Glad things seem to be going ok in the court proceedings. I wonder, as you look back now, do you see any signs that she wasn’t quite who you thought she was earlier in the marriage?
Not to rewrite history, but I came to understand after my divorce that my ex was a narcissist. It just wasn’t obvious to me earlier in the marriage because as long as I was accommodating to his wishes and made him look good everything seemed good.
life is sounding good Kind18! I'm happy for you. Indeed we get stronger and things get better. I think the 12 month mark is right for me as well. There is so much life to live to be stuck entangled with someone unworthy.
BD: Sep 2019 H moved out: Oct 2019 3 kids under 12
I wonder, as you look back now, do you see any signs that she wasn’t quite who you thought she was earlier in the marriage?
Yes, yes I do.
I used to feel sorry for her. Somehow, she had came from a string (20+) of terrible relationships, where the guy was always a douchebag. She could never seem to get a break, and had weird and wonderful stories about how she had been a victim so many times. Bouts of anorexia, depression and unresolved mental health issues from teenage years with on and off medication.
Enter me. Strong, stable, fixer, good income... and things moved very quickly. I have no doubt she lined me up as a baby-daddy as her clock started ticking early thirties.
Now I look back and realise she wasn’t a victim at all. The string of bad relationships was her fault. Her mental health issues always remained bubbling under the surface, unresolved. They simply simmered away gathering momentum. I was the only guy who actually put up with her crap and kept her on the rails enough to have a marriage and kids.
And as she rounded the corner and hit peri-menopause, those unresolved issues exploded into MLC and subsequently the world’s most acrimonious divorce.
I think the thing she ended up resenting me for the most was that I made her see things about herself that she had run from and hidden her whole life. But she’s completely beyond ever being able to have that level of insight to herself.
I had a huge case of NGS. I used to think I was the luckiest guy in the world and that I’d managed to save her from a world full of arsehole guys. Now I look back and realise I was the only one prepared to put up with her s***.
Anyway, that’s far too much talk about her problems - which are no longer mine to fix or manage!
Good for you! You might want to pay a visit to our friend Andrew in the Surviving the Big D forum. His case of NGS has gotten him mixed up with a hoarder in a post-D relationship. Key for you going forward will be to watch for the red flags and avoid repeating a pattern.
Good job on the sweat equity btw. It’ll benefit your kids. And your skills will be even better for your next home!