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He can't force her to leave, no. But he can MOST DEFINITELY tell her she is not welcome, and that he WANTS her out, and he is in no way required to make her feel welcome there or make things easy on her.

Go dark. Cordial but Curt. No unnecessary communication.

Do not touch her in any way. If she touches or hits you, mAke sure you are recording stuff.

Just because you can't legally "force" her to leave doesn't mean you can't conduct yoursrlf in a completely legal manner that will achieve the same result. It's about commanding respect. At any rate, in bb's case, it sounds like she's already gotten the message.

And, fwiw, if there are children because involved I think there may very well be some jurisdictions that have provision for requiring an adulterous spouse to leave. For specifics, though, you should really consult a lawyer (I am one, but only licensed in DC and VA (and occasionally pro hac vice in Indiana)


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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phnix Offline OP
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[/quote]
You legally can't kick a spouse of the house. You just can't. There might be legal consequences to doing so. I would advise against this action unless you've spoken to an attorney. I know many will disagree and say it's taking your bal$$ back but your W will never see it this way.

And before everyone jumps all over me. I'm not saying that he shouldn't be strong or take action against his wife. [/quote]

I can not and will not throw her things out. I know this would be wrong, however I have asked her to leave in light of her meeting up and being intimate with him. I feel like this is the right thing for her to do. I am not trying to be vindictive but I do feel like I shouldn’t have to move out and that just adds to the pain and suffering already endured up to this point. I would think most people would agree. If you cheat-lie-deceive, you should be the one to move out. At least the kids and the BS are protected from these lies and deception.

Of course she doesn’t have to leave and she knows this already. She can continue living in another room. As far as the MB goes, she is not allowed to be in this room. I have been forgiving and she admitted last night that she can’t stop talking to him. If she isn’t here then I don’t have to worry about where or what she is doing when she leaves or if she is on her phone. I also get to see my boys everyday and spend time with them.
Merry Christmas!!!

Last edited by bballer1; 12/25/19 06:40 AM.
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Hey BB. Sorry again to see you going through this at Christmas.

I'ma throw one more thing out there,came it is this: You need to go as dark to her as you possibly can right now, while simultaneously GALing like mad and living a good life for you and your boys. Idk if you would ever be able to forgive and take your W back under the circumstances, but I DO know that the ONLY hope for you ever getting that opportunity is to completely cut the cord and drop the rope with her. Right now she is in limerance with OM, and living the fantasy of secret exciting rendezvous and the running around and cheating. Most affairs eventually die once the reality of the situation sets in: which is they have left a good, stable, supportive, trustworthy spouse to go shack up with someone who, by pretty much any definition, is a lowlife. The reality never lives up to the fantasy. But thing is, YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM SEE THIS! They have to find out on their own that the fantasy is a lie, and they have to feel the sting of loss. Right now, your W has experienced neither. At this point, I truly believe that yours, if she is ever to come back, needs to be separated from you. And that won't happen as long as she is in your house, having MR talks with you (or any talks for that matter), and playing family with you on holidays with the kids.

Infidelity and divorce is NOT an exciting fantasy... The actuality of it is deceit, and pain, and broken homes, and shattered lives... and she is going to need to see this for herself... Experience it... Before it will sink in with her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, man. Merry Christmas... Make sure you spend as much quality time with your kids as you can.


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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I'd say change your handle ASAP, to somethiing like "White Mamba". Disregard any advice that tells you to throw your W out of the house, as it will only land you in hot water. You do not need more trouble on your plate.

Will she have remorse? She probably will. Does it matter right now? No. IT took my ex 4 yrs to apologize to me and to say that she still loves me, but she is still dating some other dude. I don't care. He's an ok dude and he was not the OM at the time, so I have no problem with him.

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Originally Posted by hoosjim


Infidelity and divorce is NOT an exciting fantasy... The actuality of it is deceit, and pain, and broken homes, and shattered lives... and she is going to need to see this for herself... Experience it... Before it will sink in with her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, man. Merry Christmas... Make sure you spend as much quality time with your kids as you can.

Her father will not allow her to move in with them. She has nowhere to go. I don’t see her moving out. If I move out then that shows weakness on my part and I spend less time with my sons. Not to mention that when and if I spend time with them she may have him in my house I’m which I’m still paying the mortgage. I told her she needs to move out. If we continue drown this path then eventually I may snap and harm the OM.

She is so wayward all she can see is what is happening in the present moment. She hasn’t planned to move out, to separate our finances, hasn’t thought about kids. All she can see is the fantasy. The fact that she wants to be single, experience this high and thrill everyday, she wants to travel etc.... All of this I believe are promises from the OM.

I had someone coming to look at the house this morning and she adamant about not having it done. Well my son is sick and she decided to spend the weekend in another town with her friend. So I’ve got my son and taking care of him while he is sick. This week has been very exhausting with the information I have found out and the fact that she would leave for the weekend. Oh and it’s his weekend to have the kids so that seems to work in her favor.

Not sure about moving forward but I need her out the house so I can begin to move forward and heal.

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Sorry Baller but round and round we go where it stops nobody knows.

B: W move out
W: I have no where to go
B: w move out
W: I have no where to go

Definition of insanity.

Protect yourself and protect your sons and file for divorce.

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phnix Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
Sorry Baller but round and round we go where it stops nobody knows.

B: W move out
W: I have no where to go
B: w move out
W: I have no where to go

Definition of insanity.

Protect yourself and protect your sons and file for divorce.


