Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 591
Likes: 14
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 591
Likes: 14
Wow, great thread... and the rules Steve85 talk about are hard at first to do, but many have said they work.
Was there any friends or family that told you anything about what the heck was in his mind? Something was obviously bothering him to go forward.


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
I didn't ask. I just stopped caring.

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 591
Likes: 14
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 591
Likes: 14
Originally Posted by Newbie20
I didn't ask. I just stopped caring.

Well alright then.. Good for you...


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160

Hi, everyone. My WAH and I had lunch today and he told me he wants to reconcile. He's dismissing his case. It's my birthday.

It's going to be a long road to put this thing back together but I want to try to do it. Thank you to everyone who helped me. I think it was the giving up and walking away that did the trick. People, listen to Steve. He annoyed me in the beginning but he is right and I am a fan. I may stick around and try to help others who find themselves in this nightmare.

Anyway, happy birthday to me.

Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,435
Likes: 10
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,435
Likes: 10
Happy Birthday Newbie!! smile

Please stick around. I'm really happy for you and I'm sure you'll continue to get some good advice here as you work through the next steps of reconciliation.

Can you give us more details of exactly what changed? I'm curious to know more-- you were pretty dark already, I think, but responsive to his texts etc-- then you went totally dark per Steve's post above? NC? Just actually achieved the final detachment in your head?

I hope you keep sharing!


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
I never believed from the start that mine would actually go through with it. But he sure put me through hell. In the last few weeks, I made a whole bunch of money and that alleviated my irrational fears of becoming a bag lady. The other point was, he couldn't take any of it. I felt like I was getting more control over my own future. That helped. Then I just started getting mad at myself for being jobbed like that. Finally just said, "the hell with it" and walked away in my mind. Just exhausted myself, like someone at the wailing wall in Jerusalem. Then I met some guys who were interested in me, although I didn't reciprocate. All together, it added up that there is life after this mess.

Went NC but responsive to outreach. Outreach turned into phone calls, more outreach, etc. Then it kind of came together the last few days. I am not 100% on board but willing to give it a shot.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,568
Likes: 97
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,568
Likes: 97
Originally Posted by Newbie20

Hi, everyone. My WAH and I had lunch today and he told me he wants to reconcile. He's dismissing his case. It's my birthday.

It's going to be a long road to put this thing back together but I want to try to do it. Thank you to everyone who helped me. I think it was the giving up and walking away that did the trick. People, listen to Steve. He annoyed me in the beginning but he is right and I am a fan. I may stick around and try to help others who find themselves in this nightmare.

Anyway, happy birthday to me.


First Happy Birthday! Second, sorry for being annoying. I try to be persistent if someone seems to be hesitant to at least try doing what works. I am sure the LBSs that give up the MBR get frustrated with us constantly hounding them to take back the MBR. But we do it because we know that short of that there is little hope of saving the MR.

I do want to caution you not to go all in on the R just yet. Lots of LBSs get suckered into dropping DBing because their WAS starts sniffing back around. Likely, in these initials stages, he sees Plan B (you) slipping away. And that gives him a very uneasy feeling. He needs that fall back plan to feel secure. Insecurity will cause even the staunchest of WASs to try to reestablish their Plan B option.

So proceed carefully. Remember, he is still a WAS and therefore nothing.....NOTHING he says can be believed. Make him act....and earn his way back. Based on your language about it being a long road, you probably already know this. But I wanted to annoy you one last time.....just in case! wink


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
I hear you. I am not all in myself. I was pretty OK being on my own. No question, he needs to walk the walk. I have heard this BS before.

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 574
Likes: 5
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 574
Likes: 5
Happy birthday! I'm New to this but:
Keep using the rules and principles! Keep reading!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 160
In case anyone cares, we straightened out our differences and are fully reconciled after 2.5 years of separation. We are too old to spend months analyzing every move and playing power games with each other. It's better now than it ever was and I am glad I will not be one of the gray divorce victims. I wish the rest of you a similar positive ending to the saga.

I think in retrospect this was a MLC on his part. It started in his late 50s amd dragged on for over 5 years. We weren't separated the whole time but he was hell on wheels to live with.

Last edited by Newbie20; 02/22/20 06:53 PM.
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard