Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
SteveLW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Originally Posted by Mach40
Very inspirational Steve85. Congrats on everything and keeping hope alive for others.

Originally Posted by Mumin
Thanks so much Steve! For sharing and for staying committed!
Rly inspirational!


Thanks guys. One thing I've learned is that MR are like plants. They need constant attention, watering, nurturing, and maintenance. Or they will die.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
So true Steve, about nurturing etc. Marriage is like a garden.. Feed it well with love water and food and it will return it..


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,136
Likes: 19
Hey dear friend. Just wait for the cycle up, it’s coming.

Commitment and willingness.

And lot of patience.

Keep walking Steve.


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
SteveLW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Update on my D's and my relationship:

Over the last few months, I've been noticing that our relationship has been much much better. I just kept being the best dad and father that I could. As I've stated before, my W was much more quick to embrace my changes than my D was. It is important to remember that I was as bad of a father as I was a husband. I could make excuses (stressful job working 90-100 hours a week, etc), but none of that matters. The fact was I was absent. And when I was there I was surly and grumpy. I did some things right (never missed her school and sporting events, etc, always took care of her monetarily), but in general I was a bad father. Half of being a father is being there and being engaged. And in a positive, supportive way. I wasn't even doing that.

So after BD 2017, I started instituting my changes. I went to IC. I read self-help books. I learned the art of empathy and validation. I 180'd on bad behavior. I remained emotionally consistent no matter what the problem or behavior.

As I said, by about May 18, my W was fully trusting and embracing of my changes. It took my D way longer.

Last night we went to her varsity girls' basketball team playoff game. She chose not to play this year for a lot of reasons.

Anyway, I met her and my W halfway, then we rode to the game together. D wanted to sit up front (never does that!) Then at the game we walked single file down to a bleacher seat, me, my D, then my W. She walked to the other side of me and sat down (so it went her, me and my W, me in the middle). NO WAY does she choose to sit there a year ago. Then when we stopped on the way home (after eating) to get my W's car, D hopped out of the back and hopped in the front of the truck with me. Again, a while back no way does she choose to ride home with me instead of my W.

I was so emotional thinking about this week. People, make small changes in your life today! The dividends will eventually pay off.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Right on Steve85... Small genuine changes.. People will notice.


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 64
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 64
A truly inspirational case... I hope I can be the man that you are. Takes a tonne of willpower to turn this around!


M(36), W(36), D(6), D(4)
M-7, T-8
Bomb Drop - Nov 28, 2019
W requested separation - Sep 30, 2020
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
Keep up the good work, Steve!...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
Steve,

Is everything ok?

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 57
Likes: 2
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 57
Likes: 2
Echoing LH's concern

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
SteveLW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Hey guys, yes things are fine. This shelter in place stuff has me going stir crazy so I've been out on the property a lot. I'm on temporary furlough so been staying off the laptop and been outside as much as the weather permits. Being doing things around the house when I can't be in the property. Appreciate you guys checking in with me.

On the marriage front, things are absolutely great. I can't imagine being quarantined together before when things were so bad. Everything happens for a reason.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard