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AndrewP #2876778 12/19/19 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by AndrewP

I'll be glad to have this behind me. Annoying how she just shed so much of her past life like a snake shedding it's skin leaving me to deal with the mess.

Amen..
AMEN.
Amen, Amen AMEN!!!!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
AndrewP #2876779 12/19/19 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
GRRRR

Yet again there is a Christmas card from a former bestie of my ex addressed to Mr & Mrs P

Each prior year, because I am a decent guy, I've arranged for the card to get forwarded to my ex and never opened it. The assumption being that a correct address would be sent over. I also figured that she was in many ways entitled to her own narrative with this friend.

I had noticed that the last couple of times that I "happened past" my ex's apartment that her car wasn't there at a time when it could e expected to be. So perhaps she's moved. No clue. So forwarding the card isn't feasible. S25 saw the envelope and the card is out. If he wants to pass it along he can. None of my business. And not my job to be her public relations.

Opened the card this year. A nice and thoughtful note is inside. The plan is to send a card back with a nice note letting friend know that her friend hasn't lived here for a while, that I have no forwarding address and wishing her ever Merry Christmas and thanking her for the card.

This is the final person who needs to be told. I'll be glad to have this behind me. Annoying how she just shed so much of her past life like a snake shedding it's skin leaving me to deal with the mess.


Odds are pretty good she’s one of those card senders who prints up a list, sends one to everyone on that address list and it’s no mind to who she is sending it to. Most don’t pay attention to others divorces and just ship out a card. They don’t go in and modify their list for that.

You see it, toss it, done. Don’t give it too much mental energy. The to forward the card to your ex is too much. The effort to inform of divorce, too much. Just toss the card.

AndrewP #2876781 12/19/19 01:02 PM
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I wouldn’t give the card a second thought and chuck it in the bin.

AndrewP #2876784 12/19/19 01:11 PM
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I think one of the greatest gifts I have and also something I’ve worked towards is not giving things the energy they don’t deserve anymore. I am just so mindful of the fact I don’t have much energy left to give and I deserve it more than anything.

The stuff I used to look at as such an annoyance has become so petty to me.

I used to be so laid back. Years in with me ex and that went away. Right after the divorce it really went away and I was crazed ( having your husband leave you and a new baby will do that to you)

Now one of the greatest compliments I get is how I don’t get frazzled anymore and I let pretty much everything roll of my back. I’ve come full circle.

Take the little things and the things that no longer matter and let them rollllllllll

AndrewP #2876789 12/19/19 02:36 PM
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I came across this fantastic recipe that’s perfect for the holidays. It’s not an LBS recipe, but it is super nutritious and heart healthy. And, it includes all three Canadian macronutrient groups, carbohydrate, fat, and poutine. It's the superfood of 2019.

DESSERT POUTINE

Ingredients:

Caramel sauce (gravy)
• 1/4 cup (60 ml) water
• 1 1/2 cups (375 ml) sugar
• 3 tablespoons (45 ml) corn syrup
• 1 cup (250 ml) 35% cream
• 3/4 cup (180 ml) semi-salted butter, cut into cubes

Churros (fries)
• 1 3/4 cups (430 ml) milk
• 1 cup (250 ml) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 1/2 teaspoon (2.5 ml) salt
• 1 1/4 cups (310 ml) unbleached all-purpose flour
• 5 eggs
• Vegetable oil for deep-frying
• 1/2 cup (125 ml) sugar
• 2 tablespoons (30 ml) ground cinnamon

Mock cheese curds
• Large marshmallows, torn into pieces


Preparation:

Caramel sauce (gravy)
1. In a saucepan over medium heat, bring the water, sugar and corn syrup to a boil. Using a wet pastry brush, wash down any sugar crystals from the sides of the pan. Cook without stirring until the mixture turns golden.
2. Remove from the heat and add the cream gradually while stirring. Continue cooking over low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture is smooth.
3. Whisk in the butter until the sauce is smooth. Let cool.

