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A Message from Michele
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Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881156
01/17/20 06:32 PM
01/17/20 06:32 PM
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OS2 Offline OP
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Thanks both that makes sense. Said I can see why she might feel like that but Iím just busy.

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881166
01/17/20 07:00 PM
01/17/20 07:00 PM
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OS2 Offline OP
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W has booked in our shared calendar to see me tomorrow night (which weíve agreed but delayed from today) and to cook me a meal Sun.

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881182
01/17/20 08:13 PM
01/17/20 08:13 PM
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mtb1981 Offline
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So your WW makes plans for you in a shared calendar and you just jump up to meet her? That's not how DB'ing works. I would quit looking at that calendar at all, unless it has something pertaining to dealing with kids (which I don't think the 2 of you have if I remember correctly). I would also be busy Sunday night with some GAL activities...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Re: Help with WW [Re: mtb1981] #2881212
01/18/20 12:18 AM
01/18/20 12:18 AM
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Steve85 Online
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Originally Posted by mtb1981
So your WW makes plans for you in a shared calendar and you just jump up to meet her? That's not how DB'ing works. I would quit looking at that calendar at all, unless it has something pertaining to dealing with kids (which I don't think the 2 of you have if I remember correctly). I would also be busy Sunday night with some GAL activities...


OS2, you need to listen to my. Dude is a DBing ninja he had the most wayward if WWs, and DB'd his head off. She tried to keep him attached like crazy, but he wasn't having it.

His advice is money because humans want what they can't have. So make her want you by not letting her have you.


M(50), W(51),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881242
01/18/20 10:34 AM
01/18/20 10:34 AM
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OS2 Offline OP
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Thanks guys. Tonight was agreed to so Iíll honour that but I am detached. Tomorrow Iím busy and she is out of luck. I go away next week and I predict she might move back in while Iím away. Should I tell her thatís not a good idea until weíre in a better place? Or let her move back in and take it slow?

Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881244
01/18/20 11:37 AM
01/18/20 11:37 AM
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Steve85 Online
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Originally Posted by OS2
Thanks guys. Tonight was agreed to so Iíll honour that but I am detached. Tomorrow Iím busy and she is out of luck. I go away next week and I predict she might move back in while Iím away. Should I tell her thatís not a good idea until weíre in a better place? Or let her move back in and take it slow?


You'll get varying opinions on this. I'm off the opinion you let her move back in, but you don't attach any significance or expectations to it. And you still DB. Even more so than before.


M(50), W(51),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881246
01/18/20 11:51 AM
01/18/20 11:51 AM
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OS2 Offline OP
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W says she needs to talk to me tonight about something serious. She says Iím ignoring her and thatís frustrating her. She says I was asking to work at it but now am distant and not communicating well.

She phoned me presumably because she wasnít getting as much on message as usual.

Last edited by OS2; 01/18/20 11:52 AM.
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881254
01/18/20 12:46 PM
01/18/20 12:46 PM
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Steve85 Online
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OS, practice: "Been really busy, haven't been ignoring you." Then listen and validate.

I think I figured her out. She doesn't really like living at Mom and Dad's. She's afraid to lose you as plan B so she can move back.

Really study listening and validating.


M(50), W(51),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Help with WW [Re: OS2] #2881257
01/18/20 01:47 PM
01/18/20 01:47 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,215
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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Missouruh
She ain't back. Play it real cool. Stick to your plans for tonight


H 33
W 28
BD 3/12/18

Married 3 years
Together 7 years

Working on the R and on me - Spring 19
Re: Help with WW [Re: Steve85] #2881261
01/18/20 03:12 PM
01/18/20 03:12 PM
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OS2 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
I think I figured her out. She doesn't really like living at Mom and Dad's. She's afraid to lose you as plan B so she can move back.


Well judged, that is definitely a factor. But sheís said several times when she comes back sheís all in (will believe that when I see it) and wouldnít leave again so would be a big move. I saw she went out last night (by location). I suspect it was with OM but no evidence either way. She is supposed to have ended all comm with him so I wonder if thatís what sheís going to tell me. Of course I wonít ask where she was/what she was doing but that would be a big issue if sheís going back on the little thing sheís done so far. Now Iím GAL etc I feel a bit more distant from the situation and I think itís starting to properly sink in how terrible and selfish her behaviour has been.

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