IMO, you are in a prime process to get your WW back. I think she is confused and lost. And she's definitely sitting on the fence. But her time on the fence is coming to an end. You are getting tired of being in limbo and you are growing. Last night was a great start.
I agree with joejoe, here-- i do think there is some hope for your sitch, but it is somewhere off in the future, many months at a minimum. Before it could ever happen, though, you need to take control of your own sitch, command the respect you deserve, etc etc... you've heard it all here before, and you have alot of good heads weighing in on your sitch, and now you've made a good start... So stick to your guns! Keep GAL-ing! Get out there and be the joejoe that attracted a "trophy wife" in the first place... or even a better joejoe than that! But it all starts with you claiming the respect you deserve, detaching from your WW and, yes, detaching emotionally from the outcome, whatever it may be. That doesn't mean you have to give up all hope that you may R someday, but you DO need to detach to the degree that your future happiness and success does not depend on a reconciliation with your W. I see similarities between your sitch and mine, and between your W and mine... and things ended up working out for me... but not until i finally "stepped away" and my W finally realized she was going to lose me and lose our family.
I will repeat my favorite snippet of wisdom gleaned from this site: "She will never find you more attractive than when you are walking away."
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Sorry for hijacking but which ww died and what happened?? Or which member was it so I can search?
Can I ask why you are asking ? It sounds quite ominous !!
I was just sad reading that, it sounds so awful for that poor poster. Now that AS explained it´s even more sad and breaks my heart.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Well day 3 and it has been tough. As long as I don’t see her my emotions are easy to control. I’ve been staying at work late and getting home when she is in the bed. We haven’t talked in 2 days other than her texting me. I tried to not respond but eventually I responded with vague answers to her questions.
She wants to come to my ballgame Friday night? Should I tell her I don’t want her there. She was going to bring my son but I could get someone else to bring him.
I hope you are continuing to GAL. As long as she is in the house she might as well see you being awesome and doing awesome things. Try to project an aura of quiet confidence, positivity. Get out of the house, meet some friends, but don't tell her where you are going. Be mysterious. Dress sharp and be well groomed at all times. Definitely DONT be glum or mopey...
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Well day 3 and it has been tough. As long as I don’t see her my emotions are easy to control.
Hang in there! It'll get easier with time.
Quote
I’ve been staying at work late and getting home when she is in the bed.
Don't go out of your way to avoid her. Your attitude should be "I'm going to do what I want to do in my own house, and if she wants to avoid me then that's her problem."
Quote
We haven’t talked in 2 days other than her texting me. I tried to not respond but eventually I responded with vague answers to her questions.
What type of questions? If it's bills or kids, then reply. If she's asking you what you're doing away from home then it's fine to be vague.
Quote
She wants to come to my ballgame Friday night? Should I tell her I don’t want her there. She was going to bring my son but I could get someone else to bring him.
If it was just her then I would agree with ovr and just not respond. But if you need someone to bring S there then I would probably go with something like "I would like S to be there, if you are going then please bring him, if you're not then let me know so I can ask a friend to bring him." The idea being you could care less whether she's there or not, but you want S there.
Well she overheard me talking poorly about her to my mother last night. I was telling her I thought she was narcissistic and evil for continuing to talk to the OM. This comes across as weak. Step backwards due to this incident. I have told her this morning to only contact me about the kids and nothing else. Not how is my day going or what am I doing, or where am I at.
She mentioned in text this morning that we need to go to counseling with no strings attached. I told her I would not be going to counseling while she is involved with someone else. It would not do any good for our relationship. She wants to use counseling to basically say she tried and so that I will not be angry at her once we get a divorce. I do agree that counseling would probably help us communicate better going into a divorce. Right now I'm not dead set on getting a divorce.
She is fine with going 'no contact". Her response was don't get made if I don't text you. What a butt-hole comment to make. She has absolutely no remorse.
I'm really thinking that I may have to file for divorce eventually to get back my power, dignity, and self worth. This is a personal decision that I feel I may have to make when that time comes.
Good job on not agreeing to counseling. She's not in it.
Quote
She is fine with going 'no contact". Her response was don't get made if I don't text you. What a butt-hole comment to make. She has absolutely no remorse.
If she was fine with it she would have done it on her own already and left the "don't get mad" part out. But detachment means comments like these don't bother you.
File for divorce when you're ready for a divorce. Keep walking brother.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well she overheard me talking poorly about her to my mother last night. I was telling her I thought she was narcissistic and evil for continuing to talk to the OM. This comes across as weak. Step backwards due to this incident.
I don't think that's such a bad thing actually. Now she knows you're not putting her on a pedestal anymore. Do try to avoid venting when she's around like ovr said though.
Quote
I have told her this morning to only contact me about the kids and nothing else. Not how is my day going or what am I doing, or where am I at.
Good. Now if she ignores you and does it anyway, then don't reply.
Quote
She mentioned in text this morning that we need to go to counseling with no strings attached. I told her I would not be going to counseling while she is involved with someone else.
Also good.
Quote
I'm really thinking that I may have to file for divorce eventually to get back my power, dignity, and self worth. This is a personal decision that I feel I may have to make when that time comes.
It's really the other way around. When you get back your power, dignity and self worth, THEN you may find yourself ready to file.