Churros (fries)
1. Preheat the oil in the deep fryer to 190°C (375°F). Line a baking sheet with paper towels or set a cooling rack on it.
2. In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, bring the milk to a boil with the butter and salt. Remove from the heat. Add the flour all at once and stir vigorously with a wooden spoon until the dough forms a smooth ball.
3. Return the saucepan to the burner over low heat and stir until the dough pulls away from the sides of the saucepan, about 2 minutes.
4. Remove from the heat and let cool for a few minutes. Add the eggs 1 at a time. After each addition, beat vigorously with a wooden spoon or electric mixer until the dough is smooth.
5. Using a pastry bag fitted with a 1/2-cm (1/4-inch) star tip, pipe 15-cm (6-inch) ribbons one at a time into the deep fryer. Fry about 8 crullers at a time, turning them halfway through cooking, until golden, 4 to 5 minutes. Drain on the baking sheet.
6. In a deep stainless steel mixing bowl, combine the sugar and cinnamon.
7. Dip the hot churros into the sugar mixture. Shake the bowl to coat well and shake off the excess sugar. Set churros aside on a baking sheet preheated to 100°C (212°F).
8. Repeat with the remaining dough.

Assembly:

Pile the crullers in 8 bowls, drizzle with sauce and sprinkle with marshmallow pieces. Serve warm.


From an article in The New Yorker:
On a recent trip to Montreal, a city that is to poutine what Baltimore is to crab cakes, I asked a young woman I’d met there named Emily Birnbaum why poutine often struck people as funny. “Because it’s so gross,” she said. “After you finish a poutine, you say, ‘I can’t believe I ate that.’ ” It almost goes without saying that she was eating poutine as we spoke. So was I.

AndrewP #2876798 12/19/19 03:17 PM
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Doodler, THAT is a poutine recipe I could totally dig into. wink

Andrew, you are such a sweet, gentle, kind-hearted man and that is one of the most attractive things about you. You truly are just a genuinely caring person and that is a GREAT quality. I agree with what others before me have said about the Christmas card, though. If these people are not really your friends, throw it away and quit worrying about it. It is not on you to explain your situation to them and it is not on you to forward it to your XW. It is on HER to keep HER friends posted on HER life and if she doesn't, well that should be a pretty loud message as to how close these people really are to her and that message is not very. You have enough on your plate right now without worrying about keeping up appearances for her and her friends. If she truly cared about these people, she would realize that she isn't receiving cards from them like normal and she would reach out. Clearly she hasn't or we wouldn't be commenting on it now. As far as S25 seeing it and passing it on if he chooses...STOP trying to put him in the middle. I don't think you are even consciously aware that you do that, but it is like the paper towel holder or whatever it was that you said you left for him to give to her if he chose to because it was something someone in her family had given as a gift.....he's an adult and he doesn't need to act as go-between and if I was in his position and I happened to see the card, I wouldn't even comment on it, much less pick it up and carry it to the other party. I have said this to you before, but buddy, you need to channel your inner Elsa and "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Worry about S and her brood. You have your hands full there, in more ways than 1 it would seem, in light of your need for bedroom furniture repair.;)


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
doodler #2876809 12/19/19 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
[Nope. He was having an affair. With someone he met at the Senior Center. Playing Cards. I can't make this $h!t up.
It is astounding to me how many people in their senior years have affairs. And here I'm somewhat surprised that all the plumbing works at 55. Good thing that I rarely play cards. Didn't they used to charge "sin taxes" on those cardboard messengers from the netherworld?

Originally Posted by doodler
I came across this fantastic recipe that’s perfect for the holidays. It’s not an LBS recipe, but it is super nutritious and heart healthy. And, it includes all three Canadian macronutrient groups, carbohydrate, fat, and poutine. It's the superfood of 2019.
Hmmmm - Never attempted to make churros although I do enjoy them. This would be nice. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if I can find a gluten free recipe. Thanks doodler. Are you sure we're not related? We do tend to think similarly. I was figuring that we would be swapping actual recipes here.

