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Gerda Rises Up to Go On

I'm going back to the beginning of Gerda's story. Not because I am stuck there but because I realized I never understood the beginning of my own story, I mean the real me, my life before H and before H's MLC. I am trying to understand more of my own wounds now with the hope that I can let it go and heal in a new way and become the self I was meant to become, even as H's MLC story gets worse and worse....

Story the First,

Which Describes a Looking-Glass and the Broken Fragments.

YOU must attend to the commencement of this story, for when we get to the end we shall know more than we do now about a very wicked hobgoblin; he was one of the very worst, for he was a real demon. One day, when he was in a merry mood, he made a looking-glass which had the power of making everything good or beautiful that was reflected in it almost shrink to nothing, while everything that was worthless and bad looked increased in size and worse than ever. The most lovely landscapes appeared like boiled spinach, and the people became hideous, and looked as if they stood on their heads and had no bodies. Their countenances were so distorted that no one could recognize them, and even one freckle on the face appeared to spread over the whole of the nose and mouth. The demon said this was very amusing. When a good or pious thought passed through the mind of any one it was misrepresented in the glass; and then how the demon laughed at his cunning invention. All who went to the demon’s school—for he kept a school—talked everywhere of the wonders they had seen, and declared that people could now, for the first time, see what the world and mankind were really like. They carried the glass about everywhere, till at last there was not a land nor a people who had not been looked at through this distorted mirror. They wanted even to fly with it up to heaven to see the angels, but the higher they flew the more slippery the glass became, and they could scarcely hold it, till at last it slipped from their hands, fell to the earth, and was broken into millions of pieces. But now the looking-glass caused more unhappiness than ever, for some of the fragments were not so large as a grain of sand, and they flew about the world into every country. When one of these tiny atoms flew into a person’s eye, it stuck there unknown to him, and from that moment he saw everything through a distorted medium, or could see only the worst side of what he looked at, for even the smallest fragment retained the same power which had belonged to the whole mirror. Some few persons even got a fragment of the looking-glass in their hearts, and this was very terrible, for their hearts became cold like a lump of ice. A few of the pieces were so large that they could be used as window-panes; it would have been a sad thing to look at our friends through them. Other pieces were made into spectacles; this was dreadful for those who wore them, for they could see nothing either rightly or justly. At all this the wicked demon laughed till his sides shook—it tickled him so to see the mischief he had done. There were still a number of these little fragments of glass floating about in the air, and now you shall hear what happened with one of them.

Last edited by job; 12/08/19 02:40 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
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It’s after midnight.

Happy Birthday!


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Happy birthday Gerda. Wishing you a peaceful day.


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Happy Birthday, dear Gerda. Thinking of you often.


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Gerda Offline OP
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DnJ, Scout, Grace, OwnIt, HaWho, thank you so much for all the messages for my b-day.

Am meeting a friend and her kid with my kids for dinner, tried to find something to do. I had a bit of a setback with that OW sleepover situation and my D so upset and wanting to talk. I was able to get her Sunday school teacher to chat with her because I realized it was just too much for me. She is an amazing lady and young and fun but old enough to be married with a kid, so it was amazing. They came up with a plan to write H a bunch of letters and not mail them but talk about them with each other. After D10 kept telling me happily that her teacher said she was a special person.

Thank you, everyone, for the friendship. I am not going to lie, this birthday really was not a good one, I was really low but able to talk to some friends and family, going out now in GAL style -- but it was amazing to have friends out there in DB land sending so many wishes.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
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Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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More fireworks today on the legal front.

I signed a really bad deal and I stupidly though H would allow me to buy him out of our little cabin in a reasonable way. If I end up losing our city place, I wanted for me and the kids to have one thing left that we love. There is very little equity in it and it is a very special place to us. I offered to pay him the appraised value less mortgage and closing costs (broker's fee, cap gains, etc). He said no and came up with a number that he could only get, after all the closing costs and paying off the mortgage, if the place sold for 50K over the appraised value. It could also take many many months for him to actually get the money.

I am thinking about backing out of the terrible deal and going to trial. I feel like I am negotiating with terrorists and that the bad deal I signed has no benefits for me in it, I am doing all the paying and all the suffering and getting nothing for it.

I don't have the money to pay my lawyer to go to trial, and I know it is a waste of money and against my beliefs.

I also know that my lawyer isn't very good but that I can't afford one who would actually be able to fight for me in a strategic way.

But I was thinking about bluffing, pushing toward trial and hoping that they would settle on the way. Because if I had to sell the places out of a trial, he would not be able to sell them on his own, without my participation. I would be an equal partner in the sale and he would have to wait a lot longer.

It would be months away and lots more misery. I would love to end this right now, today, but our agreement allows him to sell the place for six more months, he would not agree to any settlement on our place unless I added A MILLION DOLLARS to the appraised value. I also have to wait to find out if I will get a refinance and need some more time for that anyway.

But at a trial I would have a different judge. I'd be an equal partner in a sale. I might have a better deal than what I have now which is also months more and lots more misery and owing the lawyer a lot.

What do you all think?

Last edited by Gerda; 12/09/19 10:33 PM.

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Happy belated birthday dear Gerda smile

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Gerda, I'd love to be able to tell you what I think you want to hear, but it isn't in me to do that. You asked, so I'm going to respond.

1. Do not back out of the deal unless you find an attorney you like and respect who tells you that you would be better off backing out of the deal. None of us knows the deal, the risks, the likelihoods, the law where you are, etc. This is absolutely worth a consultation fee.

2. Try to lose your attachment to particular outcomes. It is that attachment that gives him leverage. You make it very easy for him to see what he has to do to get what he wants. Children remember events and time, not things. Your children will do fine whether they have a vacation home or whatever. This is a crap deal for all of you, but it will be over and then you can rebuild. You got here on your effort, and you can go further without a dead weight in the future.

3. Don't bluff. Not ever. If you back out and can't afford an attorney for trial, make sure you are comfortable with representing your case and your positions. I'm not saying I don't think you couldn't handle it, I'm just saying make sure you accept that is the likely scenario.

4. If you let go of your attachments to keeping these properties and can make him believe that, he may be more concerned heading into a trial where he could do significantly worse.

5. Would backing out on the property involve changing the custody/support/visitation issues with the children, and how would you feel about it if it did?

6. Are you positive you would have a different judge, or are you just betting that based on rotation and probability? Are you positive you wouldn't get a worse one?

Think carefully and unemotionally before you make this decision. Don't do it rashly, and be prepared for both the possibility of better and worse outcomes and how you feel about them, as well as how you think you would handle the stress of having this still over your head.

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I agree 100% w/OwnIt. Please listen to the sage advice that she is giving you. Gerda, you need to keep your emotions out of the courtroom when you are attempting to make deals. Whatever attachment that you have to these places is understandable....however, now it is time to cut those ties w/that vacation home. You can always rebuild or purchase something else later down the road once your finances have been cleaned up.

There is no guarantee that you will have a different judge if you went to trial. This is now a business deal and you've got to leave those emotions at the door. Your emotions are what keeps you in a whirlwind all of the time.

Please, please reread OwnIt's posting....it is very important that you do this over and over again.


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Gerda - I agree with OwnIt. Think very carefully before you make any decisions. I wonder how much your emotions show when you face H in court, or any other time for that matter. Dig deep and keep emotions out of it. You can cry, rant, rave, or whatever when you are alone or to a friend. If he knows you are desperate to keep the properties, he will certainly go after them harder.

I don't remember the events, but did you and H go to mediation? If not, is that possible?

In any event, get good legal counsel before you do anything.

One other thing. You mentioned that going to trial is against your beliefs. How so? This is a business deal pure and simple. Treat it as such.

(((Gerda)))

Grace


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