She said she would have to sell the house because there was no way she could afford it “by herself.” I did not respond to her comment.
Good. There are times for validation, but there are also times like this where no response is the best response.
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Unfortunately, I don’t think she will hit rock bottom until I’m completely out of the picture.
That is almost always the case.
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If you were to see us interact, you would not think a D was likely coming down the pike.
I remember once after D my XW and I took the kids to lunch. We were walking into the restaurant and held the door open for an elderly man. He walked out and said "you have such a beautiful family!" This is something I still think about, is XW part of my family? It sure seems like it. I went to her mom's for Thanksgiving this year. She texts my siblings fairly regularly. We have parties together for the kids. We coordinate gifts for the kids and don't put our names on them. We're not married, don't live together and certainly don't have sex. But our lives are still intertwined in so many ways.
Discussed Christmas plans with W and she said she would be coming to my family’s celebration on Christmas Eve because “it was the right thing to do.” Also Indicated she would stay here in order to be here for Christmas morning with the kids, and that she would “ sleep on the couch or something.” I did not respond to her couch comment at all.
S18 will be coming home from college tomorrow. Taking next semester off. We discussed what to do with some of his stuff like his coffee machine. W said maybe he could sell it, or he could bring it home because “you may need it.” I didn’t take the bait and get into an R or D discussion, just ended the conversation there.
I know how you're feeling right now and every comment that insinuates D is a gut punch. Unfortunately my suspicion is that she will file after the holidays. I know that's not what you want to hear but trust me from someone who has been through it you want it to happen as soon as possible. When you are able to distance yourself you can then start to assess your marriage more objectively. I like you feel that likely years down the road she will knock again at your door.
Your sitch is very like mine and I suspect your w will feel guilty and you can use that to your advantage and get a very good settlement.
I feel you W I really do but you will survive this and thrive. You are stronger then you realize.
W says we should take 2 cars to Christmas Eve tomorrow night because she might "leave early" to go to her "brother's house." Said she will be home late and will sleep on couch so boys know she's there.
Part of me wants to tell her to not bother. She has made it clear she longer wants to be a part of this family, so let's not fake it. The other part of me wants to play it cool and get through the holidays without a huge uproar for the benefit of the kids.
I'd say we go as a family in 1 car and we return as a family in 1 car. Otherwise she can go in her own car to whatever fcuk she wants, but not to your family's Christmas party. I would be blunt in no uncertain terms.
I reiterate, I would not say to ther not to bother, but to fcuk off in an unspecified direction.
Surreal night at family gathering with W. She was her usual cheerful self with everyone there but avoided me. People were asking questions about what was going on. I stayed focused on the kids. W left gathering to go to sister in law’s but I’m 99 percent sure she went somewhere else instead. Going to do my best to remain at least indifferent toward her for Christmas, but I’m about at end of my rope as far as d-bing goes. She’s not coming back. Need to change course after New Year.
With that, I’d like to wish everyone here a merry Christmas and happy holidays. Your support is worth more than you know.
Surreal night at family gathering with W. She was her usual cheerful self with everyone there but avoided me. People were asking questions about what was going on. I stayed focused on the kids. W left gathering to go to sister in law’s but I’m 99 percent sure she went somewhere else instead. Going to do my best to remain at least indifferent toward her for Christmas, but I’m about at end of my rope as far as d-bing goes. She’s not coming back. Need to change course after New Year.
With that, I’d like to wish everyone here a merry Christmas and happy holidays. Your support is worth more than you know.
Dude,
DBing is for you, not for her. You might have started to get your wife back, but the main goal of DBing is to get yourself back, even more so, to rebuild yourself into the new and improved version of yourself and to become a man only a fool would leave.
Thanks for the reply. I guess I’m wondering why bother to stand when as best as I can tell, most of the situations like mine seem to end up with the W filing for D at some point anyway? Why not make the best possible custody/financial deal right now while she wants out and might be willing to give up more in order to fully flee to her fantasy life? She needs to feel the loss. Right now, she’s enjoying the best of both world’s and is cake eating big time. I know, don’t do the heavy lifting for them, but.....
I one hundred percent agree with you and have zero problem with you sitting her down and trying to get the best deal you can and asking her to file. Especially if she’s having an A and that’s a deal breaker for you.