Thanks all for your input. I think Dawn hit it best.

Wrote up the return card this morning. This couple I considered friends too. I just was allowing my ex - who I knew them through - to control the narrative - which she didn't. On the other hand, it was always me that sent out the Christmas and birthday cards etc. Expecting anything from her is very much one of those tunnels that have no cheese curds. This is a very thoughtful friend who takes the time to write personal notes on each card. The narrative is mine to speak. I didn't say anything though other than that she left in 2016 and that S25 and I are doing the bachelor lifestyle.

Well - lazy snowy day here. S didn't get out to talk to her STBX nor her other errands yesterday due to unsafe road conditions through the middle of the day. S25 had the driveway cleared of the nearly 1 foot of snow we got through the day by the time I got home. I heard from my son-in-law this morning and he seems in good spirits. D27 recently chastised me in a rather impersonal message for violating OPSEC by repeating non-official sources so I won't pass on anything here. In our "family chat" though, I did send a picture of S and I together along with a suggestion that a call is in order as the news is stacking up.

Have a great day all - those in snowier climes, have something warm and sustaining on your menu. I'm thinking tomato soup and maybe grilled cheese for lunch here.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2876832 12/19/19 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Thanks doodler. Are you sure we're not related? We do tend to think similarly. I was figuring that we would be swapping actual recipes here.

I don't think we're related. I don't like dry humor.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
Expecting anything from her is very much one of those tunnels that have no cheese curds.

You can't even be certain that they're curds.

AndrewP #2877131 12/22/19 03:47 PM
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And now the news.

S25 has 2 job interviews coming up. He was supposed to go to one last Friday but his car - without snow tires - nearly went in to the ditch so he re-scheduled. His snow tires will go on this Friday. He has an interview on Monday but the weather has warmed and the roads should be fine. The other interview is just after the New Year.

There is an opening at one of our plants but he never applied. I found the info, passed it on and as far as I'm concerned it's out of my hands. I'm very happy that he's stirring himself. I think he's now hit the point where he is motivated to make changes. He had a vision board in his room with goals a while ago. It was updated a little while ago where he's logging his progress on a virtual bicycle ride from Ottawa to here using the exercise bike.

Company Christmas party on Wednesday. I ran in to my now retired boss there. Sheesh - talk about shark eyes. He and I haven't gotten along for years but covered it in a slightly cracked veneer of professionalism and friendly communication. I was cheerful and chatted with him for a bit with a careful eye out for knives. I did have a chat with my new boss the COO later in the day sorting out my commuting schedule. I've known him since he was a mid-level manager and we get along fine. He is pretty much cool with whatever I come up with and emphasized that I need to assist one of the company presidents as much as I could. The one whose plant is a moderate commute away and who I've already been working on supporting as much as I can.

Somewhat momentous day relationship wise yesterday. The new Star Wars movie is out and I got tickets online for it earlier in the week and S, S12, S17 and I planned on going. I had a haircut before noon and picked up S later. My original plans to get a bunch of stuff done around my house went a bit sideways as it turned out that the boys needed to do their Christmas shopping still so we left mid-afternoon in my car, did the shoppings, had dinner at Wendy's (I had the chili - haven't had that in years) and then the movie.

While shopping, it just naturally turned out that I kept an eye on S12 who was a bit hyper, but generally a good kid and S stayed with S17. The divide and conquer approach I was used to as a father of 2. It just seemed natural and everyone seemed comfortable with it. S17 did ask at dinner who paid and made a point of thanking me. S17 thought it hilarious when I suggested that if his Dad didn't like the gift he picked out that he would just blame me for the choice.

After the movie, S12 wanted to play some of the games at the theatre and we had some tokens we'd found some months ago and I'd kept aside - he went through those and a few more that his mother funded. S17 was looking very uncomfortable so I asked S if he maybe wanted to sit in the car while his brother finished up. She agreed, asked him, S17 looked very relieved and took me up on the offer. He has high anxiety so I was glad that my idea to allow him to go to a quiet place was a good one. I did feel that it was important that it went through S though as I'm not the dad. But that doesn't mean I can't help.

