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phnix #2875042 12/06/19 09:09 PM
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BB,

DBing is a good concept. But it won't stop abuse!!! Your WW is OUT OF CONTROL. She's abusing you in front of your son. Do you want you son to think that's acceptable.

You and your son deserves better!!!! I know you want to reconcile in the future. But from what you have wrote here. You and your WW is in need of some space and distance.

You have been her emotional and physical punching bag, and now it's time for you to TAKE your respect back. She's has been dropping her Sh$t on your lap for a few months now. Stopping picking it up. Move forward with your life. When she's ready she will work to catch up.

Onward and Forward


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
phnix #2875137 12/07/19 07:02 PM
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Got home last night and she wanted to talk about my day and I said I didn't want to talk. Woke up this morning and she was in bed with me hugging on me and I made the mistake of not saying anything and fell back asleep.

She wakes me up later and is upset that I called her a liar and a cheater to my mother. She had went into my phone and read my text messages. She claimed she wanted to see what I was thinking.

I told her I disapproved of her being in the bed and for looking through my phone. I quickly left the house and went to work.

She later text me about going to counseling. My response was that she only needed to contact me regarding my kids. Counseling for her would be to end our marriage and for me to have some kind of closure. She thinks counseling will justify us getting a divorce and not being together. I don't need a counselor to tell me something I already know.

phnix #2875139 12/07/19 07:07 PM
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Time to change your phone password

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Originally Posted by unchien
Time to change your phone password


LOL, no doubt!!

phnix #2875154 12/07/19 08:52 PM
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BB,

Well, she got to see what you were thinking. WW are lost BB, what did she think you would be saying about her. She's an angel. LOL.

If she's gets upset about you calling her a lie and a cheat again. You confidently say, "You are". She can argue, dispute. Just walk away. No need to argue the truth.

IMO, she's getting curious about what you are doing. She probably starting to think you are seeing someone, because your actions are changing towards her. I won't be surprise, if she blame you of such real soon.

Onward and upward


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
phnix #2875284 12/09/19 05:57 AM
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Well the weekend went well. She came to my game and asked me to go eat with her and my son. We argued somewhat and I said some mean things to her in front of our son. She walked out and went home. She feels like I’ve turned my son against her and made a valid point about mentioning her cheating in front of him. I know I shouldn’t have done that but he already knows.

She is adamant about seeing a counselor and wants our son to see one as well. I still think she wants us to see a counselor so that we can have a smooth divorce. She claims it would be to work on our relationship regardless of what happens in our marriage.

I stuck to my guns and said we can’t have a relationship as long as there is a 3rd person involved. She claims this is only about us and not anyone else. She is just angry and wants us to work on our relationship before we actually split.

I told her I didn’t need to see a counselor until she was sure she knew for sure she wanted to be married and was not in contact with the OM.

phnix #2875289 12/09/19 10:14 AM
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B,

I'm not really sure what to say to you anymore.

Saying in that in front of your son is just a so wrong. Arguing with her out in public is so wrong.

Continuing saying the same thing over and over "I will not be in a marriage with a 3rd party " but yet again you are and that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon.

Then in the end again you with the "please pick me" statements.

I think you two need not worry about counseling for yourselfs but you definitely need to get your son into it. The way you two act you want to try to minimize the damage as much as possible.

LH19 #2875293 12/09/19 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
B,

I'm not really sure what to say to you anymore.

Saying in that in front of your son is just a so wrong. Arguing with her out in public is so wrong.

Continuing saying the same thing over and over "I will not be in a marriage with a 3rd party " but yet again you are and that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon.

Then in the end again you with the "please pick me" statements.

I think you two need not worry about counseling for yourselfs but you definitely need to get your son into it. The way you two act you want to try to minimize the damage as much as possible.



I agree with counseling for my son. He has been exposed to way too much information and he lived in it by being with her at school. He had an idea of what was going on in real time. Kids have mentioned it to him which I'm sure was the most hurtful.

phnix #2875371 12/09/19 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by bballer1
She wakes me up later and is upset that I called her a liar and a cheater to my mother. She had went into my phone and read my text messages. She claimed she wanted to see what I was thinking.


Well to be honest I think it's good that she saw that. It sends her a clear message that you are not giving her a free pass on her crappy behavior. Incidentally, I imagine what she was REALLY looking for was to see if you were having an affair. She probably thinks THAT is why you've suddenly changed your attitude about her. So now she knows A) you're not putting her on a pedestal and B) this really is about her actions and not about a secret affair you're having.

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She later text me about going to counseling. My response was that she only needed to contact me regarding my kids.


Perfect.

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Counseling for her would be to end our marriage and for me to have some kind of closure. She thinks counseling will justify us getting a divorce and not being together.


Not sure about that, she may feel you slipping away as Plan B and she might see MC as a way of keeping you on the hook. She'll be dangling carrots in front of you (waking up to her hugging you is a great example) to try and get you back on the hook.

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We argued somewhat and I said some mean things to her in front of our son. She walked out and went home. She feels like I’ve turned my son against her and made a valid point about mentioning her cheating in front of him. I know I shouldn’t have done that but he already knows.


Ugh. You've got to try and reign your temper in, I know your situation has got to be extremely frustrating but you've got to be the moral compass for S because your W sure isn't.

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She is adamant about seeing a counselor and wants our son to see one as well. I still think she wants us to see a counselor so that we can have a smooth divorce. She claims it would be to work on our relationship regardless of what happens in our marriage.

I stuck to my guns and said we can’t have a relationship as long as there is a 3rd person involved.


Quote
I told her I didn’t need to see a counselor until she was sure she knew for sure she wanted to be married and was not in contact with the OM.


Don't offer any contingencies, it sounds like you're trying to negotiate. Your response before was perfect- "she only needed to contact me regarding my kids".


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
phnix #2875452 12/10/19 03:07 AM
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Great day! I felt good and at peace with knowing my marriage may end. Been busy with work and getting home late. The demands of my job keep me extremely busy.
She is meeting with a lawyer on Friday to see what her option are with going through a divorce. I told her if that’s what she wanted to to do then I am fine with it. I want to thank you guys for all your support. I know I will be fine regardless of what happens.
Dating and getting married out of high school causes feared being alone and starting over. Never been there before but I’m sure if it happens then I will be fine and will enjoy my life. My two S are great kids and my best friends. My oldest is a freshmen in college and he calls everyday.

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