Kudos to you for weathering the storm. Nice response with the counseling offer from your ww. You're probably right in that she just wants to be able to say "she tried" and it will do absolutely no good for your MR as long as there is another player.
Don't let the slip up with her overhearing you bother you. It's easy to dwell on mistakes and feel like you've royally screwed up. Keep in mind that DBing over time, slip up isn't what they (WS) remember. The hope is that she will start to remember good aspects of your relationship and miss making and having the good memories. So don't let it occupy your headspace. Accept it, don't repeat, and move on.
Good luck and do your thing - whatever makes BB and son happy!
KG
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
"AS" - I am thinking of moving all of her stuff out of the MB. Her clothes from her closet and all her items from the bathroom. When I leave every morning she goes in the MB to get ready and get clothes from her closet. She did actually use the other bathroom to get her bath last night. Or should I just not worry about that since she is actually respecting some of my boundaries by not sleeping in the MB?
She will become defensive and pissed but at this point I don't care. Just because I didn't answer text messages yesterday she responded that I was being mean. Although I didn't care.
Let’s develop a plan first. You’re very inconsistent with your actions.
Ok well I've started with the following.
1. No contact unless it is about the kids 2. She doesn't sleep in the MB 3. When I get home no communication unless it is about the kids. I told her i will not live in an open relationship and we have no relationship as long as she is in contact with the OM. (She didn't disagree) 4. Get my own checking account. Leave it up to her to cancel credit cards and split the bills 5. Take my phone off of her Mobile account. Create my own. 6. I've already retained a lawyer 7. Plan on staying away from her family even though they have been highly supportive if me. To the point that she doesn't speak to her father anymore.
Am I missing some things here. Any ideas to help with detaching.
If the answer is YES to the question above, it's not your problem. It's her FEELINGS to work out
Do you feel like you are married man at the moment?
If you don't feel like a Married man, why house your Wife items in the MBR. If she wants to be single or with another person, why not start the process now so she can start to see how it feels without you.
We can work through this before you take the next actions.
Onward and Forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
"LH", No i do not feel like a married man. I feel like a trapped man because I have a SON that lives in my house with us. If I did not have a son then I would have already filed. To continue this destructive behavior will take unbelievable forgiveness to keep this marriage if she ever comes around.
Moving her stuff out now may look desperate I guess. We have been in cycle where I have said these things before and then allowed her to come back to sleeping in the bed. She almost wouldn't get out until I began talking about the cheating and she quickly ran the other way. I actually called her a cheater and a liar.
As for being pissed it will be how she feels. I may feel bad that she is pissed but it will send a message. I haven't communicated with her in 3 days. This tends to bother her because she wants to just be friends in some twisted way.
1. No contact unless it is about the kids-Good 2. She doesn't sleep in the MB-Good 3. When I get home no communication unless it is about the kids. I told her i will not live in an open relationship and we have no relationship as long as she is in contact with the OM. (She didn't disagree)-Good 4. Get my own checking account. Leave it up to her to cancel credit cards and split the bills-I would cancel the credit cards and let her know I was doing so. If she wants CC, she can open a credit account in her name. 5. Take my phone off of her Mobile account. Create my own.-Do it ASAP 6. I've already retained a lawyer-Good 7. Plan on staying away from her family even though they have been highly supportive if me. To the point that she doesn't speak to her father anymore.-Don't give up or strain your relationship with your In-laws because of your WW. If she's upset that's her feelings.
Joejoe
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
See b part of the problem is you make statements like “I won’t live in an open relationship”. You’re living in an open relationship. Now what? Do you understand?
It’s time for action not words. Your only response should be “you know why”. Don’t argue, name call, cave in or back down.
"AS" - I am thinking of moving all of her stuff out of the MB. Her clothes from her closet and all her items from the bathroom. When I leave every morning she goes in the MB to get ready and get clothes from her closet. She did actually use the other bathroom to get her bath last night. Or should I just not worry about that since she is actually respecting some of my boundaries by not sleeping in the MB?
The others already weighed in with good advice, but just to echo what they're saying, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. IE, you're doing it because it's what you want, and not to "punish" her, teach her a lesson, or "wake her up". It will probably make her angry, but if you're doing it because you just can't take it anymore and you need as much distance from her as you can possibly get, then you're not going to care if it makes her mad, right?
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She will become defensive and pissed but at this point I don't care.
Quite right. So if it's what you want and you don't care how she reacts, then do it.
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Just because I didn't answer text messages yesterday she responded that I was being mean. Although I didn't care.
The woman is having an affair right in front of your face, and she's going to gripe about you being mean because you're not playing husband for her when it suits her? This isn't you being mean, this is you distancing yourself from her and her crappy, immature, GGW behavior. I think you're doing the right thing, it's best for you and it's the only thing that might eventually shake her out of her fog.
Thanks Guys!!! You are right "AS". I am doing it because I need to distance myself and I need to heal. If I don't interact with her then I feel so much better.
