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As per my last thread, I got very weak and texted M. I wished him and his family a merry Christmas as I know they have had a challenging year. I told him I think of his family and especially his son, very often and I wish them peace and love.
He did reply back wishing D12,me, and the dog a merry Christmas as well. I sent him a picture of the dog. And that was it.
I have been thinking of doing that and I donít know why. And I did it. But god, Iím hurting so bad. A year ago I realized I was in love with him, celebrating Christmas with him and his family.
I deserve a big butt kicking it was dumb. Im in pain.
But I think it might have been a step towards closure .
I do miss them very much. More his son and family. But him too.
Kick my butt my now, I deserve it.
Thank you Jon, I wish the same to you and your family
Last edited by job; 12/25/1912:09 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
You donít miss him - he was an arse. You miss the companionship, and the IDEA of him that you tried to wish into being.
And now of course you feel stupid because that tiny part of you hoped when you reached out that he would respond as if heíd been pining for you. (We all think that). But the reality is no, he didnít , and the whole exchange meant less to him than it did to you.
You are both very right. I certainly beat myself up enough. Iím not going to. Iím just going to move on from it.
I expected him not to answer, which I think would have been better. The exchange meant much less to him than it did to me. Which was pretty much the reality of our relationship And why it ended. I thought the original reason I did it, ( because this wasnít impulsive, Iíve been considering it for a while now. In some weird way, it felt like it was going to be some SOS to his son and family. That I miss them and care for them .
Its time to finish off the grieving and move on. He doesnít think twice about us, and his family will just love the next girlfriend who comes along.
Itís weird. The way I work is I cannot fathom throwing so many memories away and just turning off the love youíve had for someone. I canít seem to do it very well. When someone like that comes into my life it just means so much to me. And I canít write off so easily things that mean so much to me. Others sure can. My ex H did. ExNG didnít so much. I know this kind of for a fact. He was with someone else but his heart was still with me for a while. M managed toss me aside very easily.
I think I might finally have the closure I wed. I did need to close this out somehow and it wasnít going to be the way I really wanted to. I shall settle for this.
Iím going to move on . New beginnings with hopeful happy endings.
I managed to fool myself that I didnít have expectations. The only one I honestly had was of him not answering.
He actually replied to me not long ago, which would be the time he dropped off his son. I havenít replied back.
Anyways, the good stuff. D12 loves everyone of her gifts. She couldnít have been more thrilled, more excited, and more happy. I did pretty good myself. I got the new laptop/notebook I wanted, and alexa echo, the screen one. A gift certificate for an hour massage, and $500 cash which I really didnít expect. They wanted to help me out.
And in more good news, I got a guy coming to fix my status and walkway for $300 vs $2500. Iím pretty stoked about that. I dropped D12 off at her dads and he came out and wished me a merry Christmas and asked if I liked the pug shirt from my D. I told him I did. OWW and I always throw in an edible gift for each other.
Going to dinner soon. Honestly, Iím sick of eating. My body is saying ďno more!Ē I never thought that day would come. Iím going to listen to it after dinner tonight, lol