the bills.


Thank you LH, so what is your thinking in that message? It seems to kind smile

I mean she doesn't live at our house anymore, I never expected her to keep paying them, but she did, so I wasn't going to go out of my way to turn it down either.

Also I want to clear up something I said in a previous post, I don't want a divorce, but I'm not sure I have any other choice at this point. It's so disappointing to finally get a message after 6 weeks, and have it be something so non-relevant. I'd rather it just be her finalizing the divorce, or the message where she is willing to do whatever it takes to fix our marriage (don't think that is happening though). Since I don't see that second thing happening, I might as well keep pushing for the divorce so I can get out of limbo land.

That's why I thought to basically just ignore it and use this as a chance to get an update on what is going on with our divorce...

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