As for your D17. You going to your support group is not going to change how she feels about herself. What will affect her is a role model who gets the help she needs, shows confidence and capability and doing what she needs to do to make herself a happy healthy person.
You sitting at home with her wallowing isn’t going to make anything any better.
Take your D17 with you to volunteer . It’s a positive experience that will. Make her feel good about herself.
Don’t use excuses
Ginger your posts make me cry. I'm not trying to make excuses I'm simply explaining. I can't yet make the leap from getting a handle on basic tasks to volunteering. It's too big of a jump and it's overwhelming. I need smaller goals like cooking dinner and getting caught up at work. I have not wallowed (at home) since Friday. The only complaint I've gotten out of the kids since Friday is me not being considerate about where I park my car. It's a valid point and I will correct this. They call me out anytime I'm not behaving like an adult so I'm constantly reminded.
I was doing better until I moved and found out about the OW (3 weeks ago).
You need to not take time Away from Your group because it takes away from D17. It is positive for her to see you helping yourself. Andy way you help yourself will have a positive impact on her. And including her in those efforts is what will help her
I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes but I am doing my best. Ironically I'm off the couch more now than I was when WAH left. I started taking AD's and they have been life changing. This is situational depression which I can fix by taking action. The minute I stop being busy I crash.
As for your D17. You going to your support group is not going to change how she feels about herself. What will affect her is a role model who gets the help she needs, shows confidence and capability and doing what she needs to do to make herself a happy healthy person.
You sitting at home with her wallowing isn’t going to make anything any better.
Take your D17 with you to volunteer . It’s a positive experience that will. Make her feel good about herself.
Don’t use excuses
Ginger your posts make me cry. I'm not trying to make excuses I'm simply explaining. I can't yet make the leap from getting a handle on basic tasks to volunteering. It's too big of a jump and it's overwhelming. I need smaller goals like cooking dinner and getting caught up at work. I have not wallowed (at home) since Friday. The only complaint I've gotten out of the kids since Friday is me not being considerate about where I park my car. It's a valid point and I will correct this. They call me out anytime I'm not behaving like an adult so I'm constantly reminded.
I was doing better until I moved and found out about the OW (3 weeks ago).
Sometimes hearing things we don't want to hear is necessary. Your emotions over those things can't be helped. Ginger is giving you great feedback and advice. Don't let the fact that it hurts deter you from heeding it and considering it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I used to be a good mom but the housing market crashed, had to sell our home, and then my life spiraled. This is the short version. After that I kinda gave up, fell into a deep depression, etc. I got on meds which helped the mood swings and kept me out of bed but I was still in this fog. I wasn't a good mom while in the fog. Started taking new meds after WAH left and the fog lifted. Been doing a 180 ever since (easy with meds). I relapsed after the move, got worse after the OW. Been down for 2 months. My couch time was minimal until I found out about the OW. Still not bedridden so it could be worse. My bedroom looks like a storage room. Pathetic I know. I'm surrounded by tubs and boxes so that is the last room I want to spend time in.
Sometimes hearing things we don't want to hear is necessary. Your emotions over those things can't be helped. Ginger is giving you great feedback and advice. Don't let the fact that it hurts deter you from heeding it and considering it.
Its so weird because I have moments where I am totally fine. I've said before I struggle at work which is when I do most of my posting here.
Last night I started thinking about how WAH and how he couldn't make me happy. How getting a D could be the best thing that ever happened to me. Can't even imagine living another 30 years like that. This is devastating, beyond devastating but what's done is done nothing I can do but learn to live with it.
Sometimes I entertain the thought of reconciling years down the road but those thoughts are dwindling. The more distance I put between WAH and myself the less I blame him for my unhappiness if that makes sense. If I can't be happy on my own then I'll never be happy with him (or anyone else) either. I am grateful that I will never have to see or talk to him again. Oh sure there is court, graduations...and I'll worry about the rest later but mostly I can avoid him forever. If he wants me out of his life then I need to make it permanent for my own mental health.
kas, did you file for D because you want to be D'd? Or did you do it to try to wake him up?
It's financial and he will go through with it. He wants a D he just doesn't want to pay for it.
I don't want to D but I live in a true fault state. Without grounds (adultery) he doesn't have to give me a divorce until he wants to and doesn't have to pay me without one. I have to go through with it now.
Ginger your posts make me cry. I'm not trying to make excuses I'm simply explaining. I can't yet make the leap from getting a handle on basic tasks to volunteering. It's too big of a jump and it's overwhelming. I need smaller goals like cooking dinner and getting caught up at work.
I know, as you can see on my thread, sometimes when I’m in it I reject suggestions and make up all these reasons why I can’t do them. And that certainly doesn’t help me.
Like unichen said..... do the next best thing.
I don’t want to be the person to make you cry. So I’ll step back. You are getting some great advice here. I wish you all the best.
