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Congratulations Pax! I recently watched the Chris Watts doco and felt the same way about my safety. Definitely trust your gut and stay safe.


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Originally Posted by Pax_luv
if youíre willing to go to these lengths... when will it end?? When Iím dead? When you destroy me in some other capacity?

Iím being serious. I think my story evolved way beyond MLC several years ago...


Yes, totally. You and me. Pax, it's so odd how similar our stories ended up being.

My in-laws also turned on me, though they would never offer documentation like yours. I almost found that more hurtful than my H's betrayal! How could my MIL give up 20 years of our family history and the ability to see her grandchildren?! (She won't see me and my S won't see her if she won't see me, though I offered.)

All the MLC stuff I was able to bear/accept/forgive/make peace with. But the stuff that happened during the divorce process, which started in year 5 of MLC, that stuff is what got me scared. It wasn't just that he wasn't like the man I married or that he didn't see things clearly or thought wrongly of me or our history. It was that he seemed to want me dead and that he was willing to do all kinds of crazy unethical stuff to ensure that I lost everything and/or was punished. Now I fear for my D11. I don't know what he is capable of anymore. He was abused in every way and I know that can often get passed to the next generation.

Recently I was talking to my stepfather and he told me that he and my mom always thought my H treated me poorly and didn't truly love me and that he gaslighted me. I mean long before the MLC began.

The problem is that my mom was diagnosed with her own cluster disorders and definitely had an MLC and was always accusing my dad of gaslighting her! She was totally crazy and very terrible to us in many ways and my stepdad doesn't realize maybe how deep that went. I think growing up in that household is my big wound that led me to think that what I had with my H was how all relationships were. But I do wish my mom was still here -- because I wish I could be kind to her now that I am more able to be, and because I wish I could hear more about what she thought she saw. (She died in 2016, and oh how awful it was to have my MLCer go with us on the trip to the funeral.)

It's hard to know the truth. I do always think that our love for our H's could have been the healing balm for them and us both. They chose to reject it. But it could have gone either way, and I don't regret any of my stand.

Last edited by Gerda; 10/12/20 02:03 AM.

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Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Hi friends,
Thank you so much for your comments and good wishes. While Iím not very interactive (Iím more of an observer), I have learned so much from each one of you and Iím so grateful for everyone who has chimed in on my threads over the last 5 years.

I have a feeling my ex isnít going to fade into the night. Narcissism at its finest. Not until he feels heís been victorious will he let me go. This I know.
I actually read through the draft judgment that his attorney wrote up and there were wayyyy too many holes. Iíve learned that I can leave nothing up to interpretation because heís going to be actively looking for ways to discredit or poke holes in the agreement. I still expect him to sue me.

As mentioned, Iíve not shared many details in depth here out of protection.

Gerda- yes, to everything youíve said. Being married to the guy was tough. I thought I had enough strength to endure those tough times/ his tough personality. He pushed everyone aside and selfishly I thought I could prove to him that I would be there for him, that he didnít have to be so callous. <-Hahahah I laugh now.
I held my own for 4 years of the marriage before he threw me away like yesterdayís garbage. And then when I didnít go away like he wanted, then everything hit the fan. My god itís been a rough 5 years. Iím exhausted.

Iím also frustrated. I had so much hope for freedom and so much hope for stability, but I have to persevere for longer now. Iím so tired. I just know heís not going to go away. I always ignore the pokes and never give him the satisfaction. Communication is very very sparse and when heís nuts I donít engage at all. Just ignore.

Heís done some things recently that has made my life more difficult and Iím frustrated that I have to redo things... Iím being vague there, but itís just something Iím dealing with.


Finally, hereís a good laugh for you....
The beanie made it into the draft of the judgment.

You canít make it up.


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Just try to get it done and get out. Move to another town after it's done. Don't give him your new address. Just become the gray rock. Leave him in the rearview mirror!

Last edited by kml; 10/14/20 05:26 PM.
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Pax, we're rooting for you here. There will be an end to all of this!


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Best wishes with what you are feeling with.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
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M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
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Hello DB friends,
Been a while since I popped in. Truth be told I still lurk from time to time but donít have it in me to routinely post. I am tired. Covid fatigue is real.

I just remembered that it had been a year since the failed court-ordered mediation. I canít believe how quick and slow the time goes. I remember finally feeling somewhat validated when the mediator was like ďheís such an a-h*leĒ yep... he used the full term too. Not the abbreviation I annotated. It was a moment of ďwhew, Iím not being unrealistic.ĒI needed that.

As I documented here, the rest of the trial journey was more of the same. Iíve officially been divorced since the end of September but we still donít have anything submitted to the court. Iím soooo mad. I mean, did I really expect it to be any other way??

As part of the ďsettlementĒ we agreed that they would absorb the cost of completing the paperwork and getting it ready for signature. Welllllllllllll Iím still waiting. As suspected they keep adding in things that werenít agreed upon. And while some of the items legally should be done now, as they were read into the record, the ex still isnít complying. Such a leach.

Ahhhh Iím so tired. When will this be over? I mean Iíve been paying my lawyer for longer than I was married. This is insanity. Obviously Iím frustrated, but I do continue to have peace in my heart and I donít take that for granted.

Thatís all I got for now.
Warm holiday wishes to you all....


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ugh Pax.... your sitch is never ending. Hang in there! I feel like good things are ahead for you!

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Dang. Made a post and it got deleted. Must be a sign to keep my mouth shut. Haha

2021. WOW. What a year so far. Iím still feeling out of sorts as a results of the happenings this week.

I was going to share the latest updates in my sitch that have me frustrated but Iíll wait. Letís just say the drama hasnít ended yet.... and did we expect anything less from my ex?? Things got a little crazy trying to get him and his side to do the paperwork for the divorce. Surprise, he fired his attorney instead.

The final season of the Pax Divorce is soon to be over, but not without some good drama.

Wishing you all health and peace...


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Wishing you a final divorce in 3021!

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