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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by Drh2001
We signed the agreement at the beginning of the year. It does allow dating but not bringing dates back to the house.


Oh OK, so this is an in-house separation agreement. I thought the two of you were living apart. I can certainly understand stipulating that you can't bring a date home, and wow, that's pretty crazy that she wants to. Seems that you are dealing with a full-blown wayward who could go GGW at any moment. You may be in for a very rough ride ahead.

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I'm going to stay out of her way - as it is I avoid being in the same room as her.


Good, keep that up.

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I can't control her behavior but I can only control my actions which are difficult when she is having "buyers remorse" over a document that she agreed and signed with me


WW's often behave like rebellious teens. You set boundaries and they immediately test them. You make agreements and they agree, then ignore and break them. So you've got to ask yourself what your end game is. How are you going to deal with this mess? The way I see it you have two options- 1. continue the in-house separation and treat her as nothing more than a roommate. Do this and you risk you and (worse) your kids being exposed to all kinds of awful behavior. 2. file for divorce and sell the house. There really isn't any in-between scenario, you simply can't negotiate with her because it's like negotiating with a terrorist. You can negotiate all you want but at the end of the day she is going to continue her reign of terror regardless, and it just makes you look weak and powerless to her.

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She told me a few months ago "I'm a single woman."


I would be inclined to grant her wish.




Thankyou AnotherStander for your advice. Certainly a lot to consider. She is completely crazy. I'm going to get legal advice and consider my options.




Originally Posted by LH19
Good!

If you want to turn this around she has to respect you and for that to happen you need to first love and respect yourself.


It's going to be a marathon trying to do this. I'm willing to do the work.

Last edited by Cadet; 02/05/20 02:34 PM. Reason: combine posts
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Good luck! We are here for you.

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Originally Posted by Drh2001
It's going to be a marathon trying to do this. I'm willing to do the work.

Slow down Drh. You are hanging on so tight, it is causing your emotions to roller coaster. You want to be even keel.

It is going to be a marathon. I'm sure you have heard the safety briefing before a flight departs?

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Should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, stay calm and listen for instructions from the cabin crew. Oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat. Place the mask over your mouth and nose. Pull the strap to tighten it. If you are traveling with children, make sure that your own mask is on first before helping your children.

The same idea applies here. You have to secure your oxygen first. Like you mentioned above, you are willing to do the work. You will discover there are no short cut to the other side of this $hit hole. Only through it. Get busy getting that oxygen mask on.

That means, learn how to be patient, detach, gain confidence, etc. Essentially become a master of self-improvement. Like anything else worth having, it takes time, and a lot of effort. You will stumble along the way. Not a big deal. Rise up, dust yourself off and keep going.

Last, hell no can she bring OM into your shared residence.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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WW told me she has a dating profile and it's getting lots of attention. She insists on telling me the details because she doesn't want to be lying and deceitful about her comings and goings.

I told her I don't want to know and it's disrespectful of her to talk to me like this.

Suggestions?

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I think you responded well. Hopefully you don't have the convo again.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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I have a question for the forum.

When a WW is cheating does she feel any guilt for hiding her activities from her children and husband? Does she know what she is doing is wrong? Or does she find ways to justify her continued betrayals.

Last edited by Drh2001; 01/22/20 07:17 PM.
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Originally Posted by Drh2001
When a WW is cheating does she feel any guilt for hiding her activities from her children and husband? Does she know what she is doing is wrong? Or does she find ways to justify her continued betrayals.


Yes, yes and yes.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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D,

In her defense she’s not hiding it. You agreed to an open marriage.

LH19 #2881892 01/22/20 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
D,

In her defense she’s not hiding it. You agreed to an open marriage.


I have no intention of seeing anyone else. She wanted the freedom to. I didn't feel I had much of an option as she was making threats of D and selling the house which would devastate both my kids. It's an in-house separation.

I should add that the intention of this in-house separation is for her to eventually buy out my share of the house and for me to have 50/50 joint custody of the kids.

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D,

Reading your response really fuching chaps my hide.

YES willing sharing your W with other Men is an open marriage. You’re allowing someone else in. Hence the term open. It’s despicable. She’s going to find someone else who’s stronger and not willing to share her and D you anyways so you mine as well drop your testicles and tell her no way this is happening and let the chips fall where they lie.

Sorry this is harsh but come on man!

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