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A Message from Michele
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Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2882050
01/23/20 08:26 PM
01/23/20 08:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,866
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted by Coconut
First, let me just say, I am not interested in dating her, she is very religious now and I have no interest in following the path that would be needed to be with someone like that. With that said, has anyone here ever met up with someone that they held dear from the past and have it change the way you feel about those memories after meeting?


Coconut,

I've never met up with someone that I held dear in the past so I can't answer your question. However, I would like to address the religious thing. I grew up in a very religious family, but I didn't really care for religion. I told everyone that I didn't inherit the religious gene. I still don't consider myself religious, but thanks to a Canadian, Jordan Peterson, I do have a much different perspective about religion and religious people. I could go on at length, but the point I'd like to make is that your ex-girlfriend has gone through a very difficult time recently and it's very normal for people to embrace religion during difficult times. It doesn't mean that they'll necessarily force you into a strict religious lifestyle.

Here's the thing; the two of you had a great relationship in the past. She told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, but she would like to "catch up" with you. Two things: First, she has scruples because she didn't try to hook up with you during her divorce, and second, I think this is one of those rare opportunities that crosses your path and I think you'd be crazy not to take up her offer to venture out to that park. Again, I'm not religious, but you know, this could be what God has next for her. What are the chances that you'd message her right when she got off the phone with her divorce lawyer? I don't have an answer to that, but this seems like an opportunity of a lifetime and the FWB isn't really doing it for you (my assumption).

Go for it.

Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2882053
01/23/20 08:43 PM
01/23/20 08:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,418
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kml Offline
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No. But most of my ex's that I had fond memories of I stayed in touch with. There is one guy who I dated in college, I was mad about him but he was not as much about me (or maybe just not in the right place), I moved on and he later started dating the tall blond rocket scientist (ok, molecular biologist) that he married and is still married to. I lost track of him after we both graduated and in those dark ages before the internet, I looked for him once or twice but never found him.

Ten years ago when my divorce was happening I finally found him via the internet - back teaching as a professor at our old college, still happily married. We emailed a little bit and ended up meeting at a Halloween party (nothing sketchy - he was playing at the home of an old professor of ours). It was the first time I had seen him in probably 30 years. It was quite lovely, he was still the same great guy, and when I was telling him about something going on with a guy I was currently dating he told me "You're a ray of sunshine - and you always were".

We email a couple of times a year to catch up and have lunch together every few years if he's in town. Absolutely no inappropriate behavior on either side. In this case, at least, it was a positive, a nice reminder of the way we were.

Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2882054
01/23/20 08:49 PM
01/23/20 08:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,320
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Dawn70 Offline
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It's a no for me as well. The main one who comes to my mind is a guy I went to college with and was totally head over heels for. We lost touch after I graduated, but found each other again a few years later and have always stayed in touch, exchanging occasional emails and facebook messages. I have some absolutely lovely memories of our time together and chatting with him now on occasion and seeing him every once in a great while (every 5 years or so) just reminds me of a wonderful time in my life.


Me 50, H51
3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids)
Divorce final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage
Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2882060
01/23/20 09:34 PM
01/23/20 09:34 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,436
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Funny you should mention that Coconut because I'm in the midst of reconnecting with my junior high school boyfriend now...lol. And I've loved every second of it. I've also reconnected with my best guy friend from those days and it is so awesome to have him back in my life. We are so comfortable and relaxed around each other (best guy friend) that it is like no time has passed. With my JH boyfriend, we don't exactly know each other (we broke up 36 years ago) but we both feel a connection and have commented several times that it feels like we know each other. Catching up with people who know you when you were young and carefree (well mostly) is a gift which is why I try not to miss reunions. I wouldn't read too much into her wanting to catch up. I think it is normal to be curious about past loves and to see how they have evolved over the years. In my case, JH bf and I have way more in common now than we did then. We are supposed to be seeing each other this weekend so fingers crossed the attraction we felt the last time we saw each other remains. You should catch up with her if you can. I think you will be glad you did. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2883132
01/30/20 03:46 PM
01/30/20 03:46 PM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,504
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Coconut Offline OP
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Coconut  Offline OP
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Doodler, she actually found God right after we broke up, she has worked for the church in the past (no idea if she still does), but she is deeply embedded in religion. While I believe in god and occasionally pray, I am not religious, and I do understand the importance for religious people to be "equally yoked" in marriage, and I don't want to give up my Sunday's of fishing and camping to try and get there..

KML / Dawn, that is cool that you both were able to casually reconnect with an old flame, it is nice to hear about how life has been for people we knew way back when.

DejaVu6, I went back and read a lot of your thread, that's quite a re connection you found, it is quite a story and going great.. just remember to take your time, it's easy to build things up in your head based on who he was, but take the time to get to know who he is before you start planning a lifetime together in your head.

Now, as for me, after all your great advice I decided that I would like to catch up with her, so I texted her and worked out a date and time and since it was out of my area told her I would research a place to meet and let her know the next day. I woke up the next day to a message from her saying before plans were finalized she wanted to cancel, that it wasn't her best idea to reconnect, it was nice to hear about how i'd been doing and about my family, that's really the extent to our need to catch up. Then again mentioned that her aim is to seek only what God has for her next.

It kind of seems like she was taking us meeting as a start of some type of relationship, I can't really think of any other reason for her actions... I just replied that I don't understand how you know what God has in store for you but I respect it and said goodbye. I was actually kind of relieved that I can leave her in my memories, just thought it was odd how it happened.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2883135
01/30/20 03:58 PM
01/30/20 03:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,149
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LH19 Offline
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Run for the hills brother and never look back lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Life is Good... [Re: LH19] #2883150
01/30/20 04:42 PM
01/30/20 04:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,866
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted by LH19
Run for the hills brother and never look back lol.

Totally agree with LH; she smells like trouble.

Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2883171
01/30/20 05:49 PM
01/30/20 05:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,436
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Yeah...that's weird. Probably for the best.

Thanks for the advice on my sitch Coconut. I've calmed down...lol. The universe may have planned for us to reconnect but it has also planned for us not to be able to see each other for awhile. Between our work schedules, family commitments, basketball season, the unexpected death of a relative, a snow storm, etc... we haven't been able to physically see each other for three weeks now...despite living only an hour apart. Ah well...as he said in a recent text..."Everything at the perfect time. Must not be right now but I'm sure we will get there soon." Bright side...gives me lots of time to practice for my upcoming pool tournament in Vegas in March. Life is good!!! smile


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2886815
16 hours ago
16 hours ago
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,504
NC
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Coconut Offline OP
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Posts: 1,504
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I took a big step today.. I decided to stop being angry at my ex.. 3 yrs after I moved to another state, after many angry texts and emails I decided to extend an olive branch.. not sure if we will ever be civil, but Iíve decided that Iím willing for my step sons sake.. I havenít wanted her back for a Long Time, but Iím gonna start not wanting to hurt her now.. Iím in a good place, and I want my boy to be in one too..


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Re: Life is Good... [Re: Coconut] #2886816
15 hours ago
15 hours ago
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Good for you Coconut! xo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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