I've been posting a little on both boards. I value the connections I have made here on Newcomers, as people are familiar with my whole story whereas the other board may not be. I say you do whatever you feel works for you.
Okay this is going to be incredibly needy and pathetic. My self esteem has taken a beating since WAH already has someone. That was a serious blow to my ego.
I'm not ready to date I just want to know I CAN if that makes sense? I also want to know if there are men out there that look and are decent. Anyway until I can be happy alone I need to stay away from men. Okay I'm 53, somewhat attractive. I can turn a few heads in my age bracket I put in the effort. I'm tall, thin and athletic. I'm an outgoing introvert and quick witted. I love men, all types of men. My deal breakers are obesity, smoking or any other addiction. I worry that most of the single, older men in my area are fat.
I have merged your two threads together because you had not reached 100 postings/replies. You can change the subject line at any time within a thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm not ready to date I just want to know I CAN if that makes sense? I also want to know if there are men out there that look and are decent.
These boards are a window into what is going on right now. There are good looking decent guys out there that have been bomb dropped and are now divorced.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I worry that most of the single, older men in my area are fat.
We have a running group here in my town that meets every Thursday. The older guys I see running are not fat, most do not smoke. If you lived here, I would say go to that event.
If you do want a fat guy, there is a biker bar I can recommend.
I guess my point is, when it is time, put yourself in the right environment,.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I live in one of the fattest states and WAH is thin. Pout coming....before my thin WAH left he said the things he'd miss were my looks and my wit. Little did I know I was being compared to the OW. The day he got caught she had a large brown purse, animal print glasses, crocs and drives a Juke. I keep having these visions of her being younger, prettier and more fabulous than me. This stinks...pout over.
Right after WAH left I panicked about being alone forever and signed up for this one dating website (just to look). Couple of decent looking guys but my first thought was I didn't want anyone other than WAH. Obviously it was too early.
This is what I do. I fret over things until I decide in my head that it's going to be okay. My first concern was money. In hindsight WAH was starving me out so the kids would live with him. I bought into WAH's script that I'd be kicked to the side of the road, abandoned by my entire family. Oh he'd set me up in an apartment so I wouldn't be homeless but the rest was on me. The kids would of course visit you know when they weren't busy.
Didn't play out this way because I'm their mom. My two older kids moved in with me and have offered to do whatever it takes. If push came to shove they'd get jobs and help buy groceries. They aren't going to leave me hanging regardless of what WAH wants. I'm not worried about money anymore.
OMG I’m doing it again. Still trying to find an easy way to fix this. Yes another man will solve all my problems. Right. Ok I’m done for now. Back to learning how to make myself happy. Disregard my last posts. Lol
OMG I’m doing it again. Still trying to find an easy way to fix this. Yes another man will solve all my problems. Right. Ok I’m done for now. Back to learning how to make myself happy. Disregard my last posts. Lol
Why do we do this? Why do we put more effort into filling a void out of loneliness or boredom instead of strength and character building with time, effort, experience, and emotional growth? Nevermind the OP, Nevermind the WAW, WAH, people are right here. If your not GALing, you're not changing. If you are not changing, you are not growing, if you are not growing, if you are not growing, you are complacent and bored with your own life. You are thinking about what was, over and over to find the meaning you assign to it to learn and drill into your emotions, your personna, and your logic, the mistakes you made the mistakes the made the actions you took the actions they took, what can be forgiven but not forgotten, and what can't. Taking the time learning all this stuff makes things so much more complicated, but helps you see things for what they really are in modern relationships. Your mistakes, you're perception, your worth, your value, your character, your growth, your emotional and financial well being, your mindset, your wants, needs, desires. Comorbidies like co dependency and the like. It almost makes you wonder? Why take vows in the first place if everything is conditional, is based off attraction, needs, wants, value, desires, fantasies, experience, hurt, heal, etc. Why take vows that are only honored and enforced only when they serve you. Something to think about. But once all this sinks in after the well needed time for introspection. It becomes perfectly clear that when you can put your emotional turmoil aside for the time being and shift your focus to you. That is when your life starts and opens up expoenently. Its just a matter if getting there and staying with the process. Im sure there is more I can think of on the subject. Have to get to work. Love hearing what a lot of you guys and gals have to say. Really keeps me in check with my perspective.
Why take vows in the first place if everything is conditional, is based off attraction, needs, wants, value, desires, fantasies, experience, hurt, heal, etc. Why take vows that are only honored and enforced only when they serve you.
I have an anxious attachment style and he's an avoidant. We took vows for all the wrong reasons. As a WAH he's learned nothing so he's attracted another anxious person. Stable people don't sleep with married men and two avoidants won't work. So if he moves her in this cycle continues only this time it will be worse (kids and 30 years of baggage).
Yeah...yeah we all have our stories of how some WAS's get their happily ever afters R's that started out as affairs but that is the exception not the norm.
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Why do we do this? Why do we put more effort into filling a void out of loneliness or boredom instead of strength and character building with time, effort, experience, and emotional growth?
I'm not bored or lonely I'm broken and the effort to fix me is painful. If I signed up on an online dating site to see what my options are I'd feel better. If there are halfway attractive men there then I'm good. All I need then is to use my sex appeal to find someone once my divorce is final. Yes, yes this will work. Until then I'll focus instead on my outward appearance. How much does professional teeth whitening cost anyway? lol