I'm thinking I need to probably not say very much as she may be reading my post. I've got a plan going forward and it will involve things getting more difficult for the both of us. Our finances are tied together, we have a mortgage, I am paying the medical insurance. She mentioned last night that I was wanting to be difficult because I wouldn't cancel the Real Estate agent appointment.

She thinks this will be easy or she wants the easy way out. She wants to sell the house with no advice from anyone. She wants an online divorce so it isn't out in the public etc... Once you file for divorce, local businesses get a notification fromt he court house of the filing. It's just not going to be easy. She is in a fantasy world. I realize this now. She doesn't have a clue. Everyone feels like she is a rebellious teenager. I just pray she doesn't get pregnant throughout all of this. It would be horrible for our sons.

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BB,

My advice is to stop telling her to move out. Your know her answer. She's doesn't have anywhere to go, so stay she will.

So, where do you go from here. You think you can't heal with her there, I'm here to tell you that the mind is a powerful thing, and the will-power of humans are amazing. I didn't separate from my WW, but I started to D her emotionally and started to heal while having her in the home and seeing her on a daily basis, I think it was one of the things that hit my WW hard, seeing me move forward in real time right in front of her. Was it hard: HELL YEAH. Is it doable: HELL YEAH. Stop trying to control your WW, telling her to move out is you trying to control her. Leave her be.

If you have something to tell her, ask yourself first, is this something I can control, if the answer is NO, leave it be.
If you have something you want her to do, key is WANT, find a way to do it yourself first.
If you have something you need her to do, find a way to do it yourself first, if you can't, approach in a very business like manner, I would recommend an email. That way you can structure it, look over it and have her answer document and written.

Lastly, I know it [censored] raising your boys by yourself, but I showed my WW, that I didn't need her for anything. When I had my boys, I didn't ask for a thing from her. If I struggled with something, I struggled. I made the best of it, and at the end of it all, my relationship with my boys grow so much more. They know I had their back, and I could care for them. By baby boy, start coming to me even when my WW was around, which didn't happen at all before BD. I think that really surprised my WW. She really got a chance to see my independence starting to develop. It was a key sign that I was learning to live without her in my life.

Your WW is wayward, she's lost and deep in fantasy land. She's has a lot of expectations in this fantasy. My WW was the same. She wanted me to move in an apartment and pay the mortgage and all the bills at our home. She was going to go to college to get a second degree, and a new job, and pay put our baby in daycare. Her and the OM also talked about living together. Guess what, that fantasy started to crack when we went to the daycare and they told her how much it would be, and then she started asking me to help pay. I told her, I wasn't paying for anything until I was obligated. All these things, she told me. I just looked at her, and said ok. I stopped contesting her ideas, thoughts, expressions, feelings, wants, needs, whatever she had going on. She wanted it all. One day I was doing it all. One day, I was begging and pleading, One day I talking to her about her feelings and relationship, and asking her she felt about me and OM. And then ONE DAY, I just STOPPED. I just said, I'm done. No more questions, no more begging, pleading, asking her anything.

Oh I really started validating. I stop contesting and started validating. And, when she would ask, "how do you feel", I would say I don't feel the same. And when she asked, "what do you think", I provided the raw truth.

You are doing great!!!!

Onward and forward

Joejoe


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Thanks "JJ",

I realized when my oldest son came to me and was suggesting another single woman I could date, really put it into perspective of how he feels about the situation. As for my youngest son he has gravitated more and more to me everyday. His fear is of us splitting up. He begged me this morning to not let the lady come look at the house. I felt badly for him as he doesn't want us to split up. He is an anxious child by nature. I mean he use to would "throw up" before basketball games. Divorce is going to really have an affect on him.

Through all of this she has been rebellious and very reckless. Like I said it is a wonder she hasn't got pregnant. Her response in the past was it will never happen and the chances are very slim at her age. She is lost, out of control, and living on the edge.

I am slowly trying to divorce her emotionally but she tries to keep the hook in me. Whether it be trying to hug me or slip into my bed, or coming into my room to try and be playful, or walking around the house flaunting her body for me to see.

I guess I will go straight to my room and lock the door. Unfortunately I need to see and be with my kids when I get home. Her tactics of coming on to me and trying to use her sex appeal are very difficult to guard against. She is a "trophy wife" as I've been told way to many times. I guess I'll have to learn to have strong self-control, but it is very difficult. It's hard to get back respect after I have messed up way to many times in the past 6 months.

I am going to try and continue to stay dark and move in that direction. All my friends are married so I may have to start doing things alone. I went to a movie alone and it was liberating. I had a good time and enjoyed watching Jumanji. Had many laughs.

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BB,

Start by stop calling your WW a trophy w. She's no trophy right now. She has never been. My wife hated being treated like she was on a pedestal. She loves being treated like every other person. Guess what, you are going to have to turn your WW sex antics down. It won't be easy, but there are websites to help control that.

This might work for you, because it work for me. I would go by myself for a few moments and get it all out, so when my WW came around, I wasn't interested, I satisfied myself. Remember, you don't need your WW for nothing, not even pleasuring yourself.

I didn't a lot by myself, I went to a bunch of church events, meetup.com events (hiking, outward thinkers and drinkers), skydiving, dinners, and of course the gym). I was always busy, when I didn't have my boys. I made myself busy.

If I had to be at home with her, I would, read a book, or go do yard work. Whatever it took to occupy my mind and body.

But guess what, your wife is no trophy at the moment, and after the dust settle she never will be again. Treat with equality and not above you are any other person. Other people might see her that way, but she's your W and not something to place on a mantle.

Joejoe


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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