The car ride home was filled with loud complaints by S17 on how horrible the movie was with detailed arguments on how Disney has ruined the franchise and bringing of obscure references to the canon on the story line. He obviously had had a fabulous time (I'm being serious here). S12 who is also a huge fan of the franchise and S and I all contributed to the discussion.

S was very disappointed that I chose to not stay over last night. I'm sure the boys would have been ok with that. My excuse that packing my CPAP machine is a nuisance was quickly punctured as being bogus. The more real one that I wasn't comfortable with the boys being there was posited. The other one which S, I don't think would have gotten as well was that she had a huge amount of things to still do for Christmas, I have a bunch of things to do and if I stayed over, none of it would have gotten done.

S17 I think approves of me as when S and I were good-nighting, he would dash over with his plastic light saber and a big smile, poke at his mother telling us to knock it off and then dash away. He also suggested that he would be more than happy if she and his younger brother went back to my place leaving him in the apartment.

S mentioned that a couple of the kids' friends who have now met me highly approve too and she mused that she must have been noticed to make some really bad choices in the past.

One thing that bothered me a bit and I mentioned it to her, is the occasional comparison to her past relationships. The other day she mentioned that she sleeps better next to me than she ever did with anyone else. Yesterday I had her assist me in picking out the pain and allergy over the counter meds that she uses and she commented that nobody had ever had such consideration for her, which I regard as perfectly natural. She just seemed to be flabbergasted that someone would be considerate of her needs. The woman has some severe allergies and pain issues - "of course" I'll make sure to have the remedies on hand.

My barber, a bit against my will, made a point of bringing up an ex boyfriend of S's again who is also a customer of his. The guy certainly is no prize. A decent enough job but a chain smoker and heavy drinker who recently moved in to a room above the strip club he spends most of his time at these days. S dated him for about 6 months and the barber confirmed that it was well over a year ago. It ended rather badly. The barber is very sure that the guy can be quite the jerk especially when drinking which he does all the time.

In conversations we've had it would come out that S has a history of wanting to keep even bad relationships working and would try again and again. It came out in passing that she and XH#2 broke up when she was pregnant with D18, they got back together, S17, broke up, tried again, S12 and then ended it for good. This seems to be the case with most of her past relationship - where she just keeps trying. In many ways I treat this as a positive in that when bumps in the road are encountered she'll not cut and run. Having B pack it in without a backwards glance certainly wasn't fun.

I sort of wonder if we're not moving in to a "more real" phase where S has discovered that I'm not running away, that while flawed in some ways am a reasonably decent guy. One who doesn't hesitate to laugh at himself nor to just automatically lend a hand when one is needed.

Well - breakfast is done (mushroom omelette, sausages and steamed spinach). The wee birds have been emptying my feeder and providing me with entertainment out the kitchen window. My cat Amy is keeping all the papers on my desk safe. S will be coming over later when she is to a point where she has what needs to be done at her place for Christmas done. I suspect she's still asleep at 10:30 - we were out rather late and she was going to some of her Christmas baking. I gave her her present yesterday and let her know that there was nothing embarrassing in it so I expect she'll wait and open it Christmas morning. We're going to pop in to a neighbour's open house later this afternoon. Shortly I'll be putting my roast of beef in the slow cooker for Sunday Supper. I have no idea how many people I'll be feeding

My own Christmas wrapping needs to be done, much house cleaning is needed along with my ironing. I'll probably pop "in to town" shortly and pick up a couple of last minute items.

It's been a "lot" more busy these days making space for S. Certainly worth it, but I will be glad when Christmas is over and I can hopefully slow down some more. The fact that S essentially has 100% custody right now because XH#2 still doesn't have a car adds a layer of complexity. We both expect that he'll get a car in the new year

A bien tot mes amis.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2877198 12/23/19 07:25 AM
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bonne nuit A


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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